Well, that may be true, but my death started during P.E. class... no, scratch that. I suppose it started last Saturday, when a couple of my friends and I went to see the latest Western. Who would have known?
It was a pretty cliched flick, with its only upside being the fact that its star was smoking hot. So here Molly and I were, drooling after the cowboy-hat-toting eye candy, while Ray and Makayla made out a row behind us. It was a pretty normal day, I guess, until Hot Stuff began pulling on his cowboy boots for a good old-fashioned shoot-out. Suddenly, his face contorted in pain (Molly and I let out a dreamy sigh in tandem) and he dropped the boot he was holding. Soon, the problem became clear--an ominous rattle, then a foot-long snake slithered out of the boot, baring its fangs. It was a cliched way for Sexy-Beast to die, but at least he got to kill the bad guy too, hitting him with one shot. As our intrepid hero took his last breath, the credits started rolling, and Ray and Makayla parted, most likely wondering at exactly which point the movie had begun.
So, that's how it all started.
Which leads into P.E. class. Like most high-school juniors, we were less interested in playing a rousing game of beach volleyball (minus the upsides, like, say, the sea) than in laying down and playing in the sand while getting caught up in the latest gossip. Either way, though, this meant that our shoes ended up sitting on the edge of the sandbox/volleyball court, right next to what I've now flagged as "the pole of death." It was an average poll, sitting a few inches away from the adjacent road where frat boys liked to drive by to see if the volleyball players really were in bikinis. I don't even remember what it was a pole for--telephone pole, leftover from when they were putting up the volleyball nets, random useless pole...? Was it even a pole at all?
But I digress.
Anyways, once the coach decided we looked like we had been exercising (as we had learned through the years, he didn't have much talent at judging these things), he blew his whistle lazily and announced that we needed to put our shoes back on.
So we did.
And as I retrieved my brand new sneakers, I noticed an earthworm making its way through the uncut grass. And worm made me think snake. And all of the sudden I had a flashback to that Saturday, when Hot Stuff had perished thanks to that rattlesnake. And call me paranoid, but I just had to check to see if, by any chance, there was anything hiding in my shoe. So I reached in.
Lucky I did. Well, it would have been lucky.
As I shoved my hand up to the toe, I felt something tickling my middle finger. I stopped and waited a moment. There it came again. Suddenly panicky, I pulled my hand out. And out with it came a spider. And not just any spider. This spider was huge. This was a freaking demon spider!
So, what could I do? I could scream bloody murder.
And so I did.
I had only been that terrified once before, in an oddly similar case. I had only been nine, and was inspecting an odd cocoon that had made its home in my front yard. I was thinking, Oh, maybe it'll be a pretty butterfly! and wanting to see it, I had taken a stick and poked it.
And poked it. And poked it.
The resident of the cocoon came out, but it wasn't a butterfly. It was a spider. And not just any spider. This spider was huge. This was a freaking demon spider!
So what could I do? I could scream bloody murder.
And so I did. But while I was doing so, I started running. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I was finished screaming, but then, I realized that I was in the middle of the road. And a car was coming straight for me. I can still remember the driver's panicked face.
So I screamed again. And I ran again. That time it worked out better than this time.
Because this time, after backing up against the pole of death, I was still screaming, and when I saw another spider, a freaking demon spider just like the other two I had encountered, standing nonchalantly on the pole of death, I screamed even louder. And I ran even faster. And I thought Molly's terrified face that I caught a glimpse of was just because of the spiders.
It all happened in milliseconds, and even now I'm not entirely sure what happened. But all of a sudden there was someone staring at me from the road, and I was automatically thinking, Take a picture! It'll last longer! despite the fact that any normal person would be staring at the screaming high schooler running blindly. The thing was, their eyes were so obnoxious! They were so bright, and huge, and they seemed to be getting closer by the second and... were those frat boys sitting right above them? Why would frat boys be... Oh.
And then it hit me. Literally and figuratively.
And that's how it all started.