So I went to the shrink and I forgot to wear trousers. He said ' Well, I can clearly see your'e nuts'.
He asked me to lie on the couch, I asked 'Why?' He said ' I want to sweep the floor'.
I said to him 'Im a Kleptomaniac" He said ' take these pills twice a day for 2 weeks, if they don't work come back with a T.V.'
I said to him 'I feel like a bridge' 'A bridge?' he says, 'What's come over you?' I said 'A couple of cars, a bus, a lorry.....'
I said to him ' I think I've overdosed on sleeping pills" He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
I said to him ' Everyone keeps ignoring me' He said 'Next!'
So I walked over to the window and shouted "I'm gonna jump! Don't try and stop me!' He said 'On your marks....'
I said ' I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home' '. He said 'I think you've got Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it rare?' I asked. He replied ' It's not unusual'
He said to me 'You've got Hypochondria' I said 'Not that as well!'
I decided it was time to leave.
But what did I do next?...............................