Desperate housewives.

Oh we have them here too believe me. All trying hard to outdo each other and hold back the years. All looking the same, dressing the same way. Latest fashions and new age beauty treatments.

The residents of the close spend more money on themselves than we normal folk would spend on the bills in a month.

Love themselves, yep they most certainly do.

Although looking at them from the outside you wouldn’t instantly see their insecurities, as they are very clever in that sense at hiding their doubts.

Great actresses they are, very dramatic both in their personalities and their looks.

Beau, her mother named her Beautiful. A sixties love child, whose mother dumped her for the next passionate fling. So she upped and left at the impressionable age of 9 to live with her grandmother abroad.

Now distinctly educated to the highest standards she expects the same from everyone she meets. She’s a working mom, 60 hours a week. But that still leaves her time to fuss and organise the weekly Mothers meet. With a element of control, you will do as you are told, as she tosses that long red hair. No one wants to let Beau down or else they will pay for it ten fold. Her family run like clockwork, all timetabled and by rota. Its dinner at 7pm, then a hour of reading for the two lifeless brats. ( who live by the ticking clock). Then quiet time in the fully equipped gym, before a soak in the bath. And if her husbands lucky she will have ten minutes to fit him in.

Miranda, now she is the sly one, all nice as pie to your face. With her fake pearly whites. With that Nordic look about her, tall and very blonde. Her personality couldn’t be any different. She’s icy stone cold. Nothing is ever good enough, her life, her car, her job. But then she doesn’t work as you and I know it. More a hobby of sorts. As she dress the rich, sorts their wardrobes out. All for a costly fee, but making sure that they never quite look as good as she does. She’s Beau nasty little side kick, the first to pull the neighbours down, but often the first to knock on your door when she wants the low-down and gossip of your latest heartbreak. Very competitive, as she likes to get Beau’s back up, with tales of her rich clients, and how she only ate a grapefruit all day. ‘Why Beau, have you put a pound on today’ she would quite often say. Winding her up in her sly little way.

Then there’s Helena, a fat girl now thin. Struggling and battling with her demons. Constantly between her mind and the reality. She’s starting to look a bit fake. With her nose done a few times, her eyes and all her curvy bits. She’s no stranger to botox and a little nip and tuck, here and there. it’s a regular thing like we have on our shopping list.

She works out the calories constantly and then takes it to extremes, a slab of the old witches chocolate cake equals a day of hard labour in the military style training camp near the lake. She’s tried hard to fit in, but feels she it never comes naturally to her. As Miranda always outdoes her in the latest fashion stakes and Beau with her natural good looks holding onto the years well. She has a surgeon on redial just in case.

Then there is Georgia, a true southern bell. With the drawl and the charm, she has lovers as well.

Who has fooled her old husband into thinking that she can cook real well. When in truth she would burn water. She orders in a weekly menu from a Al A Carte place, and passes off as her own. She’s caught herself a ‘good one this time’, as her own mother remarked. Old fat and willing to hand over his credit card. Twice married before, and always on the look out for husband number four. But the lovers she has, the gardener, the pool guy, they are just passing the time, as she lays back, closing her eyes and thinks of them as her husband tries his very best to get it up.

Oh and I nearly forgot young Clarissa, who is learning fast. She’s just had her first implants, much to her Jock husbands mocks. She was probably the most normal, although cheerleader and top girl at finishing school she was. Her style tips Miranda is happy to give, and she’s in awe of Beau who runs a tight ship. And for some strange reason she can never get quite right is Georgia’s recipes. Them dishes she cooks she try’s to feed to the dog. But even he is not that stupid. Then she feels she must try harder and looks to herself for fault.

Clarissa is the Eco-warrior of the close, and with baby number two on the way she is always looking for new ways to improve and save the close, the environment and the world one day. She recycles nappies, bottles, tops and cans. Save’s all her cuttings and drives on Moon juice in her echo friendly baby safe carrier.

She’s defiantly the most impressionable, and I’m sure in a few years the group of desperate housewives would have her all moulded into a right fantastic mix.

The End

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