Diary Day One

Day One: Raine

Boys are so confusing! One minute they’re kissing you like crazy and the next they’re telling you stop it. Ugh! I mean in a way I guess it’s a good thing that we didn’t do it, because it will be more special later but still ugh! It would have been perfect! Nighttime on the beach, perfect! I’m not sure what place could be better than that. But then again, being with him period is perfect enough.

He makes all my problems go away. When I with him, all I can think is Dalton who? Dalton doesn’t exist when there’s a Raine.

One week later…

“Seriously Macy?” Ellie sat, shaking her head. “A whole week and that’s all you’ve got?”

Macy couldn’t hold back a chuckle and simply shrugged her shoulders.

“I thought you were excited about writing. I thought you were really going to do this. I thought you’d take it seriously! But I guess I was wrong.” Ellie’s voice rose slightly, sweeping the smile from Macy’s face.

“Look, you’re expecting too much from me,” she countered. “I’m happy right now. With Raine. I don’t wanna go back and relive the past because then I’ll be sad again.”

“But see, that’s what scares me. What if something bad happens with Raine? Then you’ll be sad again. Your happiness and sadness depends on who you’re with, in the moment. Just because things are good with Raine right now, which doesn’t seem permanent, doesn’t mean they’ll always be good. You need to relive the past so you can actually let go of it. Pushing it away and hiding behind fake happiness now won’t solve anything.”

Macy’s teeth clenched together hard. She said each word slowly. “I’m not hiding behind anything. I’m happy now.”

After leaning forward for so long, Ellie sat back in her chair and stared intently at Macy. “If you’re so happy, why are you so defensive? So quickly? If you’re so happy, how come you haven’t told me all the details about Dalton?”

“Why should I have to? Why can’t you just believe me?!”

“Because years ago, I was sitting right where you are now. And I convinced myself that I was happy and fine when I knew I really wasn’t. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did. I want you to be better than me.”

“That’s not possible…” Macy’s voice was a whisper. “I can’t tell you all that … I … I can’t tell you what he did.”

“These words might not make you feel better, but I’ll say them anyway. Now I know you went through a horrible ordeal, but you weren’t raped.” Ellie’s voice was just as low as Macy’s, ominous even. “You didn’t love someone and then have them hurt you so deeply, hurt you in a way where you could never forgive them. This boy is someone you’ll never have to see again—”

“We live in the same town,” Macy interrupted.

“Even so, he’s not a normal face you’ll encounter day to day. You can cleanse yourself of everything that happened and just move on.” Ellie had leaned forward again and sat back, giving Macy a chance to respond.

Finally, she did. “Okay ... I'll ... I’ll tell you … but I can’t write it.”

Ellie nodded. “Thank you. Tomorrow. You can go.”

Macy left without another word, running for the bathroom. Her life was like a rollercoaster, filled with high days and low days. Which there was of more she wasn’t sure. Either way, she knew she had to pull it together before getting into the car with Raine. She rinsed off her make-up and applied more fresh. Taking a deep breath, she left the bathroom and the building, walking into the sunshine to find Raine.

He was seated in his car, sipping from a Starbucks cup with a book in his hand. Macy hopped in without a word and took a sip from the cup with her name on it placed in the center console. “Your favorite,” Raine said with a smile and Macy simply nodded in appreciation. He marked a page in his book and turned to look squarely at her. “You okay?” She nodded again, not removing her lips from the straw. “If you needed some sugar, should have gone for these lips,” he joked while puckering up.

She pushed his shoulder playfully, laughing only a little before chugging more of her drink.

“But seriously, what’s going on?” The smile faded from his face as he stared harder.

“Nothing. I … I just wanna go home.”

“Okay.” He put down his drink and book, started the car and pulled away from the curb quickly.

The End

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