Too Cool

Dear Ravi,

You are a complete idiot! What were you thinking when you told the teacher you thought she was too old to be considered properly alive?! I get that math is boring- I hate it too, but that doesn’t make it right for you to go tell her that! And writing math = mental abuse to humans on the board after she asked you to give her an equation…Do you even know what can happen to you now? You could die...or worse, get expelled! I’m serious Ravi, that principal is like the Hulk- nothing that enters her cabin ever comes out the same. I think my face pretty much said its goodbyes to you, but to be honest, you looked like you had no worries at all.  You were gone for the rest of math and the PE coach was just getting us warmed up when you walked in. You didn’t tell him why you were late, didn’t get changed into shorts, you just walked behind me and stood silently. The PE teacher Justin is usually so angry when somebody walks in late or unannounced but he didn’t even bat an eyelash! You still had all your limbs and I’m going to assume you haven’t lost your mind either because you’re still here, so my only question now is, how did you get them all on your side? You must have secret Jedi powers, but you smirked at me and whispered, “Got to use the rich sperm donor’s influence somehow.” Really, that’s how you did it? Busting out the old, 'do you know who my daddy is' line? I take back what I said about you being a Jedi- you’re not resourceful or powerful; you’re just a copycat.   I stuck my tongue out at you, but you just snickered and walked away; petulant child.


Currently, you were at my house watching a movie and throwing popcorn at the screen while I was desperately trying not to laugh at the dying girl because that is exactly how funny your running commentary was. We were (attempting to) watching Orphan and you were a riot! My brother came to check on us quite a few times probably wondering what sort of nut-jobs laughed at a daughter stabbing her father, but god, your dramatic gasps and moans of pain were hilarious! It went something like “And the mother, very hot by the way, walks into a dark room. Well, obviously, when there’s a killer on the loose the best place to go to is a dark creepy room .She searches for the light switch, but surprise, surprise, it doesn’t work. So she yells out in anger and then shuts her mouth because that’s a sure-fire way to make sure the sound doesn’t travel and ducks behind the door, holding a…you guessed it, a baseball bat. Where did that come from again?’’ Those were just the mild comments. Man, whoever made the movie sure didn’t count on your existence to royally mess it up.

After that episode we went to the kitchen and started on dinner. And after an entire hour of hard work and the use of extreme skill, we came up with two plates of perfectly soggy, slightly black Ramen. It wasn’t the best, but we sucked it up and ate it all anyway…and then ordered some pizza. You wanted pepperoni and I wanted pineapple and jalapenos. It’s safe to say the pizza guy is never going to pick up another call from my number again…

You’re such a dork Ravi and thinking you’re badass isn’t going to change anything, so you can quit trying those Jackie Chan moves because you’re never going to get anywhere anyway.



The End

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