YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THIS!!!
You really would not believe this. It's so incredible; so completely, indescribably incredible. Never in all my five thousand years of life have I felt so euphoric. Not in my wildest dreams had I ever dreamed that this could happen. It's like a wish come true!
I know that sounds really whimsical and soppy, but that's really how it feels!
I'm feeling something incredible inside me, something I haven't felt for a very long time.
Wait, wait, wait, hold up. I'm getting ahead of myself. I think my excitement must have run away with me there. Okay, let me just get down off the ceiling and I'll explain it properly.
Gods know why I'm bothering, it's not like anyone's reading this is it? You're probably nothing but a figment of my bored imagination who has absolutely no interest in what I'm about to say.
Well tough, because I'm telling you anyway.
Let me take you back about two to three hours.
The time, late morning.
The place, The Ogre's main rooms.
The circumstances, Mothballs-For-Brains shrieking inanely at mid-air and me ducking out of the way of the chamberpot that's just been thrown at my head...