“Instead of hiding from your fears, I think it’s time to face them head on.” Ellie declared the following afternoon after her normal speech as Macy glared at her, already annoyed.
“I have faced them head on. I’ve told you, haven’t I?”
“Yes but you’ve managed to keep names out of everything. I worry not addressing these people as real people will only make things worse. Like you’re separating yourself from your own story.” Macy bit her lip, not answering. Enough time passed for her to say something, which she didn’t and finally Ellie continued. “For instance, you’ve never even told me who the boy who waits for you is.”
“That’s easy. That’s my boyfriend, Raine.”
“Right well, let’s get past the easy and skip to the hard. Who is the boy who—“
But Macy cut her off. “Don’t. Don’t say it.”
Ellie put up her hands as if proving a point. “Not allowing me to say the word about what has happened makes it very clear you haven’t accepted it yet.”
“But I have,” Macy argued, although Ellie kept talking as if she hadn’t heard her.
“You’re got to accept your problem before you can get over. So, what’s his name?”
Macy’s teeth clenched. “His name is Dalton.”
And Ellie nodded. “Right. Well would you like to be done for the day?” But Macy shook her head, claiming she was fine—a big mistake. Ellie smiled encouragingly, “Alright, maybe we should go over your progress. You’ve explained what happened, and you’ve told me his name … but then again … you haven’t told me yet how all this has made you feel.”
There was a long pause as they stared each other down. She was pushing it. Macy wasn’t willing to go that far. She simply pulled her knees up to her chest and continued to stare at Ellie, making it clear she wasn’t answering.
“Macy, come on. Talk to me.”
“Now I think we’re done for the day. See you next week,” she replied in her calmest voice before picking up her bag and walking toward the door.
“We’ll have to talk about this eventually,” Ellie called after her.
“Yeah well, not today.” Her composure broke as she opened the door and couldn’t help but slam it behind her.
Raine got up quickly. “What’s wrong?”
But Macy just smiled at him. “Nothing, nothing.”
“Are you sure?” She nodded and he gradually smiled back. “Well, do you wanna go to lunch?”
“Could you just take me home instead?”
His smile dimmed. “Sure.” Minutes later they were weaving through the streets of town on his motorcycle. He reached her house within ten minutes and stopped his bike in the driveway. “Same time tomorrow?”
But Macy shook her head. “No, I’m skipping tomorrow. But we could hang out if you want to…”
Raine glanced at her for a moment, wondering if he should even ask why she randomly wanted to skip her session tomorrow but he didn’t. Instead saying, “Sure, I’ll come over around two.” He kissed her lips sweetly before riding away.
Nightmares plagued Macy into the late hours of the night and early hours of the day. And she was angry. For over a month now, she had been doing so well. She was talking to Ellie, explaining her story. She was a very happy couple with Raine, her and Brandon were back to the power brother sister team and she was even speaking to her mother more.
But Ellie’s question today had broken her. She had slyly avoided how all this made her feel, knowing she’d have to talk about it eventually but still not being ready. She tossed and turned all night, getting absolutely no sleep at all but instead tormenting herself with thoughts of everything that had happened. To explain how the Dalton thing had made her feel would mean knocking down every single wall of defense she had put up to protect not only herself but more so her heart and her pride. And she just knew she couldn’t do that.
But she also knew she would have to.