Losing ControlMature

My fists clench and unclench. A steady rhythm, reflecting the beating of my own heart. Counting in my head as I do so.




And so it goes. A continuous pattern of this small action helps me to maintain control. I close my eyes tightly, squeezing them together so no trace of light seeps through and inhale deeply through my nose. The sweet scent of mangos and blossom caress my senses, but this soon turns into a dull, aching throb until my jaw feels like it’s on fire and my throat screams at me, begs me to numb the pain. I can’t focus on anything but the pain, soon it’s all I am able to think about. Every inch of my mind is taken up by this fire, this raging fire that consumes me whole, every cell, every molecule is burning.

‘Are you okay?’

The sweet, soft voice in front of me only makes the pain worse and I squeeze my eyes tighter.




Keep it together. I try this, but I can tell it’s slipping. I’m holding on, so hard, but it’s pointless. I feel the fragile seams of my sanity slipping through my grip.

My eyes snap open.

The girl in front of me jerks slightly, and her eyes widen. Those lush, green eyes of hers, the colour of jewels shining back at me filled with anxiety and fear. I can’t help but marvel at them. They’re all I notice.

Soon, the pain begins to ebb away, and my fists slowly unclench. I feel an overwhelming sense of satisfaction surge through me and I allow a shaky smile to play on my lips. My breathing becomes normal, as does my heartbeat.

‘I’m okay.’

The girl smiles, all traces of fear melting away, just like my pain.

‘You had me worried.’

How could I of ever doubted myself with this magnificent creature? A creature so pure and gentle, one which would rather die than hurt anyone, and here I was scaring the shit out of her.

I take her hand and slip it into mine, feeling her smooth skin stroke mine. I pull her closer and she rests her head against my chest. I run my hands through her hair and kiss the top of her head.

Her scent grows stronger and the pain threatens to take a hold of me again, but I refuse to give in. She turns her head slightly and her golden hair slips away from her shoulder, revealing a pale, delicate throat.

‘Go on,’ she whispered. ‘I know you want to take some.’

She bends her head back and arches her throat.

‘What are you doing?’ I hiss, pulling away from her instantly.

‘Do it,’ she smiles at me, reaching in her pocket for something. Before I have time to stop her, she’s pulled out a shiny metal instrument and was pressing it against her skin. A bead of vivid red liquid broke out, soon followed by a whole line of it. It begins running down the side of her throat, down her collarbone and disappearing beneath her top.

‘Don’t waste any,’ she murmured.

‘Get away from me,’ my voice cracked. ‘Please, I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t. I love you.’

Her features soften and she glides towards me.

‘I trust you.’

Those three words break through my shield and I find myself slipping a hand around her waist. My other hand trails the side of her neck, gently moving her hair out of the way. She shifts slightly, so her throat is on full view and I lower my head gradually, lips inching towards her skin.

I shouldn’t be doing this. I try to pull away, but the lust becomes too strong and my mouth latches hungrily onto her neck and I begin to swallow the enriching, tantalizing liquid.

‘Not, so hard,’ she falters. I don’t hear her though. All I can think about was how magnificent this tasted. Nothing ever compared to it, I’d been a fool to think it had.

‘Okay, let go now.’ She tries to pull herself away, but my grip is too strong for her to break free from. I carry on drinking, the bloodlust taking over my entire body. My grip tightens and her futile struggles come to a stop. She grows limp and I gently lower her to the floor, mouth still firmly attached to her throat.

I drink until the very last drop.

Oh how sweet it had tasted. How very, very sweet. My tongue darts over my lips, catching the remnants of it, trying not to waste any.

Up until that moment it didn’t hit me that I had killed her, not until my eyes fell upon her still form. Her skin a lot paler than usual, her eyes shut, hair spread out like a golden halo.

Her heart had stopped beating and no matter how many times I called her name, she did not stir.

‘What…have I done…’ my words were pointless. A scream, louder than anything I could possibly compare it to ripped out of my mouth. A twisted, pained scream crying out to the heavens, to anyone, to save me. But no one answers. I am alone.

The End

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