It had been in January when I had guessed what was going on. It was mid-January when my guesses were made into a reality. My doctor had told me through tired eyes what I had been dreading for the previous weeks.
Dinner was quiet that night and the silence did not lift for a week, until dad had walked in on me vomiting all of my morning sausage and eggs into our bathroom sink. His resolve had ended then and he had held my hair while trying to console me.
He was the only one who knew, other than the doctor of course.
If I told my friends I would be made into an outcast. Tommy had his scholarship on the line and this recent piece of news would ruin his reputation and I couldn't bear to have him lose everything over my choices.
My mind was set; I wasn’t doubting my choices—at least not until the day before the accident.
"Thanks for coming with me dad." I had said quietly as he parked into the hospital visitors' parking lot.
"Of course pumpkin, you need someone there with you." He unbuckled his seatbelt and turned in his seat until he was facing me. "I want you to know, no matter what you decide, no matter what you do I will be here for you, understood?"
I smile and unbuckle myself from the car seat, "I know dad, don't get so dramatic, I'll be fine."
He ruffled my hair and got out of the car with me right behind him.
The waiting room had been full of patients waiting to see the doctor and my nerves had started to set in when my dad squeezed my hand beside me and I had stared at him frightfully.
"It's okay," he had read my mind, like always, that was my dad.
A woman in a long white coat walked out of the door to the examination room and called out, "Jenna Louise?"
"Yes," my father answered, knowing that I was temporarily mute, "Let's go pumpkin."
I got up holding his hand and walked through the door behind the doctor. I sat on the high examination table after changing into a hospital gown and stared at my patient father sitting on one of the visitor chairs in the room trying to find some reassurance, he gave it to me in the shape of a smile.
The doctor walked in and stared at her clipboard that had all of my medical history and spoke in a quiet voice that had an odd demanding nature to it. "Miss Louise, you are nearly two months along?"
My throat dries up and I remembered what my decision was. "Yes, I am six weeks along."
The doctor nodded and walked towards her machine preparing the equipment. "All right, I am just going to need you to lie down and then we will begin the examination."
I obliged and felt my nerves kicking in. I was going to make sure that I was healthy enough and then I would do what the most responsible thing was and take care of the situation. No one would be affected. The doctor placed an odd instrument on my stomach and I closed my eyes as I felt the coldness of the gel like substance that she spread over my flat stomach.
I was decided in my decision. I knew what I was going to do.
Until I heard it—the little, yet strong sound filled the room and my father stood up and held my hand. "Oh Jenna," he murmured and his voice echoed my thoughts.
My lips were paralyzed and my eyes started to tear.
In the car the silence was suffocating and I resigned to my emotions and desires. "Daddy," I murmured, like I used to when I was a little girl.
"I know." He said, reading my mind again, knowing what I really wanted.
"Don't tell mom, I will tell her." I felt tears unleashing themselves onto my cheeks. "I want it dad."
"I know pumpkin." he said, understanding without criticizing. "And you will be amazing." He looked at me and smiled. I smiled back like an idiot despite my wet face.
"It had a heart beat dad," I said astounded as I touched my stomach.
"It's a strong one in there; he's going to be a fighter like his mom."
I smiled and held my still flat stomach, wondering whether it was going to be a girl or a boy.