"Xara, just answer the phone. It's Tatianna." My sister sounded annoyed. I ignored her, and continued reading.
"No, sorry sweetheart, she really won’t talk to you." My mother would coo.
She looked at me and put her hand on her hips, "She's crying, just talk to her.” She thrusted the phone in my lap. Picking up the phone, I felt absolutely nothing but anger and rage. I crushed the phone in my grip.
"You will let me talk, and not say a word while I do." I warned before she spoke.
"Fine." Her voice wobbled.
"Listen, I was very happy with simply being cordial, civilized people, chatting now and then, a lunch or two, all that s%1t, but you went ahead and made a huge mistake. For one, I’m not in love with your boyfriend." I was controlling my voice, my tone, trying to keep my voice down, “I thought you knew me better, but guess not."
"I never said that, I was just speculating..." Her voice was breaking.
"SHUT UP! II TOLD YOU TO LISTEN DAM IT!" I yelled.
Promptly, she was silenced.
"Here’s one other thing. You made a very teeny tiny mistake, darling," My voice was pitched, and thick with sarcasm, "you destroyed the foundation of my trust in you, you took my faith, and everything we had, and threw it out the window, crushed it under your abnormally large feet, if I may." The anger could be heard in my voice, it was seeping out of every pour in my skin, like fire, burning her, along with myself. "You little f*****, you think yourself so clever. Your little stunt blew it."
"What did I do!?" She cried.
"You told. I warned you. Remember? I said the day you tell a soul, I will never look at you, speak to you, or acknowledge you as anything other than a f***ng little hore. I warned you. I promised you."
"Who'd I tell!!?? I'd never tell! You know I’m..."
"Madhuri." I answered. She was left without words. There was a long pause on the phone. I could hear her breathing.
“But she knew! She said she knew!” I ignored her.
"And loud enough for others to hear too. I'm glad though, you chose to tell Madhuri, she's someone who would be able to blow of the rumors before they even began. Stupid move on your part, and b1***y, but then again, you were always a little b&&&h, and I was your little puppy dog, right?...well ...things change."
There was silence..."I thought ...I thought she knew! Come on, Xee, I didn't mean to tell everyone!" She sounded annoyed, "And it's not such a big deal! You want to throw away five years of friendship for that?"
"It’s not a big deal to you, it doesn’t matter to you, nothing but what affects you ever matters, because YOU are almighty! RIGHT?! I TOLD YOU FOR A REASON! I warned you that day for a reason! It effects ME, it's MY problem, it has to do with ME!" I couldn't care less to be cordial any longer. I was going to let myself be heard, one way or another. “Yes! For once, something YOU had to do, which was simply keep a secret, had to do with ME! And since it was no concern to your
highness, you thought it too insignificant to bother about, right?"
"Listen Xara," She sounded bored, "Stop yelling, will you. I really can’t take your s%1t anymore. Come back when your heads in place, you ..."
"WHAT THE F***?!?" I'd blown a fuse. The world was red, I couldn't see anything but her face laughing in my head. I could feel the hot fury scorched all sense of morality and shame from my system. There was nothing left but the burning anger to fuel my Rage. "YOU CANT TAKE MY S&1T? WHAT S*1T HUH? I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL YOUR S$1T FOR SO F****** LONG! SO F****** LONG I TOOK YOUR CRAP! ALL OF YOUR DAMN DRAMA AND BI**** ATTITUDE, I TOOK, AND YOU CANT TAKE MY S&!T?" I
felt a fire burn within me, take my very soul apart. "DON'T YOU F******* CALL, LOOK OR TALK TO ME, I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL TAKE A F****** KNIFE AND STAB YOU IN YOUR F****** FACE, YOU LITTLE S87T, STAY
THE HELL AWAY FROM ME...." I took a moment to calm, "Or would you
like me to tell the school about your father's little....spat...with you?" I could hear the muffled sound of tears on the other line.
I smiled...I couldn't help it, I felt the anger and rage turn to a bitter
triumph as the line went dead.
"Ma!!" My older sister had run to my mother. "Xara's gone mad! She's yelling crazy psychotic things at the phone!"
I finally understood the meaning of "revenge is bitter sweet." It wasn't a feeling I savored, I felt sheepish and dull. Five years down the drain, I would have liked it to end with a smile and a hand shake. But she made it impossible. But still, I'd won. I’d undone the shackles that tied my hands and bound my wings. I was finally allowed to fly. I wasfree. It was over. But the dull ache in my heart remained, like a scar that I could never erase.