This is a small scene that I'm writing for my Drama 30 course, I'm stuck as the director as well as playwright. I am just looking for some feedback about it so I can improve it. The sooner the better seeing as I have to give the actors their lines relatively soon, so they can study it over spring break
Scene begins with main character sitting in a chair at a desk with two auxiliary characters chatting in the background in low hushed voices, just loud enough to be irritating, but not loud enough to hear what they are saying.
Joe: Oi, quiet down back there, can’t you see we got an audience! Indicating Audience
Joe: Get up here you and help me out here!
Angel and Devil walk up to respective sides, and stand there until indicated
Joe: You know how everyone says that big decisions are aided by an angel and a devil, well, here you go...
Points to left hand side to indicate devil. Devil to appear sophisticated, yet menacing
Joe: That’s my little devil, and that’s my little Angel...
Points to right Hand side to indicate Angel. Angel to appear sweet and pretty
Joe: I’m just your average schmuck... Got a crappy desk job, and I’m bored out of my skull everyday. I work data entry, hey, it’s not much, but it’s a job. Well, it might not be much of a job after today. That all depends on what I do next.
Devil sneaks up behind him, speaking into his ear
Devil: Just have some fun, you won’t get in that much trouble, you just can’t let them catch you. It’s only illegal if you’re caught.
Angel: No, you can’t do that! it’ll haunt you the rest of your life, don’t let this one moment dictate the rest of your life. Don’t be consumed by temptation.
Devil: ah, shove off, Gently Pushes angel away let the boy have some fun, I mean, come on. You’re such a prude, you won’t let him do anything.
Angel: Well, maybe if you didn’t try and kill him through substance abuse with every suggestion, then he would actually listen to you. The last suggestion you gave him would have put him in the hospital with a coma.
Devil: Hey, dying from alcohol poisoning in the arms of two beautiful women sounds like the way to go for me. I mean, what guy wouldn’t want to go that way?
Joe: If I can just interrupt you--
Devil & Angel: NO!!!
Joe looks down dejectedly
Angel: The only problem that I have with your statement is the whole dying part. I mean, I’m fine with having a bit of fun, but you seem to take it to the excess, and that leads to problems
Devil: Fine, so... what do we do about this Indicating ground in front of joe I mean, we can’t leave the poor bastard here, we have to decide on something at the very least
Angel: well, you can’t kill him, but we’ve already been seen kidnapping the boss, and that’s never a good thing. You and your stupid rash actions got us in this mess. You figure out a solution.
Devil: Sing Song Voice Out the window it must go, it must go, it must go. Out the window it must go--
Angel: NOOO! Absolutely not! find a non-violent solution.
Devil: We’re already waist deep in this situation, we might as well go the whole nine yards.
Angel: Generally it’s best if you try not to be a menace to society
Devil: But, I won’t be!
Angel: Oh, and where does it end, one person, or twenty? You’re a menace!
Devil: It’s hard not to be, a menace to society, when half the population is happy on it’s knees
Joe: Hey, guys? he’s wriggling
Devil: So? Hit him over the head again. The adults are having a discussion here.
Angel: Fine, you can kill the poor bastard, he does kind of deserve it, after the hell he put us through these last few years. Just do it covertly.
Devil: Like I said, Out the window it must go! this time with a noose. Finish scene with Evil Laughter