A young woman struggles with her past, the difficulty of being able to love again, drugs and the possibility of an affair with the one she cant seem to get over.
She was reminding herself what it was like to be alone. Back in her old place she had spent most nights on her couch, empty wrappers and dirty dishes filling the table, getting high while listening to music and thinking about her past. Music and drugs had been her catharsis; the combination of belting out angry lyrics and numbing her emotions kept her sane enough to make it to the next day. She had been broken and it had nearly cost her everything. She was better now, she had moved on and even more surprising, she had found someone who she could trust. It had taken her awhile and it had been terrifying, but she left her old situation, and after months of lonely nights like these, she had gone out and found a new one. This is her first normal relationship, though the fact that she's in it makes it far from healthy. She's in love, and so is he. Theyre perfect for each other and everyone else can see it. So why does she do this to herself? She's been thinking back to how things used to be, to her past and the people in it. The person in it. She cant forget him and its been a problem for quite some time. She could ignore it before but now its finding its way into her current relationship, poisoning it, unwilling to give her the salvation she needs.
Tonight, she does something she hasnt done in over a year. She sits on her couch, while her boyfriend sits at his buddy's getting drunk, in her bathrobe getting high. the music is cranked and she's staring at the muted TV, thinking about him and her past and how she cant forget it no matter how hard she tries. And she thinks its kind of funny how different her life has become, shes got everything she ever wanted, yet she's about to go screwing it all up. Tonight, she sits and reminds herself what its like to be alone, so that maybe when her boyfriend comes home she can appreciate him. Then maybe, just maybe, she wont even be tempted to go screwing it all up like she always does.