Imagine the scene. You awaken one morning to find a breathtakingly beautiful female corpse next to you in your king size bed. No clue who she is, or as to how she has got there. Just a vague sense of responsibility for her beautiful light which has been extinguished. Vomit rushes to the opening of my mouth and I thrust the covers back and dash for the bathroom. Alas much too late. On my knees retching at the entryway to my bathroom I reflect on the fact that I just missed the toilet.
After heaving to the point of pain I arise and wander to the mirror. I checked myself. It's still me! Still the same dark hair and blue eyes, scraggly beard and chisled jaw. It's still me! But I could not have done this could I? Why? How? Questions raced through my mind in a turmoil of emotions. I knew one thing. I was fucked! Or was I? Who saw us together? Did they see us leave together? Where did we meet? What did we do? A girl like this should of rocked my world but I have no memory of it. Enough, I have a corpse in my bedroom and no clue what to do. This ain't the time for reflection Geoffrey Dhamer. Wait Dahmer killed gay men didn't he? What about Ed Gein? He killed women! Where was I? Oh yeah the body! I watch CSI ( the normal one, Miami and that crappy New York one), I know they always catch their man through some tricky investigative method.
God should I run? Leave this place, leave my life behind. Shit i'm gonna have to look at the body again aren't I? I need to check it for signs of life and all that crap. I'm no investigator though! What do I look for? How do i determine that? I'm not touching a frigging corpse, nooo way! Should I pack now and go? But my life is here. Friends and family, the painting and decorating business I started on borrowed money and personal favours. My flat! I just have it the way I want it. It took me years to do it up to the point where I am totally content with it. God what happened last night? One mistake and I'm on the run. I remember the club but not the woman. The club was one of them terminally stuck in the 80's places full of posers. But they are the places you have to go to make a connection. I just wanted to connect to the world around me. How did it get this bad? What do i do? I can't call the police. They will be positive I did it. Hell i'm not even sure if I did it or not! How can I expect reasonable doubt when I don't have it myself?
So either run or conceal it? What a choice eh? Lose my life and livelihood or desecrate a corpse and hide a crime! I have always been law abiding. Never cheated on my taxes or my ex-wives and girlfriends. Always obeyed speed limits, hell I have never even had a parking ticket. Here I am now, a murderer with the unenviable task of getting rid of a corpse. It needs to go! I have to do it! If I don't my life will be in ruins and everything I have built will be destroyed. I can't let that happen, I won't let that happen! No, the corpse must go. But how?
I only have a small bag or two! Not nearly big enough to transport a corpse. Dust sheets! I have dust sheets! Maybe I could wrap it up like they do in the movies! Would that work? Being no criminal mastermind with a history of body disposal I wouldn't know! God please, what the hell do I do? Then it strikes me! The axe that I use when I go camping! I can't do that! It would be wrong! As wrong as murdering this woman? As wrong as spending the rest of your life in a six by six cell avoiding the "big dog" of the cell block in the shower room! Jesus my heads hurting now. What do I do? It's not like I can lump her over my shoulder and carry her down to the river and chuck her in. The neighbours would see! It's not a bad idea otherwise. No i'm gonna have to do it! It needs to be gone! Out of my life for good! I'm sorry lady but I can't let it take everything from me. But the axe is too small. It wouldn't get through cleanly. Brainwave! My sharpened samurai sword above my mantel-piece.
Before I knew what I was doing I was across the room and pulling down the sword out of it's sheath! Two whacks and a clean up and i'm done I thought! Two whacks, one at the neck and one at the waist! Three bags should do it. Heavy duty bags! The blue ones. Yeah they would do the trick. God the body is still there! Well where else would it go, my subconcious taunted me? Two whacks. As I stood over the girl tears streamed from my eyes. I muttered a prayer of forgiveness over her, forgiveness for myself. Please forgive me beautiful lady, I know not what I should do. The sword rose and fell, exactly as her breast. Sharp quick motions. Oh god what have I done!
Three Days Later -
" Police have arrested the man they believe was responsible for the mutilated remains found upon the banks of the River Mersey late yesterday evening. The girl has yet to be identified but police state that the cause of death was severe blood loss due to a decapitating blow from a razor like instrument. Police stated that the woman had been comatose through narcotic usage when the attack occurred. The man, who cannot be named for legal reasons stated
'It's not my fault, oh please no, it's not my fault! Goth girls wear too much face make up! It's not my fault! It's not'
Police sources say that they are confident of a conviction. James Power, ITN news, back to the studio."