Well, here it is, friends. After many weeks of anticipation; Jack Magic chapter two! I was just going to leave the story finished after chapter one due to a severe lack in REVIEWS, but luckily for you ungrateful bastards, I have integrity as a fanfiction virtuoso, but this is the LAST TIME I WILL WRITE A CHAPTER WITHOUT AT LEAST 60 REVIEWS. So remember to hit those like, favorite, and subscribe buttons. Now, enough of my panhandling, let's get onto… chapter two!
Jack rose to his feet, stunned, but he could see through the smoke that they were on a crash course for Dead Wizard Canyon.
Chapter 2 (of Jack Magic)
"It's a good thing those wraiths sacrificed themselves to stop the train before anyone got hurt!" Jack said with his hands on his hips. "Their sacrifice will not be forgotten."
"And it's a good thing nobody got hurt!" a nearby professor chimed in.
"Yes," Jack said, "I don't know what I would do if any of my friends had been hurt in that horrible attack!"
The train slowly pulled into The School's station allowing Jack and company to leave the miserable ride after an unusually long journey. Many of the students and staff were still attempting to recover from the hellish nightmare of the Humanzee attack, but seeing Jack meekly step forward and rise to the challenge reminded them all of the good that was still in the world. One student remarked to a teacher that perhaps Jack was a bit of a showoff and was promptly beaten and expelled, while a group of red trims all gossiped about how humble Jack was while saving everyone's life.
Jack sashayed through the crowd and stepped into his wizard speedboat, shaking his head in amusement at the praise all the while. Upon seeing Jack courageously step into the speedboat the crowd of students let out a collective swoon, which was enough to calm the student and faculty bodies. While the other students stepped into wooden rowboats or horseless carriages (with the exception of one group of undesirables who were forced to walk through the Scary Woods) Jack and his green trim entourage were revving the engine of Jack's private wizard speedboat. With a roar they blasted across the enchanted lake, Jack at the wheel, inexplicably shirtless. The engine was so loud that those aboard almost couldn't hear the cheers of awe and adoration coming from the shores of The School. The building looked as breathtaking as Jack had remembered it. Scorpius however did not share the same opinion.
"As much of a trash heap as this place is, you'd think that we were seeing the concealing spell." When they arrived at Jack's private dock Scorpius and the rest of the upperclassmen headed off to their respective houses, but jack made a b-line for the main hall. Scorpius rolled his eyes and continued on.
The Headmaster was given notice that Jack was on his way and mumbled something unintelligible at the cranky old janitor who, upon Jack's insistence, had been renamed Dildo. Dildo grumbled a series of complaints as he began to roll out the red carpet. Literally. The School had cast an enchantment on an ordinary strip of red carpet, and it began rolling itself out in the direction of Jack, swerving to avoid lesser students.
The new batch of first year students had already heard rumors of Jack, "The Boy who Rocked". They stared awkwardly, not sure what to make of him. At the head of the room the Headmaster loomed, along with the rest of the professors as well as a less than amused Deciding Hat. Like it was a dance he had been rehearsing his entire life, Jack glided down the main hall. One first year mustered the courage to reach out and touch him. When her hand made contact with his silky robe, she was instantly and inexplicably infused with some of Jack's infinitely expanding magical effervescence. She, too, became "Magic". The Headmaster placed a gigantic hand on an enormous hip and shot Jack a disapproving look.
"Ye can't keep turning the students inta super-mages, Jack. We just gat done graduatin the last six!" he said as Jack approached the Deciding Hat.
"She just went for me," Jack said. "I-"
The Headmaster raised a meaty hand to quiet him."I know Jack, I know," he said with a chuckle. He could never stay mad at Jack for long.
The handsome, young wizard looked kindly at his school teachers, the ones he had come to love over the years. On the far left stood Snap, the professor of Defending against Dim Magics. He glared at Jack through his long, greasy black hair.
"Jack… Magic…" he said in his low monotone voice. "Delighted to see you again."
To anyone else this would have been stinging sarcasm, but to Jack it came directly from Snap's heart. Jack beamed back at Snap. He then turned to Professor Mcgee
"Tell me, why does our star student insist on going through this ritual EVERY year?" she asked frigidly, but not without an underlying air of warmth.
"You know me, Professor Mcgee," Jack said, a cocky grin plastered across his face.
Mcgee made an expression that could only be compared to that of a mother in an after school special seeing that one of her children had just learned an important life lesson.
"But, please, Jack, you know my name is Professor Mcgona-"
"AHEM!" The Headmaster cut her off quickly. "I know yer all very excited to be startin' off the year…" the half-giant ex-groundkeeper said, "so, without further deliberatin', let's get down ta business! Jack, if ya'd be so kind." The Headmaster shoved Jack forward directly in front of the deciding hat. Like Arthur readying himself to pull Excalibur from a stone, Jack picked up the old, raggedy hat.
"Urgggh…"The old hat grumbled, weary and unwilling to continue the façade. Jack lifted the hat high into the air, much like Rafiki lifted Simba in his favorite movie, The Lion King. In his mind, Elton John's voice sang out "The Circle of Life" in an angelic chorus as he crowned himself with the ancient hat.
"Yellow trim, for fuck's sake!" the hat said before it had even touched Jack's hair.
After an awkward pause, somewhere far in the back of the room a young wizard stood up and began slowly clapping. Everyone else turned to him, wondering what was going on. The room, it seemed, began to understand and joined in. Soon, hundreds of people were standing and clapping, cheering Jack at the top of their lungs. Jack didn't know what to say; he was breathless. A single tear ran down his cheek as he mouthed the words, "Thank you."
After a hearty and nutritious meal the now full wizard ambled his way back to the yellow trim common room. Carrying with him a trophy for winning at being sorted he tiredly shuffled his way down the long, airy halls of The School. He began to fantasize of the many witches he would "shack up with" in the girl's dormitory. Unlike other male students, Jack was not required to, and was rather encouraged to, not stay in the boy's dormitory. According to the office of student relations, morale among the female populace was raised by 200% when Jack, "The Boy who Lasted" started attending.
He was almost to the kitchen where his private entrance into the dormitories was located when he heard a ruckus somewhere off in the distance. Sensing danger, and being the sole protector of The School, Jack dramatically dropped his trophy and produced his mahogany, Mach II Magnum Caliber Wand. The heavy trophy with a gold-plated version of him holding the Deciding Hat smashed to the ground with a thud and broke in two. Nothing a spell from one of my many female cohorts can't fix. he thought, hurrying down the hall in the direction of his latest misadventure.
Ready to kill, Jack realized that he might need a bit of backup. In a flash he pulled out his Wizard Cellphone™ and pressed a button that looked identical to Professor Snap's somber face. Snap, having just gotten back from a staring match with the house pet, Basil the Basilisk, was lying in bed fully clothed in his long black robes. His Wizard Cellphone™ began to chirp "Wannabe" by his favorite band, The Spice Girls. He reluctantly answered. "Who would dare disturb me at this hour…" Upon hearing Jack's voice he bolted up. "You need no more explanation, Magic. Where are you?!"
As Jack heroically jogged down the maze-like halls, Snap appeared in a puff of oily black smoke at an intersection. After exchanging a firm handshake the two bolted down the hall, shoulder to shoulder towards the ominous noise, which sounded almost like a thousand sheep bleating in unison.
When they arrived at the source of the noise they saw something neither of them were prepared to face; the pitiful sight of James, Lily and Albus. The siblings were collected in a hopeless quagmire of misery and failure. The two older siblings gazed in slack-jawed idiocy at a swirling black vortex, consuming a four way intersection and growing with alarming rapidity. Albus, the youngest, was on the floor mewling as his body had been deformed and twisted into something inhuman. Where there was once a hand a large flipper lazily slapped the floor, while his face slowly melted onto the marble floors of The School. Jack once looked upon Albus with pity, but that was quickly replaced with mixed feelings of disgust and disappointment. Luckily, Jack's presence was enough to pull James out of his trance, and upon regaining consciousness he fell back on his primal instincts and began running towards Jack. Through James' sobs Jack was able to ascertain that the trio had attempted to cast a spell to siphon Jack's "Awesomeittude" to the three of them.
"You FOOLS!" Jack said, gritting his teeth and shaking the blathering idiot once known as James. "Don't you know?! It's a fundamental law of magic that you can't hurt me!"
Desperately James looked at Snap hoping to hear that it wasn't true.
"He's right," Snap said in a monotone rasp. "In all of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Jack is a constant in the universe. No force can negatively affect him."
James let out a whimper as the last of what was left of his sanity was drained from him. He then fell to the ground and twitched and flopped like a Belgian Dragonfish after being harpooned.
"That vortex, Jack…" Snap said, ignoring the imbecile floundering around on the floor. "It's going to consume the whole School!"
"I've got to do something," said Jack. "Where stupidity triumphs, intelligence can never flourish!"
"But how!?" said Snap. The wry wizard shot back a sly grin.
"Have you ever hear of fighting fire with…fire?" Snap looked at Jack, obviously confused. "We're going to need…the Room of Everything. And right now…" He pointed at the rapidly growing vortex, "I need a black hole!"
"But…" Snap said. "We already HAVE a black hole!"
"You'll see!" Jack assured the hapless professor. Normally the Room of Everything would be located on the seventh floor, but for Jack, it decided to appear a little bit closer. Jack and Snap felt the floor below them quiver. The polished tile slowly started falling away beneath them as another vortex began to form. As Snap and Jack started being pulled into the black hole, Jack used his lightning fast Wizard Wit and shouted, "Laetetur et volant calceamentis!", and enchanted the air around them, allowing the wizards to walk their way back to solid ground. James, Lily, and Albus, however, weren't quite as quick witted and plummeted into the gaping maw. Albus' squealing as his body was crushed between two black holes would haunt Snap to his dying day.
The vortex the deranged siblings had created seemed to sense The Danger and began fighting, trying desperately to escape Jack's wrath personified as a black hole. It roared as if it were living, letting out a massive bellow which seemed to shake the entire School with bestial ferocity. Jack and Snap knew that they needed to help the Room of Everything's black hole along. They both shot out a volley of knock-back jinxes at the vortex, weakening its hold upon our world. With a final roar the vortex ceded victory to Jack and fell into the black hole Jack had summoned. The force the two voids exerted as they crashed together was like that of a thousand tornadoes crossbred with a thousand earthquakes, which blew Jack and Snap back into a vacant classroom. Luckily Jack landed on a pile of unused magical chaos theory textbooks while Snap landed on The Headmaster's collection of exotic animal droppings. They got up in time to see the vortex crashing into the floor. A great and terrible "Thum!" exploded through the school when the vortex finally blinked outside of existence.
Covered in scars and more attractive than ever with his hair dramatically whipped across his face and his skin-tight robes torn in all the right places, Jack heroically limped his way back to the dormitory. With broken trophy in hand he told Snap that he wouldn't need anything else and excused him. Snap nodded and disappeared in a puff of smoke. He didn't say anything but Jack could tell Snap believed him to be the greatest wizard of all time, and that was all the thanks Jack needed. After a deep breath and inserting his special wizard earplugs he entered the girl's dormitory to a deafening screech of joy. As he entered he was greeted with a shower of kisses and marriage proposals. Going through witches like underwear he was EVENTUALLY ready for bed, three hours before classes were scheduled to begin.
End of Chapter 2
Thank you very much for reading, my loyal Jack Magic fanbase! You have no idea how much I appreciate all of the support I get from you all. If you have any input on where the story should go from here feel free to tell me so in a review. Thanks for reading, and see you next time!