She licked her lips, even as they left the cafe. She gripped his hand a little tighter, but even that felt weak. Losing her strength made her realise that, even though she was weak compared to the vampires, she was still stronger than humans. But she missed her speed most as she laboured along beside Lazarus.
“How far away is the next full moon?” She wondered, seeing how long she had to adapt to being a human, before her senses were heightened again.
"Well the last one was only a few days ago..." he began and Melissa already realised it would be a long time, long enough for Lazarus to reconsider.
"So a few weeks I imagine," she guessed as Lazarus did not give her an answer.
He paused to count, "about three weeks and a couple of days."
"That's a long time to change your mind," she sighed.
"I don't wanna rush into it though. I know you want it, but this is something I always promised myself I would never allow to happen; I never wanted to curse someone like this,” he mumbled and she could understand, the amount of people that he had killed accidently because of his wolf; she understood why he was wary.
"You have seen my change, my dear. You know what it is truly like to be cursed. From humanity I actually look to the vampires and pity them," she spoke, accidently slipping into her older tongue for a moment.
"I know. I'm not saying vampires have it easy at all, but I can't even begin to describe how painful the first few transformations are. I mean you've seen what they’re like for me now, but it doesn't compare..." He stopped and she nodded, once again understanding.
“I...” she took a moment to put her words into order, “it’s a sacrifice I’ll take.”
He shook his head slightly. "I think it's something we both need to think over. Three weeks should be fine."
"I don't need to think," this time her answer was smooth and quick and he fell silent. By this time they were at the apartment and he let her in. She sat at his piano, she knew how much this idea pained him and her wish was that they could just forget. But they wouldn’t. Lazarus knew this was what she wanted, but it hurt him so much and she couldn’t stand it.
She lifted the lid to the keys and then began to slowly play, before her speed quickened a little. She couldn’t remember what the song was, just that it was sweet and she liked it. Lazarus sat in the couch, silently watching her.
She paused, sighing. "In all respect I shouldn't know that, I shouldn't be sat here. Even as a human, I'm a monster." She closed the lid again and rested upon her arms, upon it.
"You're not a monster," he murmured
"I'm unnatural and a freak."
"Well so am I," he shrugged.
"Maybe it would be better, if I was to die," she whispered softly. The idea chilled her very bone but she would also sacrifice that if it was to make him forget about the idea.
He moved to the stool beside her, his arms encircling her waist. "Don't say that."
"Lazarus, while I am human I will continue to think like that. This is in no way a bid to make me immortal. I just mean to say, that by me dying, no evil will be committed. Keeping me alive may be a sin in itself."
"Just as well I'm good at sins, then," he mumbled, kissing her, but she didn’t kiss him back.
"No, you don't understand me, Lazarus, for your own peace of mind, you must let me die."
"That's never going to give me peace of mind."
"Then, we'll never win! If I was to become a vampire, I'd just humanise again.
"I said I would do it, didn't I?"
"Do you want to?"
"I want to keep you alive, yes, as selfish as it is."
"That's not what I was asking."
"I know you already know I don't want to cause you that kind of pain, but the reasons for it seem to be stacking up."
"No, what if I told you I didn't want you to do it?"
"That's your choice."
She sighed, "Lazarus..." she moaned.
"I don't want to make this decision. I'd rather die that put you through the pain of changing me. But, it would cause you pain if I don't."
"Well that's the point of waiting and getting used to the idea."
"No, but getting used to the idea is not liking the idea but having to accept it, so I know truly you don't want it to happen."
"I hate not being any good with words," he growled to himself slightly, closing his eyes and trying to order his thoughts. "It's not that I don't like the idea of you being a wolf, that's not it at all, in fact, I'd love to have you with me in every way. The only thing holding me back is just putting you through so much pain; if it weren't for that, I'd have done it by now."
She sighed, “how much more painful is it than having a burning pain writhe through your body, even after you had thought it had gone numb, then your body slowly dying and your heart stopping, but every little thing is telling you this isn’t right. As your heart finally takes its final beat your body convulses and plunges into the deepest frozen depths and everything around you turning black?” She paused, before apologising.
“Dunno. Imagine every single bone and muscle in your body tensing and snapping and reforming twice within twelve hours for three days a month, every month for the rest of your life,” she paused and thought.
“Well, it’ll mean I get to spend twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with you. It’ll make my life heaven and no pain, no gain.” She smiled weakly, hoping that was enough to convince him. She would love to be a wolf, with Lazarus...