A couple of shorts and one-shots here and there. Some might be a lot longer than others and some might only be two pages. This also might not get updated as much since I don't write shorts that often.
By this time, I’m pretty you already know about sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming, and/or realistic nightmares so I’m not going to get into what they’re about. I mean, you are my therapist. But as much as lucid dreaming might sound fun and realistic nightmares might scare the shit out of me, it’s sleep paralysis that seemed to interest me the most. I stumbled upon it by accident as I was scrolling through Tumblr... Alone... In my living room.
Remember when you asked me why, at the age of 16, was I already so sure of myself that I couldn’t live alone? We touched on this topic but I didn’t tell you everything. I couldn’t tell you everything. Anyways, while I was on Tumblr, I saw a gif that illustrated what sleep paralysis might look like to some people. Damn did it scare the shit out me. It messed my head up a lot more than the first time I’ve ever seen an image of Jeff The Killer. Which was the first time I’ve heard about CreepyPastas.
This is, and isn’t, the reason why I can’t live by myself.
Since I was little I’ve always been afraid of the dark. Just because it was... Well, dark. Like most kids, I hated having to sleep with all the lights off. The good thing is, my mother and my grandma never did such a thing. The bedrooms, the living room, and in some of my relative houses, the kitchen all have a T.V of some kind. Because of this, I’ve never had to sleep without one. If one would try to take out the T.V and put a radio or a night light, it wouldn’t work and I would either cry myself to sleep to stay awake somehow until I saw the sun. Thank god that didn’t happen a lot.
But as I grew up, I started reading and learning about the paranormal things, myths, and hauntings. My mother is interested in these things as well. Just as much as I am and, since I didn’t really have understanding friends, she was the person I was around a lot. One of the odd things that happened while we lived with my grandma until moving to Charlottesville was something I don’t think about a lot if I don’t try to.
There was only two rooms in my grandma’s duplex, grandma’s room and the back room. Although we never had a problem with sleeping downstairs, there were times when my brothers and I would sleep in the back room. The back room was our room even though we were never in it that much. We had a bunk bed, three dressers, and a T.V sitting on one of them. That was all that room can hold.
One night I ended up getting in trouble for something. Don’t remember what but it was probably stupid. I was sent to my room at around eight after dinner and I was told not to cut on the T.V. Of course, I wouldn’t be sleep at this time, I was alone and the T.V wasn’t on, so I couldn’t sleep. But then the light blew out. It scared the shit out of me, I jumped and told my grandma about it. She told me we didn’t have any extra lights and gave me a flashlight. She said to use it as a night light. Why wouldn’t she just come up and stay with me until I went to sleep or let me stay in her room? And, at this time, my mom wasn’t home, but all the way in Duke, NC with my little brother because of his leukemia.
Whatever the reason was as to leave me in the room by myself, I did as she said and cut the flashlight on. Most people fall asleep in silence and in darkness. How? I have no idea. I didn’t try to sleep at all. Our bed is straight across from the window that looked out to on to the backyard. That was the only peaceful thing about all this. But it did make the shadow in the corners of the room across from me very dark and define.
I couldn’t stop looking at the corner to the left of me. It was a lot darker than the corner on the right but I kept telling myself to just stay calm and that there’s nothing there. Easier said than done. I swear to god I saw a face. Well, more like a mask. I quickly swung the light over but nothing was there. You would think I’d just shrug it off or I’ll run downstairs... No. I sat there, stunned. There was no one there but I saw a mask. My back was to the wall so I can all sides of my room and I left the light on the left side of the room.
But then it showed up on the right this time. My reaction was late when I moved the light over to this side. Slowly, I got up. Moving closer to the door while panning the flashlight from side to side until I left the room. I saw the mask a lot clearer this time. And I saw it. It was hard seeing how it was dark as hell and the only thing I can make out is his mask. A white mask that looked to be apart of his face. He had small red eyes and was seemed to be bleeding from them. But the blood was also black, mixing in with the fact that he too was a shadow. I didn’t tell my grandma what I saw, I just cried into making her let me stay in the living and sleep with her that night.
Years past that, Christmas of 2010 rolled around. I was 14 at the time and it was a beautiful couple of days leading up to Christmas. The snow was just as amazing. My aunts and my grandma were here! One of my favorites Christmases, to be honest. I believe it was the year right before Charlottesville, and a couple of other cities, had that huge snow storm. Remember that? For kids it was like heaven! For working adults... Not so much. Sorry... I might have gotten off topic.
Well, everything was going fine, like every other Christmas. That is, until I found this cartoon on Newgrounds called Snowy the Frostman. I don’t want to think about that any further. It’s really just Frosty the Snowman but for adults and had a dark storyline from episode one. On one hand, I didn’t want to watch past episode three. It scared me so much... On the other hand... I had to keep watching. I had to keep watching for the storyline. Long story short; it took me til I was 17 to finally watch the last episode and it still scared me for a good month. It was July and I still felt like I had to watch my back.
Now, nothing’s changed.
I’m still a loner with few friends and only my mother to talking about cryptids and anything paranormal. These things didn’t scare me until I learned about CreepyPastas. It’s a site and a wikia with scary stories. Chilling tales for dark nights. That was a reference, I hope you got that...
Look, what I’m trying to say is, being alone... Being in the dark. Being in a room that is completely silence isn’t why I can’t live by myself.
It’s what’s in the darkness.
It’s how quiet everything is.
It’s the images my head keeps in an archive waiting on the perfect moment.
You know I’m dealing with paranoia and anxiety, we don’t have to talk about that either. But it’s because of those two things that I can’t stop seeing the images and horrific drawings of those CreepyPastas. Like I said, the stories, even the CreepyPastas I would listen to at night. I love them so much... But they leave their own footprints in my head.
I’ve realized by now I’m oddly afraid of what I love the most. Not serial killers or death itself. But myths and monsters that may or may not be real. To this day, I still don’t being alone in the house. Ben, Tales Doll, Sonic.exe, Suicide Mouse... The main CreepyPasta monsters are still haunting me. Ben is the most interesting one to me, thus scaring me the most.
But it didn’t just stop with the creepy ass pictures that are all over the internet that I like to look up. Before, I talked about sleep paralysis and how it scares me the most out of anything I’ve ever read because it happened to me once
It wasn’t like anything that I’ve ready. Hell, when it happened I had to register what happened.
They say the easiest way to enter in a state of sleep paralysis is to fall asleep on your back. The room has to be calm, not quite, but calm. Some of the other tricks are to be stress-free and asleep by a certain time. These tricks really don’t have a valid mark of approval. Just some people state that this helps. Personally, I knew how dangerous and scary this deep sleep can be so I never thought about doing it. Though, that night could have just been a coincidence.
My sister was sleeping over her friend’s house that night and I was left alone in the our room. Calm and peaceful. I didn’t really do much today and, at the time, I was watching a YouTuber’s daily vlog. Stress-free. But you and I both know that I don’t sleep until after 4am or 6am. Still, I’m not sure when I finally fell asleep but I was laying on my back.
Unlike most stuff I’ve read, I’m not able to recall every bit and detail but I’ll try.
I recall it starting out like a normal, weird dream. I was around three other people and we were in this basement looking area of a shutdown building. Thinking about it now, the rundown building kind of looked like a hospital designed like those in Animes. But never mind that. That was just a thought. We were just sitting around one another and talking, hanging out like humans do. Then I remember laying down on something. Before, I thought it looked like a pullout chair, but now I know it looked more like a hospital bed but was metal and weak. Maybe it wasn’t a finished bed? I don’t know.
Either way, I was laying on it like a bed as I started talking to one of the guys. But then I felt a grip around my stomach. Like if someone was hugging you. One of those ‘bear hugs’ you would get from your dad, uncle, grandpa even. The only one who gave our bear hugs was my aunt. Anyway, the ‘hug’ got tighter and I felt confused about who was holding me down to the bed. I didn’t struggle for some reason nor did I scream. I just moved around a little, trying to break free but then a face caught my attention.
If I had told this story to my friends, which I did, they would have laughed at me and thought I was lying about, which they did. The face I saw was the Nob mascot. The signature face every fan of ImoortalHDFilms knows of. It was just the stupid looking face itself. Even I thought this was weird, I didn’t take it seriously and I wasn’t scared. Just really, really confused. I wanted to push it off but I couldn’t. I thought I was, I swear I was pushing him back with my hands but my arms were still laying there.
Finally, the face moved back while papers started flying everywhere. Not sure where the papers even came from but it was a dream. They had stuff written on them but with the wind, I think, moving them around, I wasn’t able to read them. Again, the thing started holding me down even tighter than last time. Moments went by of me finally struggling and it not moving at all.
Then it left.
I don’t even know how it left. Did it disappeared? Did it fade away? Did it burst into flames?! Whatever, that didn’t matter. After it was gone I laid there and watched as I could see the wind around me moving. I remember seeing one of the girls who was with us watching. Starting at me with wide eyes. She didn’t seem scary, just shocked. As if she saw everything. But I don’t recall her being there during everything.
Once I looked away from her, I found myself back in my room and in my bed. Everything looked okay and I thought the weird dream was over but I still wasn’t able to move. My head was already facing the T.V, as if I had fell asleep watching YouTube.
Speaking of YouTube. That was exactly what it was on. The video it was paused on was a vlog from SprinkleofGlitter. Because it was paused, it was quiet. Really fucking quiet. Now was when I started to feel scared. Still unsure about what was going on, I kept trying to move but all I can do is look around the room. I didn’t see anyone or anything but I can hear laughter.
The laughing sounded like two teenage girls as if they were poking fun at someone. This made me feel uneasy since, like I said, no one was there. From the strange laughing to the stiffness of my body, I was almost ready to cry.
Another fact people tell you about sleep paralysis is to never blink. Let your body wake itself up. If you blink it may allow you to see what’s holding you back.
But that only hit me til after I woke up. I closed my eyes and kept it closed for a good while. Then I finally came to.
I opened my eyes to a bright and early morning. It was still quiet and I was still facing the T.V. And it was still on Louise’s vlog. The vlog, it was paused on the same frame. I looked around at what I could see of the room before trying to move my head. And it did. My head finally moved to face the wall behind me. Then I looked back at the T.V.
It might have taken me a couple of minutes, but I sat up. shifting to have my back to the wall so I can see every corner of my room. I just sat there. My mind trying to understand what just happened. I started breathing faster like I just ran laps around my apartments. I then felt terrified as it came to me that the dream could have been my playthrough of sleep paralysis.
Now, before I start jumping to conclusions, the next thing I did after grabbing a hold of my mind was grabbing a hold of my laptop. As it may sound like an odd case of this interesting mental disorder, I had to check if it wasn’t something else. Remember one of days we meet in your office and I told you have the spirit I’ve seen in my apartment and the one inside of Carver Reck? The part that they felt alone until they started rebuilding the school. Remember?
Because of my beliefs, I do think I can see what others can’t and some to closed minded to realize. But why I think it could be ‘something else’ is the fact that my mom, when she was little, had a friend who was interested in the same things as I was. Though, she didn’t just read about spells, Wiccans, and most things people see as dark. She identified herself as a Wiccan and performed as such.
One day while my mom and her friends were over at Nicole's house, the girl who’s said to be a witch, they played around with an Ouija Board. My mom had told me nothing huge happened and she didn’t know if it had worked. If anything did happen, I don’t remember, but what I do remember is that she told me that night was a strange encounter to her. She doesn't remember if she had a dream or not, she can remember is waking up but was unable to get up. Her head in the pillow, she couldn’t breath, she couldn’t help herself... She could only screamed and struggle until she finally shot up from her bed.
The difference here is that she was laying on her stomach, not her back. If that even makes a difference to be honest. All I know is that she knew what was on her back was a demon. A demon Nicole had to put away because some of their friends didn’t take it as seriously as my mom and Nicole did. But why did it attack my mom? She didn’t tell me if it attacked the others before Nicole sealed it away. I don’t doubt if it was a demon, I also don’t doubt that it was sleep paralysis.
Sleep paralysis is a mental disorder so, of course, I would have learned about it before. But it has been awhile so I went back to the notes and sites that I studied on before. I also went to some blogs and new sites that talked about other people’s nights with sleep paralysis.
None of them seems to read similar to the first half of my dream other than not being able to move. But the second half, the part where I ‘woke up’ in my room seem to be very common. There were other stories were some people didn’t wake up in their room, but in other places around their house. The only thing about the second half was that I never saw a demon or a spirit like others have claimed to see either by blinking or just keeping their eyes open.
Maybe if I had blink... I would have been able to see the people laughing.
I’m so fucking glad I didn’t.
Once I was done reading, I started thinking about the dream and why my head would think that the Nob mascot would scare me. The face is funny, I’m used to seeing it, and I even want a shirt with its face on it. I couldn’t stop laughing about it. It wasn’t surprising that it would be something from YouTube since my entertainment life is based on it, but it could have been a CreepyPasta, if anything.
I laughed then. Even talking about it on Instagram with a couple of people who’s also went through sleep paralysis. All the stories were pretty different than the last. All very interesting.
Because of my Anxiety and Paranoia Disorder causing me to have an overactive imagination, my love and fear for the creepy shit that most people wouldn’t be scared of, the shadow I saw when I was kid still in the back of my mind and can be a possible shadow person, and that I the constant fear of one night dealing with sleep paralysis on an even greater scale. It might have just been something well loved and funny this time... But next time it might just tap into my fears.
That’s my reason why I could never live alone. I know, FOR SURE, that I’ll go insane.
A/N: As real as this can get, I did stretch the truth a little bit. The dream is real. The sent to my room and seeing a face is real. Being able to see spirits is real. Having a flash video scare the shit out of me was real. Suffering through Anxiety and Paranoia is real. Everything other than what the shadow person looked like is real. Yes, I do believe I can't live alone because of how my brain handles itself. These are my real-life problems that I deal with day by day and I'm really fucking sick of it.
As for the mask that I saw in the dark. I might have been too afraid to remember so I used a bit of inspiration. In fact, this whole story started when I saw Tohdaryl's comic strip as I was on Tumblr. Both about seeing a face in the dark as he's trying to go to bed. I loved it so much that I had to put his monster in my short story. Go check his Tumblr out and you'll see the two post I'm talking about.