I Don't Know What To DoMature


'Penny. I just don't know what to say or do anymore.'  I twisted a strand of my hair around the middle finger of my left hand, letting it fall back into place when I had no more finger.

'Well tell me about it,' she replied.  'I might be able to help, or at least give you my take on things.'

'I just keep thinking.  What if things had been different?  What if Leo hadn't left me alone that day in the woods?  What if I'd asked for a ride home on his bike?  Would Dom have found me?  I'm not saying that I wish he hadn't, but would things have been different?  Maybe I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now.'

'What is it that's so bad?  You have Leo.'

'But I'm not sure if that makes me perfectly happy.  I love Leo, he means the world to me but...'


'I miss him,' I smiled, gazing off into the distance as I spoke.  'I miss the way he makes me feel when I've had a really bad day.  I love the way he laughs at me whenever I get something wrong or trip up over my own feet.  I miss the way he holds me when I go to sleep at night, the safety of him being there.  I miss feeling like I am a human being, not something dangerous and to be scared of.'

'I assume we're talking about Dom now.'  

I nodded.  'I just miss him so much.'

'Do you still love him?'  Penny's eyes were fixed on my face, her hand gently stroking my hair out of my face so she could see the expression on it.

'I'm not sure.  I don't think I do in the way I used to, but he still means a lot to me.  I would be heart-broken if anything happened to him and can't bear to see him suffering.'

'So what is it you want India?  I'm not getting a clear message here.  Are you wanting something to change?'

'I just want us all to get along.  I love Leo and I really think he loves me too, but I need.. Dom.. too.'  It hurt me inside to say his name and I had no idea why.  Maybe it was because I knew I couldn't have him.

'You can't have everything you want in life India,' Penny said softly.  'And as much as you will hate to hear this but I don't think that Dom and Leo are ever going to get on.'

'Why not?'  I asked desperately.  'They both want what is best for me and having them both in my life is what I need.'

'But instincts go beyond that India.  I don't know how you managed this long sleeping with a human and not killing him because of the smell of his blood.  I know most of the others couldn't do that.  Dom will be feeling the same way, wanting to feed of Leo, maybe even kill him.  

'Firstly because it is his nature, Leo is Dom's natural prey, and secondly because he wants you back.  I have no idea how far he is willing to go to achieve that, but one moment of animal anger is all it will take.  I know Dom doesn't want to do that because he knows it will hurt you, something he would never want to do, but sometimes nature takes over.'  There was silence as Penny allowed what she had just said to sink in.

'I'm sure you are right Penny, as always.  It just doesn't feel like that at the moment.'

'At least you still have Leo.  That's got to count for something.'  I didn't reply, not sure if I should voice my inner thoughts.  'India?  Things are alright with you and Leo?'

'I don't know.  I think I scare him.  You said that you're surprised I have lasted this long without feeding on him.  There have been a few close calls.'

'What do you mean?'  Penny leaned in, concerned.

'When we're together and he's kissing me, I sometimes get a bit carried away and...' my voice trailed off.


'I can't help it.  They seem to have a mind of their own and before I know it I have pointy teeth coming out of my mouth and I want to bite his neck.  It doesn't seem to be a turn on for Leo.'

'How many times has this happened?'

'Five or six,' I admitted reluctantly.  'And every time it happens he withdraws from me, not being alone with me for days on end, and when we are alone he won't speak to me.  And when I kiss him he recoils away from me.  Is this just me  being silly or could there be something to this?'

'I'm not sure India.  Your relationship isn't exactly conventional and I'm not the best person to talk about how guys are feeling at the best of times.  Maybe you should talk to Jake.  I'm sure he wouldn't mind.'

The End

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