She sniffed and growled simultaneously. “How can I not snap? I’m practically human! No fangs... No fangs! What the... how can I... what’s happening to me!?” She sobbed, irritably pacing beside the park fence. Warm, peachy skin, dull emerald eyes, slightly red lips, normal teeth, a heart, hair that was no longer perfectly curled, but hung limp and only slightly wavy around her face.
She remembered, what her father’s sire had said to her; “Vampires are creatures of instinct, we are basically humans, but with a beast for a soul. That beast gives us strength, gives us speed. It feeds from the life source of humans. We are but vessels for the beast. If you deny yourself, the beast will wither and die. You must always follow your instinct, for fear you will lose everything. You must drink, Miss Rose. You must be what the beast is, a cold and solitary creature.”
She repeated the only line that stuck out to her there, ‘for fear you will lose everything.’ She shuddered; she thought she would grow weak from lack of blood. Not lose her immortality and be human again. She stopped her pacing and sat down upon the cool grass. She still couldn’t face dying; she still couldn’t face her humanity.
It had been four hundred years since she had last brushed her hair, since she had last tasted human food and drink. Four hundred years since her heart beat blood around her body. She took a deep breath, what was happening, was happening, nothing she could do about it. “So, what’s worse; a werewolf loving a vampire or a werewolf loving a human?” She looked up to him, in her brief retrospect she had forgotten all about him.
"I don't think there's so much controversy loving a human," he murmured and she nodded, taking it in.
"Good, it should be better for you then," she murmured sadly. "I don't want to die... I want to live forever, with you. Perhaps if I get another vampire to turn me..."
"You know I don't care what other people think," he sighed, "You hated being a vampire though."
"I did, but if it meant I get to live with you for longer. I'll make the sacrifice," as she said it, she realised how much she could have back.
"If I was cruel enough, I'd turn you into a wolf, but I don't think I could live with myself if I did,” she thought on the idea and she actually liked it. She was a re-born corpse, becoming a werewolf would be amazing. She would be able to become a true mate to Bane...
"It can't be as bad as what vampires have to go through... we'll work something out, I'm sure. But first, I want cake," she smiled.
He shook his head slightly and took her hand, "c'mon then."
She stood up and grinned, "What, after four hundred years I think I'm allowed to pig out."
"Yeah," he laughed, kissing her on the cheek and they began to walk from the park and the werewolf’s territory.
"Coffee... cake and we can talk," she murmured as the sun just peaked over the horizon and she hissed instinctively.
He paused and looked at the first rays of sun. "And maybe watch the sunrise together?"
"Without hiding in the shadows... it's so warm," she smiled a tear almost coming to her eye.
“Mmm,” he hummed happily and she gripped hold of his hand a little tighter. She smiled a little wider, turning into another grin.
“Lazarus, why won’t you turn me into a wolf?” She asked simply, gazing into the sun with a squint.
"You've seen what transformations are like. I couldn't do that to you."
"What if I wanted you to?" She mumbled, tugging him away from the sunset toward the outskirts of Paris, slowly beginning to make her way to the inner parts of the city.
"Being a wolf is hardly something anyone should want."
"When my other alternative is so much darker, you understand why I would rather be like you." He sighed and said nothing, turning his eyes to the horizon of buildings, with a bright orange glow encasing them. "Come on, let's go."
He nodded, "where d'you want to go?"
"I know, I remember the place we passed a moment ago. But, just think... if you wait longer for me to change, then... my beauty will diminish." She shivered at the thought of growing old, of getting ill, of eventually dying. But if Lazarus wouldn’t change her, she sighed and realised she would have to get used to the idea.
"Don't be stupid, you'll still look gorgeous when you're more human," he muttered, wishing he hadn't mentioned changing her now.
"I am human. The only thing I have left is my transformation skills. Oh, but what if I get ill? I haven't been ill in a very long time and when I get old and my hair is the colour of ash and my eyes have lost their living glow... what then?"
"Melissa, you know I'll love you regardless of what you look like."
"And you'll hold me close, even as I die?" She knew it was a hard question, but she needed to know. But a little while after she wasn’t sure if he could.
"Always," the word made her feel warm and cold at the same time.
She stopped, holding a hand to her cheek to wipe away the tears. "I'm not ready." She sniffled, unable to stop the tsunami of tears swimming down her cheeks.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly, moving his hand up and down her back in comforting strokes. "You're not going to die," he murmured.
"Of course I am, human... it's what they -we- do."
"Okay, you're not going to die for a long time. Better?"
"NO!" She cried, pounding at his chest, repeating the word multiple times. “Till death do us part,” it seemed so meaningful now. Mortality was now her curse. He pulled back just a little, wiping her tears from her cheeks with a thumb.
"No, till death do us part... it’s not meant to mean anything," she whispered, shaking her head one last time.
He sighed again and returned his arms around her. "You really wanna be a wolf?" he asked, still incredulous.
"I don't want to die," she sobbed, then rested her head against his chest for a moment, "no. I can't be selfish; if it's going to hurt you, no I don’t." The words almost killed her to say.
"What does Bane say?"
"Why does what Bane says matter?"
"Maybe he'll help you make a decision; I won't sway you either way."
"He would just say it's up to you."
"No, it's up to us...Oh my word, what about the coven!?"
“I dunno," he shrugged slightly, "can't you send them a message saying you no longer want the role?"
"It'd have to be in person and I'd have to choose who was next and... oh heck no." He said nothing to disturb her as she thought of what vampires would do to have a human walk into their domain with her heart beating ten to the dozen.
"Okay, I want to go home," she murmured, her stomach growling slightly just after she spoke. He nodded and agreed as she pulled him away, down the winding streets to their apartment. When she was there, she pushed open the door with the greatest force she could muster. As she stood there, she looked around and realised how dull everything looked, the room no longer smelt sweet...
She moved to Lazarus, pressing herself close to him, “no dog,” she muttered puzzled for a moment before moving over to the bedroom, nothing. She couldn’t smell a thing and she couldn’t see any of the details that she could before. She sat on the edge of the bed, still allowing it all to sink in.
He sat with her, watching her expression for a moment before lying back across the bed. "I wish we could humanise," he mumbled, "I'd love to be human again."
"I'd love to be a wolf with you, to run wild... to enjoy nature as you do. Although, I guess if we could be human together I'd like that too. I’d just prefer not to... die," she replied.
"Mmm. Well... it's up to you, I guess. Bane would be right; it's your choice."
She shook her head, “no, it’s yours too.”
He swallowed and closed his eyes. "If it's what you want," he whispered.
"You swallowed. I may be human but I still know you well."
"I want you to be happy, Melissa," he muttered, "if putting yourself through agony three days a month will make you happy, then fine."
"And I want you to be happy, Angel." She turned and lay down beside him, after his silence "If I die what will you do?"
"I don't know. I haven't thought about it."
"I know you don't want to turn me, so, when I die." she gulped, "I want you to move on... find someone else, preferably a wolf."
He sat up and put his arms around her, "don't think about it," he mumbled, "I'm being selfish, I'm sorry. I'll- I'll do it, if that's really what you want."
"And I'll be selfish if I said it was what I wanted, so I have to think about it. I don't want you in a four hundred year mess like before."
"Yeah, but my being selfish means you'll die... I s'pose turning you is the lesser of two evils."
"And I being selfish means you'll live in guilt for a very long time."
"But we'll both be alive."
"But..." she sighed, "Okay, I give up, but I'm leaving the decision to you. You know where my opinion lies."
"You could get one of the other wolves to do it..." he said after a while.
"The only one I would want to touch me would be Albert. I don't trust strangers... but I don't trust him either. Is there a connection, between the changed and the one who changed them?"
"Not that I've ever noticed."
"All I've got to go on is vampire lore...Lazarus my body belongs to you and only you, if it has to change it will be for you and by you."
"Mmm," he mumbled, not really sure what to say.
"Oh forget about it, it will cause us nothing but pain, argument and whatever else. I'm gonna die and that's the end of it."
"Next moon," he murmured, "I'll do it next moon."
"What? Didn't you hear me?"
"Sure I did."
"Then what are you on about?"
"I just need time to get used to the idea. I can turn you next moon - if you'll still want it by then," he shrugged.
She looked at him, her eyes gazing into his. "I love you, Angel," she mumbled, pushing her lips to his, savouring the sweet taste.
"I love you too," he muttered, "I must be crazy."
"It's your choice."
"I wouldn't do it for anyone else," he half smiled.
"I promise you, I will pay you back, any way you wish."
"Just stay with me forever," his smile grew a little, laughing softly.
"That is not a request you need to make, fool." She smiled back, her hand lightly caressing his cheek.
He kissed her gently, "I know. But you asked what I wanted."
"I want you," she smiled back, kissing him softly, as if a feather just gently graced his lips. Deepening the kiss a little, he closed his eyes; it felt as though their touch was a whole new experience now she had a pulse of her own and real warmth coursed through her for the first time in four hundred years.