I haven't written in a few days, I know, I'm sorry. It's just been so hectic around here I haven't gotten to a computer. We're finally moving back to the south Char. I know you missed me when I moved up north, and now I'm coming back, I promise I will visit you every weekend instead of only once every few months...and I'll bring you flowers, I'll write the letters by hand Char, and I'll leave them for you. I want it to seem like you could hear me when I kneel down in the wet earth and whisper to you, telling you how much I miss you.
I do miss you Charlie, so so much. It still hurts, and I listen to Skillet's song Lucy and I cry every single time. I just want to hold you, and tell you everything is going to be ok, the way that you used to tell me. I wish I could change things, I wish it were different, you meant the world to me. I can only hope that you remember me, wherever it is that you are. Remember the fun times we had...
Your funeral was one of the most painful things for me I think, but also it was a bit of a release. I was asked to give a speech at it and at first I was doubtful, but I agreed. I would give a speech, and then I would sing three songs. One of them being your favourite "Wavin' Flag". You missed the World Cup Charlie, and you were so excited about it. You were right though, Spain are still in it, and Argentina did get knocked out already. It was a bit of a shock for me.
I will never forget singing that song in the church. I started off alone, but ended the song with everyone singing with me.
When I get older....
It made me sad to think of the fact that you would never grow old Charlie. In my heart you will be forever 24, even when I am 60.
Charlie I miss you. I wish you were here so I could pester you with my songs and lyrics and ask you what you think of them. I normally only did it for the frustrated look you would get in your brown eyes as you tried to get me to shut up.
I remember you hanging me out of a tree one day by my tshirt. I was so frightened that you would drop me that I kept quiet until my two feet were firmly back on the ground again. You always tried to find ways to get my little chatterbox mouth to stay shut for longer then 5 minutes. I remember the time you gave me sleeping tablets and I fell asleep for about 4 or 5 hours. You told me it had never been so quiet and swore that you would never do it again.
I think I pushed you off the bridge for that one...
But your funeral, oh my gosh Charlie, I never knew how many people's lives you had changed. I think you would have been proud of my speech, you know how nervous I get when I have to get up and talk in front of people. It's a bit ridiculous considering I can sing no problem. But this was different. It was as if I had written you a letter and read it to everyone. I bared my soul on that altar and not one person did not cry.
I almost broke down halfway through it, but deep down I found the strength to finish it because I needed to get it out.
I'm still having an awful lot of trouble letting you go Charlie.
I miss you.