I have posted this story before however for some reason protagonize wouldn't let me edit and re-post it, I have added alot more material to this work and would really appreciate some feedback as it's been a while since i've done this and i'm still a beginner :)
Hopelessness, loneliness, stupidity and rage; these 4 words describe my whole life at the moment. I have no hope, few good friends, I drink more than I should and people seem to keep leaving me. My life was average for what felt like forever, perfect for 1 short year, and shit for the last 3. Let’s start from the beginning or, the beginning of the important parts at least. I was a writer and a damn good one at that, I had a wife and a loving daughter and life was good. It all went down hill from there.
My wife left for no good reason, she took my daughter with her, maybe it was my lack of writing, my lack of motivation or my lack of generally giving a fuck.
I suppose she might have had a fair reason to leave, I don’t know what happened to me. I was the man that had it all and now I’m the man that lost it all. It all started with writer’s block, that was all, just one little symptom of a struggling writer, and it spiralled into a dark whirlwind of bullshit and self abuse in the form of intoxication.
So here I am, pushing 40, average height, dark hair and currently lost in life, everything I’ve ever loved is gone and all I’ve got left is this bottle of JD, my pack of smokes and that girl from last night lying next to me that I can’t even remember the name of. That’s the beauty of living in Hollywood. I wish I could take it all back, I wish I’d tried harder, maybe even if I’d just written something, maybe things would be different and I wouldn’t be in this fucking mess now. There’s no changing the past though, I’ve screwed it up and their gone, I just need to get my shit together and try to win them back as impossible as it may seem.
Until then, I’ve got to carry on with my life and that means writing. My agent called me and said that he’d got a job for me, I was sceptical as he’s useless and normally only accepts deals that appeal to him rather than me, but I don’t mind, work’s work and he’s a laugh anyway. So I met him, he said to me “I’ve got a job for ya buddy, I think your gonna love it!” still sceptical I paused and waited for him to elaborate. He’d got me a job writing the script for “brains for breakfast 3”, the latest part in the shittest series of zombie movies to ever be released, of course at first I declined, until he told me how much they were willing to pay me. For that much money I’m determined to turn this movie round, even if the title is still a joke.
fter my meeting with Joe Franks (my agent), I went to see my psychiatrist again, don’t worry I’m not insane, I’m under court orders to see a psychiatrist for 10 weeks after my little run in with the police a couple weeks back. Got pulled over for a busted tail light and the boys in blue found my stash. If it weren’t for the fact we just had sex every time I went to see her, I think she could really help me solve my problems but do I really seem like the kind of guy who would pass up sex with a beautiful woman to talk about his feelings? After that mid afternoon sex therapy session I got to see my daughter, Danielle, this isn’t something I take for granted since they left, even though I still regularly see them and persist in trying to flirt my way back into my ex’s heart, it’s not really the same. I took her for ice cream and we walked across the beach, the same way we used too when she was younger, my little girls grown up into a 16 year old pain in the ass but she’ll always be my little girl to me. I dropped her back off at her mother’s, Susan, that’s my ex wife, can’t believe I’ve babbled on for this long and not even told you her name is Susan. I stayed there for a while when I dropped Dani off, it was nice spending time with the two of them again, yet kind of sad at the same time as it was just a reminder of how messed up things have got.
After I left there, I didn’t know what to do, it was only 6:30pm and I didn’t really want to return home to another lonely night of smoking, drinking and staring at a blank screen trying so hard just to write a single damn word so I went to a bar, I’m not really sure what it was called but it was on the way home and it sold alcohol, couldn’t really ask for much more. I made my way in, it wasn’t one of the classiest places I’ve ever visited but I wasn’t feeling particularly classy anyway. I ordered a few shots, once I’d made my way through them the rest of the nights pretty much a blur. Needless to say I woke up the same as I do every other morning, half a pack of smokes, half a bottle of JD and a girl I couldn’t remember the name of in a house I didn’t recognize. I got up and got dressed quietly, left without saying a word, you may think that’s gutless and cruel but I think it’s just saves awkwardness.
I got home, I felt a bit rough but hey, it was a good night from what I can’t remember, I took a couple pills and decided I should probably start working on the film script so I did. It didn’t go too well to start with, I did more smoking and napping that writing. After a while I got it going though, I’m not used to writing horrors but this one had me interested, probably because the plots so useless. Once I got started I couldn’t stop, the only time I moved from the chair all day was to piss, by the time it was morning again it was finished. Just as I finished the last page Joe was on the phone, said he’d got another offer for me. I’ve never had so many people want me to write their shit before, whether people are impressed with my work or whether its charity I don’t know but work is work and it’s helping me prove to Susan I’m not as useless as I used to be. I got showered and dressed and left to meet Joe. We met in our usual place, a bar on the seafront. We followed our usual tradition, 2 beers before he explains the offer to me; this lessens the doubt in me. He’d had an offer from and upcoming TV network that wanted me to write the script for their new shitty drama about a group of med students, the program is based around how they deal with their education, the stress of all the work and what goes on in their personal lives too. Now this is more like what I’m used too, normally my works a little darker but making up shit about fictional character’s fucked up lives is what I’m a pro at. I’d got to write a script for 23 episodes, they’ve said I’ve got 6 months to do it, seems doable. He said I could start it as soon as filming for that zombie film had finished, they might need me on set until the filming is over as they might need me to edit a few bits. I went home and slept for a few hours, I and Joe were going to Dani’s gig on the night. Did I mention she’s in a band? Well she is nevertheless, this was another chance to show Susan I could behave myself and use the opportunity to tell her about all the work I’d got going on. Joe brought his wife, Charlotte, a beautiful blond woman that was way out of his league but they’d been childhood sweethearts and were happy. I was on my best behaviour tonight, as much of an ass I usually act I didn’t want to embarrass my daughter. Me and Susan were getting on better, she was proud of me working so much, we danced and we laughed, it made a change to just arguing and her throwing things at me.