I remember when dad revealed his secret to me, it's a day I'll never forget. A scorching hot summer day,I was celebrating my fifteenth birthday. We were outside sitting in lawn chairs drinking beer. That was the first time Dad let me drink and I didn't disappoint. That afternoon we went through several six packs and while I could have knocked several more out, Dad wanted me sober.
"No more for you, at least for now. I want you sober for what I'm going to show you. Later though we will share a joint.", he said before moving the cooler away from me.
One thing my dad hated was nosey neighbors and Mrs. Fontaine was the worst. Her and her cat jinx drove my dad insane. She cared about two things Jinx and making sure her yard was in perfect condition. Jinx's litter box was our yard and dad was tired of it. Finishing off another can of beer, dad snarled at the site of her.
"I wish you wouldn't do that. Property values are already low enough. I don't need trailer trash living next door.", she said mockingly before scooping up Jinx.
Her gray hair in a bum and pudgy body exaggerated by the black and yellow polka dot dress, an evil clone of Aunt Bea from The Andy Griffith show.
" Oh Mrs. Fontaine Can I talk to you about the property values? We may be selling soon.", yelled dad hoping her hearing aid was turned up enough.
She turned from her house and walked toward the picket fence dividing our properties. Dad sat down his ber and made his way to the fence as well, looking back at me to see if I was watching. What Dad said to her I'll probably never know but what happened next was disturbing and yet brilliant. Mrs. Fontaine placed her right hand on the fence, cuddling Jinx in her right arm. Dad leaned in close and placed his right hand on hers. At the moment their hands touched, her eyes widened and glazed over. Dad leaned in even closer whispering something in her ear before giving Jinx a slight pat on the head and walking away.
"Ready to see something cool, boy?", he asked me picking up his beer and sitting back down.
I watched in awe as the elderly bitch grabbed the male cat lifting it up and turning him around. Now with the cats ass pointed at her face, she buried her nose in the cat's rectum. Not able to control himself anymore Dad bursts out laughing at her absurd actions. Laughter begins to bubble up in myself as well but was cut short by lady Fontaine. With a fierce glare and quickness of a younger person, she lifts Jinx up and slams him down on the fence impaling the feline. She blinked and tried to wipe away, the blood of her beloved pet, from her face. Turning around she begins to skip back to her house.
"How bout' that boy! I guess she got tired of Jinx's shit too.", Dad remarked between bouts of laughter.
Still in shock, I sat in silence until bile forced its way up into my throat. Leaning over to my right I wretch releasing my stomach contents. Dad said I couldn't handle the death of the cat but I still believe it was the alcohol.
"How did you do that ?", I asked wiping any excess bile away from my mouth.
"It's all in the touch.", he said.