And it started.Mature

It all started that night. The night I won't ever be able to forget. The night that everything changed. Yes, one of the best nights of my life. 
I lay on my bed waiting for his text. Damn, I really like him, I thought. I still remembered the first time I saw him. Yellow shirt, blue trousers, hair falling on his forehead. I was in the corridor walking towards my class, with my friends when I saw his beautiful face. Yes, beautiful. I liked to call him that. It perfectly described him. I never said that to him though, just kept it to myself. His hazel eyes met my eyes, and I guess, that's exactly when I fell for him. I looked away, suddenly feeling paranoid. I did not want him to think of me as some desperate creep. Why was that, I failed to understand at that moment. I thought about him the whole day and could not stop wondering if he had a girlfriend. Pshht, girlfriends. Wrong, I know, but he did look like a playboy, after all. How could such a hot person, like him, just not, not be a playboy? And somewhere deep in my mind I could not stop wondering if I had a chance with him or not... 
Just when I was living that moment again, my phone beeped. I loved talking to this guy. I was finally going to tell him today that I loved him. I was nervous, very nervous, probably more nervous than I had ever been in my life up till this point. I knew it would make him happy, but what I did the last time I told him I loved him, was pathetic. It made me sad and I hated myself for that. I, clearly, had no right to hurt someone like that. Another flashback popped up in my mind. 
"I can't do this anymore, I think we should just be friends again." I messaged Sam. "Why did you do this to me?" He replied. "I'm sorry, really sorry, but I just don't want to ruin our friendship." And with that, I went offline. I knew I had hurt him, but I just didn't like him in that way. I felt something for Zack. I couldn't do this to both of them. Zack had been telling me that he loved me from the past week. I didn't want him to wait anymore. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to let him know that I loved him. I texted Zack and then when he told me that he loved me, I told him I loved him too. Gosh, I didn't expect him to be that happy. It melted me. I never thought someone could actually be that happy by just knowing that I loved them. I was not used to that. I was used to getting hatred, being abused, being bullied all the time. This was new and I liked it. He told me he loved me again and again and again. All this made me happy. I had put Sam at the back of my mind till I suddenly realized what I had done to him. I didn't like hurting people. I felt bad even when I accidentally hurt a stranger and well, Sam, he was my best friend. The reason I had yes to him on the first place was because I didn't want to hurt him. I never felt anything for him. He was my best friend, that's all. And now all this was killing me. 
I went online and checked my inbox. As I expected, there was a message from Sam. "Three words, eight letters, one regret- I love you." This broke me. I had just hurt my best friend so badly. I sucked. I wasn't a good person. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve Zack. U didn't deserve anyone. I had to fix this as soon as possible. I had to stop thinking about my feelings. With tears in my eyes, I told Sam that I wasn't going anywhere and I loved him too. It was a lie but I had no other choice. I couldn't see anyone hurt. I knew what this meant, though. I knew I had to tell Zack that I couldn't be with him. This was even harder than telling Sam to be just friends. I rushed to my room and took out a blade from my bag. I couldn't take this pain. It hurt way too much. I was a bitch. I started cutting my arm. It didn't take away the pain but it did temporarily take my mind of it. 
Another beep on my phone and I came back from the past. I realized that I hadn't replied to Zack since the past ten minutes. Shit, he'd be upset but I knew exactly how to make him happy today. The thought made me smile.
"You never call me, why?" I texted him, excitedly. Exactly two minutes later, he replied: "You've never asked me to call you." WHAT? Seriously? He could've said something sweet. Well, maybe he thought I'd say no to him. Yeah, that might be the reason. "Lol, you can call me whenever you want to." I replied. "Okay, I will from now on." "Okay.""I love you." Ahh, FINALLY. I've been waiting for him to say these words since we started talking. Okay, it was my turn now. My heart beat faster than before I sent "I love you too." There. I said it. Oh my god. Oh my god. Shit. Shit. Shit. I didn't remember the last time I had been this nervous. "But promise me that you won't ever lie to me." I sent quickly after that. A second later my phone vibrated. Wow, that was quick. "Can I call? You can take as many promises from me as you want to." He had said. "Yeah, sure." Oh my god. I couldn't believe this. He was actually about to call. I wasn't good at talking to someone on phone for long. How would I talk to HIM? I mean, I just got nervous every time I saw him. How would I say "I love you too" to him on phone? 
I still remembered the first time I talked to him in person. It was just a few days after we had started texting each other and he had confessed that he loved me. He had texted me that he wanted to talk to me and told me to come to the physics class when everyone had left. That made me nervous too, a thousand times more nervous than this time, actually. Texting him was something different. Hell, seeing him was different too. But actually talking to him was...overwhelming. What if he didn't like my voice or my style of talking? I kept on thinking about this stuff when my friends pushed me towards the door where he was. He was sitting on a chair wearing a black shirt. And he looked breathtakingly handsome. I could just look at his face all day and never get tired. I could smell him from a distance. He was looking right at me which made me even more nervous and I just couldn't look at him. I wanted to, like really wanted to but, he took away the little confidence I had, from me. He gave me butterflies by just looking at me. The way he looked at me made me forget all the worries I had...even that I had a so-called "boyfriend" whom I didn't consider one, though. I kept my eyes on my phone and pretended that I was texting someone when in real, I wasn't. I was just scrolling my messages up and down. He kept on talking and talking and I kept on nodding me head. He was asking me to tell him whether I like him or not. Stupid him, he should've understood by now that all my guts had already run miles away from me. A few minutes later, one of his friends came to the class we were in, to put his bag on his seat. He gave Zack a "oohhh" smile and i wanted to hide in a hole and never come out of it. And then after what felt like an eternity, I heard him say "I love you, Kate." And I looked up at him, right in his eyes." I felt something, I swear I did. I felt like I belonged to him. I wanted to be his, just his. I wanted him to be mine. After like two seconds, I broke our eye contact. I thought I'd fall any second with just what he was doing to me. Urghh. Why was he making me feel this way? When I finally couldn't take the oh-my-god-you're-so-cute-i-want-to-be-yours feeling any longer, I turned around saying "okay, I gotta go" and left, just to feel bad about how rudely I left without saying a proper bye, later. So, I texted him that I was sorry I had to go and he told me that it was okay. Yeah, he wasn't a bitch like me. 
He called and I picked up just as my phone rang. Okay, let's do this. "Hello?" I stuttered. "Hey, how are you?" He seemed comfortable, unlike me, and my confidence seemed to come back..a little. "I'm good, what about you?""I'm good too." "Oh." What? Are you out of your mind, Kate? Stop being a bitch. A voice inside my head started to say. "I love you, Kate. I love you so much." Heartbeat fast. Out of breath. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. What do I say? Shit. Shit. Shit. "I you too, Zack." I stuttered. See? That was not hard. "You won't do what you did the last time, right?" "No, ofcourse not." And all the guilt came rushing back. Not now, Kate. Not now. Just concentrate on what he's saying. "I love you. I seriously do." "I love you too Zack." I managed to say it perfectly this time..well almost. "But promise me now that you'll never lie to me." "I promise, Kate. How can someone lie to a person whom he loves so much?" He said immediately. "I don't know, but you know when someone lies to me, it feels as if I'm not good enough. 'Cause if I was, they would've told me the truth. There wouldn't have been a need to lie to me. It hurts, you know?" "Kate, if someone lies to you, that doesn't mean that there's a fault in you. It's just that, they are the people with flaws. I might lie to a million other people, but I promise that I won't ever lie to you. No matter how bitter the truth is." "Thanks. This means a lot." "I love you." "I love you too." And we talked all night. Talked about random stuff. Talked about him. Talked about me. Talked about us. And somewhere between all our talks, I started to like him just a little more.

The End

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