I could've enlisted specifically as a nurse and not go through basic training because of my educational background (heck, I could've been an officer but I don't want to be inundated with...paperwork. Being an officer doesn't guarantee an insider position. I may be around top officials but the politics detract from the overall picture (even though it may be THE main reason). Besides, I'd be on the wrong side of politics. This is a side issue for later, however). But something told me to leave my options open: to enlist (so that I may change my mind and do something else if the opportunity presents itself) as a soldier. As just a civilian nurse, I wouldn't have the range of information I could have as a soldier. I had to carefully weigh the pros and cons with being a civilian to being on the force -but I'm already a civilian, I think there's a perspective I'm missing by not being on the "inside". Some soldiers are eager to share their stories, but as civilians, we still don't know -won't know until we are there ourselves. Besides, I need the exercise and maybe I hate being around gossipy people...That's where I may find information, you are probably saying. Yes and no. Too much rumor to sift through...hell, all Truth lies within webs of deceit does it not? If I enlisted as a nurse, I could help save lives; saving their lives so they can continue to take lives seem antithetical to peace or "peace keeping". At this point, I don't care either way, it's not even the real issue with me, but it's very telling of how we want to be "right" no matter what (*doing all we could to continue a war just to prove a point...unless it's for profitable reasons, and that's another story altogether). After all, it's easier to justify actions we are about to make (such as demonizing humans) instead of reinforcing reasons why we shouldn't. (*When we do make reasons of why we "shouldn't" do something it's seen as making excuses). ...You are the only person who know the real reason I can't really be a nurse and I'll leave it at that.
Yet, I know as a soldier I may have to take lives...War at its core is simply survival, and the only way I would actually kill the other person is if s/he (directly) threatens those I love or directly threatens my life. Since I have no family (that I know of) in the war, I will survive any way that I can (without killing, although violence doesn't really bother me --product of a "desensitivizing" culture)...which is why I don't mind being a soldier. We are all soldiers, we just don't all physically fight. If it came down to it, I like fighting with words and physically if I have to, to defend my position. The only thing "wrong" with fighting is this thing called morals that are ascribed to it...
Seriously, If you're fighting because you believe in some ideal, you're just as wrong as the enemy you're fighting -and no, just because the other person is dead it doesn't make your ideal/belief any more correct. It just makes the other person dead. See, if humans left Natural Selection well enough alone, there would be fewer humans (fewer stupid ones, I imagine). Instead, humans endeavor to have to this silly thing called "immortality" and "fairness" and outlive usefulness.
About my day today: we have training, a break, and then night classes (to choose to go to Aviation or whatever other field). The problem is during our break, everything on base is closed and unless you have a car, there's NO way to go to the nearest TOWN (that's only an hour or so away). The buses that go on base don't have a set schedule (surprisingly!) -and the last bus back from town returns at 20:00. The first bus from town is 06:00 ~VERY problematic because we have to check out and check in and if we're not on base at certain times we could get into trouble (to put it lightly).
So I spend some of my time at the NCO. Officers who are lower rank love to talk because they believe in their self importance -but the higher ranking officers need more encouraging. I'm not going to be nosy and seem suspicious this early in the game so whatever they may say in passing, I take note of. Usually, I'm at the library to read articles but not to go online since it's easy to trace what I research. Why must I go to great lengths to hide the fact I'm searching for the Truth --even psychologists say that the first step to solving a problem is to acknowledge it...except that politicians can indeed acknowledge there is a problem, just not which one is the MOST important for to do so would mean to undermine the whole system that gives them their power. I digress. You know Truthseekers get into trouble and called conspiracy theorists (etc.) so to "blend in" (you know how much of an individual I can be) I can't draw suspicion to myself --I'm not a spy or anything...or I could be and just don't know it yet (*sigh).
At any rate classes are so straightforward and field tests are grueling but well worth the experience. I sometimes lose sight of my goal, becoming entrenched in their purpose and myopic disaster, such is the power of one. But, excitingly enough, I was actually able to go off post today, and ran into an old [childhood] friend. He was floored that I enlisted and planned on being a nurse, no less.
“I guess everyone needs a livelihood, eh?”
“What do you mean livelihood (I said innocently enough)? I was just bored with life. A change of pace is nice. So what brings you here of all places?”
“...Private lawyer turned investigator, I suppose… Just because we’re not physically fighting yet, or there’s no escalation that we know of, I still feel that there’s something important going on that the public needs to know…at least something I want to know anyway. You know as well as I, that I’m a nosy person who could never take any answer at face value…You too! So why didn’t you enlist as a reporter?”
“Didn’t feel like getting shot by friendly or hostile fire. And I’m sure I’d get fired for even trying to report the truth. The only vocation I can think of that has any verity to it is bar tending.”
“Ha haa. That’s true! Speaking of, would you like to have a drink with me?”
“Perhaps later. I want to pick your brains regarding this war or wars if we look at what’s happening separately…Although I have a feeling it’s all part of the same scheme…”
“I look forward to it! You’re right, events don’t happen independently of each other, and certainly not without consequence.”
“I am off to town, though. Would you like to accompany me, or are you busy now?”
“I have a few moments to spare for an old friend…”
So we spent part of the day together –I won’t bore you with details ~SO at the barracks I was prepared to call it a day except there was an emergency drill so I’ll write more later.