I sat in my bed still crying from my father’s reaction to the news. He has knocked on my door repeatively, asking for his forgiveness, but I was too exhausted to get up.
So instead I continued lying in my bed, thinking of how depressing my life was at that time. Andrew had broken up with me for something he had done, he had caused. I was pregnant which in my school was the very reasoning behind the label of slut. And my dad hated me. What could make this get any better? Should I start cutting myself again? Maybe.
i know what I’d do. I’ll go and get an abortion, easy as that. True, I don’t like the idea of abortion, but I’m flipping thirteen years old. What else was I suppose to do?! I mean, right now it doesn’t even look anything like a human I bet. So I won’t feel any sort of attachment towards it anyway.
And then…I felt something move in my stomach. No, I felt someone move in there.
There was someone living inside of me. My someone.
I started wearing sweatshirts to school. I didn’t want anyone else to know but Michelle, Andrew, and my parents. So I shoved all my pairs of skinny jeans in the back of my drawers and tried not to think of my quickly raising weight gain.
Then one day I walked into school and everything was different. Everyone stared at me like something was wrong with me as I walked to the table I sit at in the morning before we were all dismissed. Some even hissed, “Slut!” at me. My face became more and more red and by the time I got to my seat with Elisha and Sara I was as red as I was going to get. And right when I was turning to ask what the hell was going on they left the table. I was sitting all alone. I felt the tears that came so easily nowadays beginning to reach my eyes. “Uhm, Lorraine,” I look up to see Peyton of all people. I sniffle, “What do you want?”
“Well, I heard about you being pregnant.” My sadness turned to anger in a flash, “What?! From who? I want to hear exactly what grapevine you got this from.”
Peyton took a deep breath and said, “Ok, this might be a bit confusing.”
“Just spit it out.”
“Ok….Andrew told Amanda who told her boyfriend Jordan who told Sophie who told Tyler who also overheard Chris and Molly discussing the matter who later told Nick who then told all of us, which is Caden, Kacy, Will, Mike, and me.” I honestly felt like I only had to hear the first name. I curled my hands into fists while spitting through my teeth, “He first got me pregnant….then he decides to tell the entire school about it.”
“I…I guess.” I laid my head in my crossed arms and took a moment to just close my eyes. “So now the whole school thinks I’m a slut right?”
“I…I guess.” He answered again while shrugging.
“And now my friends don’t want to hang out with me either?”
“I…I guess.” i closed my eyes passively…only to feel movement in my belly again. “It’s going to be okay.” I told her and myself.
I hope I did a better job convincing her than i did me.