Eyes Wide OpenMature



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 The truth


 What will you do,  if you  were given  several times of second chances but you keep on doing the same mistakes all over again until God appears in your dreams at night telling you that there's still hope for you?

 One morning, when I woke up, my phone kept ringing, I answered the call, but I hardly heard the one on the line. I was still laying down on bed, thinking that I was still in my dream. That time I dreamt about a naked man covered with white cloth, but I can't see his face because of the bright rays of the sun and the gentle breeze of the wind.

I knew that He was JESUS, because it was a scene like when he died and rose again. He was standing at the highest level of the stairways going to heaven and I was struggling going down the stairs, because I'm not yet ready to go. I was thinking that I should walk down for that might be the way to go back to earth, but someone whispered in my ear saying, "Do not be afraid to go back to the light and never again return in the shadows". Then I felt like floating on air, without my feet touching the surface of the ground, with my heart beating with a rhythm of being calmed, felt the release of all the burdens trapped inside me and I was getting nearer Jesus, with His hands straightened forward, reaching out for me, wanting me to hold His hands, that He's been lending me, offering me several times, then he hugged me tight, he IS the son of God, my brother and I was  like a child lost in a place, not knowing where to go.

But with love, He guided me towards the right path which I must choose to walk by. Then after that, I felt sudden warmth of hope and a feeling of peacefulness at that once in a lifetime moment. But I knew I was just dreaming, and sooner I'll wake up again for it wasn't my time yet and I still have to accomplish a certain task that God has given me which I still do not know and sooner for me to find out.  It felt so REAL but I knew I was just dreaming. Then I thought about my son, where he could be while I’m still in a dream, maybe he was also dreaming inside his own dream somewhere. And so, my outer senses finally came back to me and I found myself inside the room where I was sleeping beside my son still asleep.

Who am I actually? That was always a question in my brain that gives me headaches. Who am I? What's my purpose for living? And why is my life like this? Well my name is "Eve Adams", and according to the bible my name is the name of the first woman on earth made by God. As we all know what Eve actually did according to Genesis in the history of Christianity. "Eve is the first human being made by God who committed a sin, by tempting Adam to bite from her poisoned apple." You may take that literally, as taking a bite from her apple in reality, maybe to feed her hunger for food, or you may also think of it as a naked woman with needs, who teased Adam, to bite her apple to feed her hunger for flesh. 

But no! Seriously, Who am I?  Sometimes I feel that there is something hidden inside of me that needs to come out and people to know. I know that there is a certain purpose in me that God has planned and I just do not know how, when and why the hell, I must fulfill whatever that insanity of mine may be. Until now I'm still wondering, what could that be? 

Ever since I was a child I used to imagine extra ordinary things, and one of those imagination circling inside my mind is a silly question... Could I be some sort of angel fallen from the sky because I wasn't welcome in Heaven anymore and I fell down to become one of the demons instead? Full of questions asking, a child, lost from her own thoughts and wild imaginations until now? I remember when I was 7 yrs. old; my mom gave me a jasmine diary of The Aladdin. And I used to imagine myself, riding in a magic carpet ride one day to meet my prince charming. And so, that was the first day, I started to write on my diary, as if I'm talking to a paper and pen is my only friend who would understand me for I don't want others to think of me as a child who is losing her sanity.

But I tell you, I just really have huge imaginations inside my head, circling and circling, going to places I do not know where and how I got there. Maybe because I was a child who never was given too much attention, because I was different from the actual normal child who loves to play, but me? I love to write in my diary, as if that is a certain kind of time travelling notebook I open and write on, to escape the conscious mind of mine in the real world of black and grays, and go to a place, somewhere colorful and happy. 

I wasn't actually a loner child. I actually have brothers and sisters and I do have some couple of friends, almost boys and few girls. That's when people think of me as either one of the boys, or a playgirl. But no, I am not one of the boys, though I used to like the same age as mine with the same genders. But no, I'm not a lesbian, even if I also like girls. I totally am a girl, for I love to wear dresses and make cute faces with boys.

 And I remember having a boyfriend at the age of 9. He was just a plain ordinary boy who goes to school where I also go. He was my classmate and partner in dance classes when I was young. I remember one time, he gave me a piece of red rose and kneeled down to me at the stage where we were practicing a dance, but I never really liked him, for me it was like a puppy love where two young puppies cuddle to feel some comfort with each other but the female puppy found herself running away from the other puppy. How cute and odd. I was too young to have those kinds of thoughts not until I reached adolescence. And that was the start of my adventures in life. “The adolescent stage of my curious teen age years" that will surely make your EYES WIDE OPEN more to read...


The End

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