Heavy, full on, deep, strong. It's completely unendorsed, without barriers or stop signs. It's the mad kind of crazy love that makes you think of silly things, it's the kind of love that makes you understand the whole concept of the weak at the knees saying. It's the kind of love that grabs you and you suddenly get tunnel vision, warning signs are suddenly all blank and peoples advice is useless. It's the love that flips your stomach over three times before you can even think about calming yourself down. It's the kind of love where you are so ideal together and so perfect together that sometimes little things that wouldn't usually matter become annoying because you expect better from someone you hold so highly. It's the kind of love that rapes your imagination and forces you into erratic mood swings. It is the kind of love that slaps you a few times around the face and just when your getting comfortable. It's the kind of love that when you think about it, actually makes you quite uncomfortable because you have never felt anything quite like it before.
Even thinking of the words that you say to me makes my stomach flip and gives me a quiver from my heart to the pit of my stomach to in between my thighs where it finishes with a bang.
I'm no princess.
I kiss random people on nights out, not when I'm with you, obviously, just strangers when I'm with friends, I flirt with people to get free things all the time. I still talk to every single one of my ex boyfriends on at least a monthly, bi-monthly basis, just to make myself feel good. I like seeing them with people I feel are worse than me.
I'm no model.
But I'm happy enough to accept my body and enjoy it while I'm young. I'm happy enough to play with it and share it with as many people who want to see it.
I'm no slag.
But I enjoy sex. I like the feeling of being wanted and I enjoy making myself happy, and I am selfish and I am a bit of a "Go-Getter" without making me a tart, I'm not a sexual predator but I love deconstructing the "norm" attitude.
I like it when you hold me.
I'm happy you told me you love me.
I'm not sure it's what I want yet?
Does that make me a bitch?
I want a house and a family with you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Forever never seems that far away when I say it and I see the "deer in the headlights" look in your eyes it makes me think, is this what I want? Your doubt makes me doubt myself as a woman, not a person not a lover, just a woman.
But you always seem to make your firghtened attitude cute, and adorable and I just want to care for you and be with you for even longer and take care of you. I want to hold you when you cry and I want to warm you up when your cold, I want to play with your hair when your sleepy. I want you.
I guess I should explain...
My name is Adele and I am in love with someone I know doesn't love me back.
My life, has been a variety of unsucessful boyfriends.
There was Paulo, my holiday romance. I don't care what my friends say I was in love.
There was Jacob, lovely man. Horrid mother.
There was two-time divorcee Craig.
There was very very rich Miles.
And of course there was the american who made me swoon, Hunter.
Then there was Gareth, who unfortunatley joined the army, but I was deeply in love, in fact I was deeply in love with all the men listed above.
After Gareth, there was a string of men who were all too young for me, each relationship ending the same way, but all of them varying in length. Elliot-nine months, Curtis-two months, Julian-six months, Rafal-four months, Nathan-three weeks. and Dillan-one year three months ,but I was in love with them all regardless.
And currently there is an older man, Laurence, who is adorable, but is scared of being in love, which doesn't really work well in my favour.I fall in love to easily, apparently, I don't really agree with that statement. But it has been said. What people don't seem to understand about my 13loves is that each time I do fall in love it hits me harder and hurts ten times more when they say goodbye.
Not that they ever say goodbye, perhaps I should explain my other conundrum, I have never been dumped. I leave men I am in love with to save myself humiliation, I see it coming a mile off, men are terrible at it. And I strut out of the relationship pretending I don't give a damn, I do obviously. I am insanley in love with them and to leave them justifies me buying a new phone, having my hair and nails re-done and usually spending a weekend in London, Dorset or somewhere I feel is equally as fabulous.
Men seem to think I'm one of those typical crazy women who want to be with someone a week and then get married, I'm not that ridiculous. I have a 2 year limit, that isn't that crazy. Come on, after two years and you have no engagement ring, it really isnt worth thinking about. I have four engagement rings. I loved them all, but they were never the right ring, so they obviously didn't care about my feelings that much.
I've been told to write this story for my therapist, as she doesnt have time to see me for the next 3 weeks and wants a complete overview of my life, as I have been having panic attacks at work recently as Laurence and I have been together a year and nine months and there is still no real sign of commitment from him.
So here I go, from my first ever serious boyfriend; Paulo.