Jealous Of A Baby Monkey

Dear Ravi,

Today there was a girl hanging onto your arm like a baby monkey. She managed looked like a hooker even while wearing her uniform! She was standing abnormally close to you and was whispering things into your ears. For some reason, this annoyed me. I wanted to rip off her fingers and feed them to the sharks! I swear I’m not usually this violent, but there’s something about that scene that had me pissed.

Kudos to you though, for trying to extract her claws because it looked like really hard work. You nearly had her off when you turned your head and your eyes met mine. I was too far away to read your expression, but your next step was something nobody predicted. You shot me a glare and wrapped your arm around her waist! If it was any other situation I probably would have laughed at the expression of shock on her face, but this was you so I just felt this pain in my chest. I was hurting and I was jealous- extremely so, even if I didn’t have the right to be. You weren’t my boyfriend, and after what I said yesterday, I wasn’t even sure whether you still considered me a friend, but I couldn’t help it. I missed you so much and I wanted to claw Alia’s eyes out even if it was you that had your arm around her. But I couldn’t do or say anything because it was entirely my fault. I had pushed you away when you were only trying to be there for me. I feel like such an idiot.

It continued the same way throughout the day. You would be walking alone or with your ‘friends’ but every time you or anyone of the group saw me, Alia was somehow touching in some way. It irked me to no end knowing that you preferred her company to mine, but then again, she’s extremely pretty, popular and probably not rude to those that genuinely try to help her.

I felt extremely remorseful and had been trying all day to catch you alone to apologize, but that didn't seem to be happening anytime soon.

I get that you’re mad Ravi, but do you really have to rub it in my face- that you can have anything, anyone you want anytime and I can’t even get the one person that liked me to stay.

I’m sorry. I really did want to apologize today, but couldn’t because I was afraid you would reject me and laugh in front of all your friends; as if I don’t get shunned enough anyway for being the ‘girl whose family hates her’. I don’t even understand how they know that even my own blood can’t stand me enough to even manage a simple hello. I certainly didn’t tell anyone. But then again, in a small town where everybody knows everybody else, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise.

I know that every reason cited above is just another excuse to disguise my cowardice. I feel so ashamed of myself. So I’ve resolved to come to your house to say sorry and perhaps reconcile with your parent (they don’t hate me too, do they?). Please don’t consider this as stalking…I’m just a little desperate. 



The End

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