It wasn't so different...
I thought it would be icky or something... kissing another guy.
His lips were smooth and he smelled so good... It was just like kissing a girl... Was it his first time? He seemed so surprised and inexperienced...
But I still don't know if I like boys...
Maybe I do... In the end, does it really matter what he is? Boy or girl. What does it change?
I walk back home, kicking the door open. My Mother doesn't even shoot a glance at me as I go in my room and crash down on my bed, my body still wet and dripping water, soaking the sheets.
Why does it always get so complicated...
I fall asleep quickly, it's not even nine yet but I'm so tired. As I nod off, still clothed, I feel her arm around me. Mary... will she let me move on? Will she drag him into more trouble?
I fall in my dreams, for once it isn't a nightmare... I dream of him. Mary sleeps next to me, she doesn't need it but she does, sharing my dreams and nightmares. At least she understands what I'm living.
I'm back to school the next day. Despite the cold I caught...
He's not there.
...Nor is he on the next day.
A whole week goes on before I see him again. Was he sick? I wish I could have visited him...
It's only the next monday I see him there. He doesn't talk to me all day. He avoids me at lunch... Did I offend him? Shit... I didn't mean to.
The day is over, but I sit on the roof, a cigarette in hand. I've been smoking like a chimney for the last week. I'm feeling nervous. My hands shake as I light another.
"You're here..." It's him, his voice. Did I miss hearing it?
"Hi..." I answer, staring at my shoes.
"I wanted to talk to you... About that evening in the cemetary..."
"...I... I'm..." I begin to stutter, not able to finish what I wanted to say...
He sits down next to me. "I like you Grey. But I still don't know If I do it as a friend or as something more..." He declares to me.
"Do you mind if we remain friend until I know?" He now asks.
I nod, my vision getting teary. I'm confused... What do I feel? I wish I knew too.
Seeing my tears he holds me in his arms and kisses my forehead. "It's alright. Don't be sad" He says.