Okay so I imagine a scenario where I date one of the boys that lives across the street. We go to the movies and see “The odd life of Timothy Green”. I've seen this before, so I know for a fact that I would cry if I really went on a date to see this movie. So of course I did cry in this day dream. He consoles me and comforts me while I wipe my tears, then we leave the movie theater together at the end of the film. We go for a cup of coffee at a nearby coffee shop and he walks me home, since we live on the same road. When we get there he kisses me gently on the cheek and walks back to his house across the street.
That of course is the end of the imaginarium of me. I guess this shows my loneliness and the lack of understanding I have towards why I can't get over my ex. It's not like this resembles him in any way, but my ex never did take me on a date like that. Anyways, its not going to happen because, although the boys across the road do show interest whenever I'm around, they have never talked to me. Besides, I think they are too old for me anyways, since they don't seem to go to school. I think they work, or go to college/university, but I don't know.
Its okay to dream, to talk to oneself and to be, well, mentally unstable from time to time. But I think I dream way too realistically. I talk to walls, pillows, and blankets as though I were talking to the person. When I'm lying in bed I imagine being cuddle by my blanket as I push it in close behind me. To me that is beyond insane. Its like imaginary friends gone too far.
But in the same sense, I don't keep these dreams around as though they are real. I imagine them only when I'm alone, and generally only once. It's like I'm telling a story to myself, but mostly through acting it out. Perhaps being an actress would work better for me than writing?
I mean, when I'm alone, I can make myself cry with pain, laugh with joy, and act out pretty much any scenario I want. Though I always make sure to admit it is all fake when it comes to death scenario's. Mostly I do this because its better not to say “so and so died” because it could happen, and then it wouldn't be acting, it would be like a prediction.
Despite being good at acting, I can only be good at acting when I'm alone. I can force myself to act when I'm in front of people. But I usually get nervous and ad-lib my script, causing me to pause to think of what to say next. I also get shaky and I have difficulty moving around differently. Usually, I make the same gestures and tones of voice, but I think it could be because I have no training in Acting. I don't know... haha.
Anyways, I think I've run out of stuff to talk about here- an impossibility really- but if I write too much I'll get bored, I think.