Back at school it was the same, except one big difference, Kath stayed with me all the time. At lunch we sat on the school field together. It was a sunny day so we just lay on the grass chatting about nothing in particular. It was really nice. Up until we noticed a shower over us...
“Oh look it’s Kate the skank and her new friend Kath the loser.” As you might have guessed, it was Faye.
“Shut up!” Kath yelled at Faye, obviously not thinking straight!
“Don’t you tell me to shut up bitch!” Faye’s face goes bright red with anger. She picks up Kath by her shirt; her feet couldn’t reach the floor. She starts squirming in Faye’s grip but Faye doesn’t let go. Then suddenly there is a big bump and Kath was flat on her bum.
“Kate, don’t even think about starting with me, you know what happened last time.” Faye walked away with her friends, laughing as usual. Does Faye actually pick on everyone or is it just me she likes to make feel like crap?
“Kath, are you okay?” I look at her and she seems like she is okay but she says nothing. We sat in silence on the field for about ten minutes waiting for the bell to ring, I was thinking about how Faye really needs to suffer for what she does to people but Kath interrupted my thoughts and blurted out.
“I need to tell you something!” She seemed panicked, but I just looked at her calmly and asked what it was. Lots of things came through my mind at that moment. She knows why Jake hasn’t spoken to me for so long, that’s what it is! It has to be. Why he left that day. Kath knew how upset I was over Jake and what had happened with him; I had told her the day I moved into her house with her. It suddenly clicks...
“You had sex with him! Didn’t you?!” I am suddenly screaming at her, knowing that I am right.
“Kate, I am really sorry! He just came onto me; I didn’t know what I was doing! It was my first time and I really didn’t like it! I hate boys so much Kate. Please don’t hate me!” She had said it all so fast it was a blur. Why would Jake do this to me? What did I do wrong to him? Is he a rapist? I would have known if he was a rapist surely? I’ve known him for so long. I had loved him for so long and I still loved him. I felt like crying my heart out. My whole world had been turned upside down in just over a week. Nothing seemed right anymore. I wanted Jake back so badly. How could I have been so stupid? Everything whirled around in my head and I began to cry. I scrunched up my face in my hands and put my face on my knees. Curled up on the field I just cried and cried. Kath just left me to cry. I wasn’t angry at Kath, how could she know that I had liked him so much back then. She hardly knew me then. She didn’t deserve this as much as I didn’t.
After lunch had finished, I went to my lessons as normal. I spent the whole time thinking about Jake, why did he want to hurt me? In my last lesson, I had to ask to go to the toilet because I had begun to cry in the middle of the lesson! Jake has fucked my best friend... only friend. Jake used to be my best mate, now he’s fucking them? This isn’t right! What the hell is happening? I need to get away!
I ran out of the school and sat down on the field just across the road that had bushes all around the edge so I cannot be seen by anyone in school. I needed to catch my breath; once I had I made a rollie and sparked it up. There were a couple of people milling around in the field, not anyone that I knew though, thank god! Except I could see a figure coming closer to me...
“Kate! Please don’t be mad at me, there is something else I need to tell you.” I really did not want to hear what she had to say, but I didn’t want to lose her as a friend.
“I’m not mad at you Kath, it’s just Jake used to be my best mate and he has completely messed it all up! It just really hurts, you know?” She didn’t reply. “What do you have to tell me?”
“There is no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just say it,” She paused and in the few seconds that she paused millions of awful things came flooding into my mind of what she could have done. “Kate, I’m a lesbian, and I think I am in love with you...” Kath ran off as soon as she had said it. Shock ran through me. What?! She loves me? Really?
“Kath, come back!” I picked up my things and ran after her, stumbling a bit on my bag strings.
“It’s Okay Kate; you don’t have to talk to me again if you don’t want to.”
“But Kath, I want to talk to you, you are the most best mate I have ever had! I can’t lose you!.” I grabbed Kath’s hand and pulled her the other way so that we could walk home together. I didn’t really understand what was happening, I loved Kath, but did I love her in a lesbian way? I never had thought about it that way before. All I knew was that I needed someone to care for me and be there for me, Kath did care, she proved it when she stood up to Faye, and she was always there for me, plus the fact that she had said she loves me. What more could you ask of someone? Maybe Jake wasn’t what I needed after all, maybe Kath was, I just didn’t know it until now. I hadn’t let go of Kath’s hand after pulling her, she didn’t seem to notice and it made me feel safe again. I was loved again and soon Jake would be out of my mind for good. I would be happy again.
“Oh! Now they are lesbians as well!” Faye was standing just a little way in front of us, on her own for once.
“Faye, why don’t you just get the fuck out of my face!? I don’t need you to say stupid comments about me all the time! Just leave me the fuck alone!” I barged past her, still holding tightly onto Kath’s hand. Her love had given me strength to fight back and not give up anymore. Kath and I walked away quickly hoping that Faye would not come after us.
“Kate! That was bloody amazing! I’ve never seen you like that before.”
“I know, I’ve never been able to actually stand up to her without actually getting the crap kicked out of me. It’s strange, but ever since I’ve met you I’ve felt so much more confident, I’m just not scared anymore.” At that Kath gave me a light kiss on the cheek. It was an odd moment, but it was nice.
That night I lay on the fold out bed in Kath’s room, wide awake. I could not sleep. I had this awful feeling. I was alone, more than alone; I was nothing, no one. Would Kath really be there for me? Or was I really just going to be this no-body that everyone saw me as. Was I going to get used and abused once more? Why was life so hard? Jake was all I had for so long and now he was gone. Where was he? These things raced through my head through the night. I didn’t sleep for hours, I couldn’t, but I never wanted to wake up either. Life just seemed too painful at that moment. Life is all about risk, a risk I would rather not take anymore.