January 26

Letter To A Wandering Soul,

It's been so long since I've picked up this old, ink pen and written in my journal. I remember pondering why I hadn't written anything in a while. I'd said that it was because I had lost inspiration to write and had none..so why am I writing now? Is it that I've been insipred by my emotionally driven feelings?

You can call me a drama queen as lots of people do...but I try and not care about what others think of me. I want to live my life based on what I want and not what others expect of me...that might sound a bit self-centered but that's not what it is to me...I just can't base everything I do on the expectations people set of me...but I will make sure that anything I do will not immensely hurt someone.

Emotions are so fascinating...without them I can't be human and neither can anyone else. I can't control them but I can hide them. Putting on a mask is as easy as playing the role of a character in some theatrical drama. I hide and try to push away these emotions I feel instead of embracing them, which I think is the actual key to making this one flaw disappear.

But putting on a mask is not as easy as taking it off. I haven't quite yet found anyone who I've been able to be open with. My brother, having the perfect heart he has, has almost always been able to see through me...but he's known me since I was born, how can he not? I haven't yet met anyone out of my family who can see through it...not one...

Reading all those novels where there is a damsel in distress and a knight swoops in and saves her...I usually wondered who the knight would be for me. I remember talking to this about a friend and Helena told me, "the knight doesn't have to be someone else, it can be you!" If so, why is it so hard to pull me out of this deep water that I've drowned myself in?

I've already left the true place I felt comfortable in, and seeing the city lights sparkle like they'd never had, I truly knew deep inside that I was leaving my home. Wherever I was going now, I do not know...but one thing I do...

Isolation is a sweet pain I'm willing to experience,

Your soul-searching spirit

The End

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