My life is a living hell...Literally I live in hell. This is my story and I hope you can follow along.

Hi my name is Beelzebub. My real name from my human body is lost forever and this is the name I was given when my soul entered this wretched place. Wait let me back up a bit, I used to live in some place in the human memory of my past life is a bit hazy even though I have been dead for a day. I do know that I had a loving family and an amazing boyfriend before I died. I don't know why I am in hell...but I am certain there has been some sort of mix-up in the sorting process or something, because I don't belong here. My life was perfect and everything was working out for me. I need to see someone about this.


I have been walking around looking for the head honcho of this place for forever it seems like but I need to find someone. Maybe this cloaked man can help me.

"What do you want kid?"

I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the help/information center. I have a few questions to ask.

"Information center? What do you think this is a mall or some shit? This is Hell, the place for sinners and all around bad people. If you are here then trust me belong here."

But in my life I did nothing wrong, I followed rules and never disobeyed the law. My life was perfect I was an outstanding citizen of society. What could I have done to end up here?

"Wait say that again and I can break it down for you."

My life was perfect.

"Do you take pride in your life?"

No ones life was better.

"Then you committed the carnal sin of Pride. Were you rich?"


"Did you ever give to charity or someone in need?"

Well no because charities are money grubbers and people in need put themselves in that situation.

"That is the carnal sin of Greed. Did you ever harbor any jealousy towards anybody while you were alive?"

No because my life was perfect, why should I envy another.

"Really, not even your parents? I mean you wouldn't have the life you had were it not for them."

No because I made there lives perfect.

"That right there was extremely vain and another one of the carnal sins. I am starting to see why you are here...are you?"

Yes...but I was not lazy and I worked hard for a lot of the money I had. I never ate in excess because I was always trying to be the most beautiful person I could be.

"More Vanity with you. Well did you enjoy sex with your partner?"

Yes...what kind of absurd question is that?

"Did you ever cheat on him?"

Well...yes but only once. And it never happened again.

"You can stop your lying you sex hungry fiend. I know who you were in the world of the living. And I also know that you cheated on your boyfriend multiple times with multiple people. So here is how I surmise your being here. You are a Lying Greedy Incubus who is always looking in a Mirror and reflecting on the Perfect life the you lived and your Perfect body and your Perfect everything. You deserve to be here...not only here but in the lowest levels where you can burn with the weight of all of your sins. But it would seem that someone saw fit to spare you and let you reflect on your actions. Maybe someone you know was an angel and they wanted you to see the error of your ways. So I think you should stop being a baby and look at yourself...your true self and fix what turned you into a demon so that you don't waste this second chance. Now get the fuck out of my face."

And so my journey begins to really reflect on my life and ascend into the beauty that is Paradise.

The End

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