He never imagined they would do this.
He took his money and hid in the back of the crowd as the once imprisoned prophet was led before them. He expected a miracle now. He expected the prophet's ties to the almighty one would save him. He expected that finally, he would have something worth believeing in, something truly all-powerful.
Even seeing people healed, who were going to grow old and die anyway, wasn't convincing. You could easily put on a show. Judas knew that. He did it every day.
Being a great actor meant that he didn't trust people completely. He knew how easily people could be false. How they coudl put on a show.
This spectacle of the prophet, bound, bleeding, looking calmly out at the masses was only the beginning of the show. He just knew it. It was the time for action! Time for something great!
But the people turned mean. Maybe after nothing happened, and seeing the great man so humbled, their view was changed. They chanted for his death!
Judas' eyes grew big. He hadn't meant for this! He watched helplessly, unable to undo what he had done. He felt horrible. he had learned one thing while following the prophet; people were just humans. They made bad choices, but underneath it all, they were only lost sheep.
These sheep had formed a deadly mob! They gave him the most gruesome death available! Judas could not stand to watch.
He began to cry.
He had not cried like this sincea babe and even then, not out of guilt. He did this, Judas! He caused a man to die! He had spent years with healers, and now he had taken a life! A life! Never had life seemed so precious to him. Never had it meant so much and so little.
What was he to do now? He was without friends, they all knew and shunned him. He was shunned from his family. He had no reason to live!
He took the money back to the priest. The only thing he could do now to make ammends was to erase this deed, wash his hands of it.
But the priest would have none of it! He was jovial, now that his congregation was back! His money was piled high on his desk, the tithe, to the church. He waved Judas away. No penance to be paid, no undoing what has been done.
Judas threw the money at him, tears streaming down. It was over now. There was nothing left to him. No forgiveness. Not from his family, friends, nor even himself. He was a dog. He was lower than swine. He tore his clothes.
There was no one to ask forgiveness of. The prophet, whom he had wronged, was dead. Judas' life was over.
So he did the only thing that made sense. He sacrificed himself.