For love was born of sorrow, and therefore could only end in such.
“I love you.”
Three words, three simple words fell from her lips. Simple, yet they managed to ruin everything.
He stared at her for a long time. She was his best friend, and all that was entailed by that. She was his life support, his confident, his everything. She had stood beside him through all the trials of life.
And oh, it was never enough. He wanted her to be so, so much more.
But, no. It simply could not be.
Simply. He laughed to himself. Nothing was simple. Nothing ever had been. But at least it had been easier before she had dared to utter those three irreversible words.
She was staring up at him now, her eyes wide and filled with immeasurable sorrow. They were the most precise shade of green, those eyes, but now they were clouded over with a mist he hated to see. She was never supposed to be in pain. He was the weak one, the shattered one. She was the one who was supposed to hold on. She was his strength along with everything else. He needed her strength, for certainly he lacked any of his own.
She was waiting, he knew. She was always waiting for something, though usually her expression was that of a quiet contemplation as she stared out into the great unknown that was the world. It was so unfamiliar to her, but perhaps that was how she managed to so narrowly escape the pain that was inflicted upon him every single day.
He wanted to answer her. It would have been so simple.
He wished that he could pull her up into his arms, kiss her and tell her that he loved her ten times as much, that every ounce of his blackened heart was begging for her to pour in her love and purify it.
But he could not. He could not risk it. For love was born of sorrow, and therefore could only end in such. And how could he make it through the bleak days of aimless wandering if the one person he clung to for the very reason that she would never hurt him was the cause of his demise?
No. no, it was not so very simple after all. though he very much doubted anything was.
So instead he said nothing. He stood there silently, watching as her heart was ripped to shreds and not even bothering to pick up a single, fragile piece.
She knew then, what he meant to say, though of course they were still bathing in the reverberating silence. And then a pitiful sob broke from her chest, and a river of liquid diamonds broke from her eyes. He thought that maybe if he tried ever so hard he could find a way to drown himself in them.
He did not expect her to pull out a gun. But nevertheless there it was, that damned pistol which she clutched in her trembling hand.
“then kill me,” she whispered. Her voice was strong, despite the tremors rushing through her frail body that he so longed to cradle. “If you do not love me, then kill me.”
He held her gaze for some time, his dull, ashen eyes burning up in the acidity of her own. She was trying very hard to be fierce, but he could see right through her to how broken she was. How broken she had always been. Sometimes it seemed she was just better at holding it together, finding whimsical things to fill the cracks so that her inner darkness could not seep out.
She was only kidding of course. She was upset. She was confused. Surely the gun wasn’t even loaded. Anyway, she wouldn’t be able to pull the trigger. She was too weak, made even more so by her emotional state.
“You’re being ridiculous,” he murmured. “I do love you; I just-”
She let out a shriek then, a tangled mess of anger and fear and hatred and a deep, deep wretchedness. He winced as it penetrated his ears, for the sound of it was the screech of a thousand weeping souls crawling their way from the grave.
Then came the shot. One single shot. It was all it took.
He watched with that same hushed tenacity. He did not cry. He could not cry. When at last the deafening silence became too much to bear he went to her, and he pulled her into his arms and he kissed her like he had wanted to do all along.
“I love you.”
Three words, three simple words fell from his lips. Simple, yet they managed to ruin everything.