Not so differentMature

-Grey-

It wasn't so different...

I thought it would be icky or something... kissing another guy.

His lips were smooth and he smelled so good... It was just like kissing a girl... Was it his first time? He seemed so surprised and inexperienced...

But I still don't know if I like boys...

Maybe I do... In the end, does it really matter what he is? Boy or girl. What does it change?

I walk back home, kicking the door open. My Mother doesn't even shoot a glance at me as I go in my room and crash down on my bed, my body still wet and dripping water, soaking the sheets.

Why does it always get so complicated...

I fall asleep quickly, it's not even nine yet but I'm so tired. As I nod off, still clothed, I feel her arm around me. Mary... will she let me move on? Will she drag him into more trouble?

I fall in my dreams, for once it isn't a nightmare... I dream of him. Mary sleeps next to me, she doesn't need it but she does, sharing my dreams and nightmares. At least she understands what I'm living.

*****

I'm back to school the next day. Despite the cold I caught...

He's not there.

...Nor is he on the next day.

A whole week goes on before I see him again. Was he sick? I wish I could have visited him...

It's only the next monday I see him there. He doesn't talk to me all day. He avoids me at lunch... Did I offend him? Shit... I didn't mean to.

The day is over, but I sit on the roof, a cigarette in hand. I've been smoking like a chimney for the last week. I'm feeling nervous. My hands shake as I light another.

"You're here..." It's him, his voice. Did I miss hearing it?

"Hi..." I answer, staring at my shoes.

"I wanted to talk to you... About that evening in the cemetary..."

"...I... I'm..." I begin to stutter, not able to finish what I wanted to say...

He sits down next to me. "I like you Grey. But I still don't know If I do it as a friend or as something more..." He declares to me.

"Do you mind if we remain friend until I know?" He now asks.

I nod, my vision getting teary. I'm confused... What do I feel? I wish I knew too.

Seeing my tears he holds me in his arms and kisses my forehead. "It's alright. Don't be sad" He says.

The End

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