I came home early from the game, for my own good. And I rushed upstairs to my room sobbing, slamming the door behind myself. In mid-sob I heard my mom quietly knocking on the door, asking what was wrong. I ignored her.
When I had quieted down a bit i got onto my computer and signed into AIM . I groaned. The only people online were Peyton and Bailee, naturally. When they weren’t together they imed online nonstop. How disgusting. I decided to try and get help from them.
I wasn’t getting help. Peyton pretty much kept telling me how he told me so and Bailee…well she was sorta helping…but i hate her. i huffed and got up out of my chair, walking to the bathroom. Although I really had no idea why I was in there. I subconciously went to the cabinet in my bathroom and opened it, moving around a couple of things until my searching hands came across a blade, a blade with dried blood still on it from before.
Before when I was depressed.
When I was a cutter.
I stared at the small blade that had the reflection of myself staring back. I remembered quite vividly how great that pain felt emenating from my wrist. It blocked all the emotional pain that I had at that time. Back when Peyton left me in the dust for Bailee. And I thought that was as depressed as I could have gotten. Guess I was wrong.
I ran the little blade under the sink, cleaning it off from any germs it could have gotten from sitting in the back of the cabinet all these months. When I thought it was as sterile as it was going to get I turned the water off. I sucked in a big breath. the blade was just touching my skin, cold from the water….
My phone rang.
I jumped and dropped the small knife to the ground with a slight clatter. i ran back into my room and picked my cellphone up, saying, “Hello?”
“Lorraine? Hey, it’s me, Andrew.” My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice.
“I…I wanted to say….that I was sorry for how I acted. Come over tomorrow?”
“Of course I will. 8 o’clock?”
At 8 o’clock on the dot I rang Andrew’s doorbell. His mother answered, stating he was down in the basement. Oh God, I hoped he wasn’t making love to his Xbox360 like he usually always does to blow me off.
Thankfully that wasn’t the case. He had the television on to one of my favorite shows, LOST . “Oh my God, you know how much I love this show?”
“Of course.Take a seat.” So I sat down next to him and began watching.
It was right in the middle of the new episode when Andrew began getting closer and closer to me, soon sitting his chin on my shoulder. “Lorraine,” He whispered. I turned my head towards him and realized how close his face was. He then pressed his lips to mine, running his tongue along my lips and pulling me close. sigh, I thought.
Then he began putting his hand up my shirt. My lips froze and I pushed him away, “No.”
“But why?” Andrew whined.
“Uh, we’re 13. Isn’t that reason enough?” Then Andrew looked at me with this depressed face and asked, “Don’t you love me?”
“of course I do.”
“I think I told you why.” I crossed my arms over my chest. And for other reasons more than me being frustrated.
“Because Andrew. I personally think the age of 13 is too young for us to start fucking off. Currently, I’m a virgin and I want to stay that way,” I started getting up, “And if you want to push me this way, then I’m not going to want to stay in this relationship.” And I stormed out of his basement and ran out of his house, without a second glance. After I was out of sight of his house I called my mom to pick me up.
“What happened?” My mom immidiatly asked, noticing my distress. I rolled my eyes. “Nothing happened. We had a stupid arguement.” gasp I thought to myself. Was I already thinking that I should have said yes. No, no, no! I would not become a slut. I will not. But….ugh….Andrew’s lips felt sooo good. And the way he held me close, making me feel his amazing chest. sigh.
And just like that I felt my willpower dissolve completly away.