Locked up InsideMature


Singing.... When I was young, I never needed anyone, making love was just for fun, and those days are gone.


But I wasn't all by myself. Instead I was always with someone having the most memorable teenage encounters in my life with boys of course. How I love to watch American comedy and romantic films, like clueless, Lindsay loans and American pies. I also watched some porn’s secretly, buying pirates and entering foreign mature sites illegally just to observe how to become good with making love, so that my boyfriends would love me more. And so I did. I turned into "a porn star wanna be" indisguise disgusting! I was just a quiet simple young lady who looked innocent like Britney spears hit music video, oops! I did it again and Hit me baby one more time. I wasn't like Kylie mingle who worse nothing but underwear’s and thick eyelashes at 13.

I wasn't too hot or too cold. I was just at the right temperature. Experiencing the so called “flavorful taste of life". Maybe I was just too curious about everything that I make it to a point where I try to experience everything without having fears. I was so liberated and happy go lucky during my teen age times. Maybe that was the reason boys never took me seriously. But it was okay for me, coz I myself too I wasn't so serious.

 I always put in mind that boys and girls are equal. "What men can do, women can too".

But I was wrong. And the one and only reason why it isn't, is that girls get pregnant and boys doesn't. And so I had a child at the age of 15. I gave birth to a baby, held her in my arms and cradled her to sleep. But the boy who got me pregnant? He was never there. It was not his fault actually. He did knew I got pregnant, he told me that he will support me, but I never told him that the child was his, but instead I told him I had an affair with another man. He insisted it was his, but I kept on telling him no, sorry but it's not. And that was the last time we had talked. I never saw him after. Why I did that? I did that to protect him without protecting myself. He was my one and only serious love. My parents were too strict, I was so afraid he might get killed. So I put the blame on another man. He was older than I was, definitely just at the perfect age to take care of a child. He was my best friend. We did it just once, no! But just a few more times not more than 8.

But I know that the child was my boyfriend's and not my best friend’s. I pointed out it belongs to my best friend because for me, he is more capable of being a father to a child because he has the best manners that I've never seen in other men, and he is also capable of giving financial and basic needs of a child. But I was wrong. I never knew he was already married. So I turned out being a mistress. After that, he didn't claim the child his but he actually thought it was his. But he was already married. And I was shocked after I found out that. So when my parents blamed him and told me he needs to pay for what he did, it turned out as karma for me, instead of him being imprisoned for Bigamy. He knew me so well, He was my best friend, and he knew I took drugs. So I was the one who turned out a "juvenile delinquent" inside a home institution, yes! I took drugs, but I never was an addict. I just tried some of those, you may call it drugs, but I never was an addict who lost her brain. I just did it out of peer pressure, doing anything just to belong to a group of cool people.

"Deceiving people, bluffing with deception, misleading another through intentionally false statements and fraudulent actions". Etc...

Yes! I knew I was wrong, I chose the wrong friends who love to party hard and run away from homes. I regret those days, but if I didn't experience those, then my life wouldn't sound fun. Inside the "bat cave" or "dirty start", we call the institution that, because they promised to give us a healthy start for us addicts. But for us, it's more of a "hell-thy” start. There I found some friends who are still my friends today. We shared painful memories there as teenagers jailed in a jailhouse rock doing everything to get out, trying to escape, ended up being tied like a person inside a mental institution placed in an isolated room of window bars like cages and jails for 10 days if you misbehaved. So we gave up of escaping but instead just accepted the fact that we were "LOCKED UP INSIDE" and wait for the day when our parents will get us out, luckily if our psychologists tell our parents that we were in progress and have changed. And so I prayed. But as a person who has too much anger inside....

 "I always knew that my parents were too stupid to let the doctors control their minds by giving them false information’s about our recovery, simply because it's their jobs and it's for the growth of their business, maybe. And if we weren't there, they will have no money to collect from our parents who were like cowards, afraid to face their growing children becoming "aggressive" because they weren't being guided properly".

Some parents were just over reacting to send their children to certain institutions for it is their responsibility to nurture their child and not to pass them on to other people whom they thought were the authorized people to treat their child curing one's behavior with science. But in reality, it was as if during their teen age years, they never have sinned and got lost also. But I forgive my parents. Because if my life wasn't like this then my life would be so plain and I wouldn't have known the true meaning of life. 

So while inside we kept on praying to God, to help us. To make us calm while inside and to touch our parents' hearts so that soon they'll take us home, but it took us years to get out. No matter how many times, we tried to pray, believe,  hope and start to havefaith in God again, we learned how to become "patient patients" undergoing recovery. We learned to be happy out of the situation we were in and keep on praying till the day came, when we went out of that place, finally free! There comes MY SECOND CHANCE in life.

"These are the reasons truly why "Parental Guidance" and "Praying" is a must”.

The End

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