I am left aghast, mouth slightly agape, limbs limp.
I know great minds think alike, but this is ridiculous!
Now it was the male cop's turn to speak again.
"This is an obvious shock for anyone, and the police are taking every precaution to prevent your untimely death. You are, after all, quite an important figure here."
"Look, guys," I make a quick glance at the female cop, "and girls, I have my own precautions set up. What more can you do for me besides a lock-down of the building?"
The female cop, obviously accustomed to such wayward looks, ignores my flirtatcious grins.
"No, we plan on taking you away."
"Well, I know a great little Chinese place down the road. They have the best noodles in town."
I am met with nonchalant glares, as these pigs obviously mean business. No-nonsense here.
It was worth a try.
"We're actually taking you out of the country for your safety, sir," the woman cop says, dryly.
"Mexico?" I ask.
Damn, I'd love to have her guarding me, bikini-clad, of course. I wonder if guard duty includes fetching margaritas, since I wouldn't be able to leave the 'secure area'?
My pondering is broken by the voice of the male cop, gruff, rough, and becoming impatient.
"No, sir. France."
Ah, maybe to the city of love, Paris? It would be neat to be buried there. We could even have the ceremony en français.
I let a smile split my face, and allow a twinkle to enter my eyes. It is hard to do on command, but I have mirrors for a reason.
"Well, when do we leave?"
"Now, sir." The female cop was getting slightly flustered, but my instincts said to press on.
"I'll just get my baggage together then," I say, quite casually. "A small bag to check, and a larger package to carry on?"
"That will be fine, just be ready to leave in half an hour."
"Alright, then. See you soon!"
I stand as they do, and let them exit the apartment. Sliding the lock back into place, I turn back to the forgotten phone, and tap a few keys before raising it to my ear.
"Yes, this is Mr. White calling again."
Worst fake name ever, you eejit.
A pause as the man looks me up.
"Yes, I called to arrange for a last-minute funeral earlier. Well, I need to cancel my reservation."
The voice on the other end sounds quite angry with me, but I'm glazing, and place the phone back in its cradle, ending the call.