SevenMature

          INT. BRAD'S ROOM - DAY CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, RODRIGUEZ

          Catelyn and Brad are sitting at a card table. They are
          playing Pokemon cards. They obviously have no idea what they
          are doing and are reading the cards the entire time.

                              BRAD
                    Poliwag is so bad. How do you even
                    play this game? All I'm drawing is
                    energies. Your decks suck.

                              CATELYN
                    You're supposed to have a bunch of
                    energies. You're the one that lost
                    all of your cards except a
                    Charizard.

                              BRAD
                    That was from when I was twelve.

                              CATELYN
                    How do you still have that
                    Charizard?

                              BRAD
                    All the kids on my block kept
                    wanting to trade for it and I was
                    worried that the trailer park kids
                    would steal it so I hid it.

                              CATELYN
                    That's social profiling.

                              BRAD
                    You just don't understand just how
                    awesome Charizard is. He was worth
                    like seven dollars!

                              CATELYN
                    Well my Kangaskhan is kicking your
                    ass.

                              BRAD
                    SIIIIIIICK I drew Blastoise. You're
                    freaking dead brah.

                              CATELYN
                    You have to evolve it from
                    Squirtle.

                              BRAD
                    What? (stares at the card) That's
                    stupid. You didn't even have to
                    evolve that stupid Kangaskhan. Why
                    wouldn't you just play a deck with
                    all Kangaskhan?

                              CATELYN
                    I played this game when I was like
                    eleven.

                              BRAD
                    Well I was hardcore. I beat
                    everybody in my neighborhood and I
                    even had a Charizard.

                              CATELYN
                    You have to evolve Charizard too.

                              BRAD
                    Waaat. I think you're lying.

          Scene skips. They have different decks.

                              BRAD
                    Why would you build a leaf deck?
                    It's obviously super shitty.

                              CATELYN
                    I made these decks when I was
                    eleven.

                              BRAD
                    That's no excuse. Einstein
                    discovered general relativity when
                    he was eleven.

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah well I discovered your mom
                    when she was eleven. Sexually.

                              BRAD
                    That's not...

                              CATELYN
                    Dude (phone rings) This "Bill" card is so
                    good. (shows card and answers
                    phone)

                              CATELYN
                    Hello...hey (becomes more serious
                    in tone)...you know where I am at
                    all times, but could you please
                    have the courtesy of asking me? It
                    would make me feel like I have a
                    little more freedom...haha, yeah
                    I'm just being sarcastic...in the
                    area?...haha...yeah-(to Brad) Hey
                    Brad? Do you care if Agent
                    Rodriguez stops by here for a
                    minute?

                              BRAD
                    I don't know, I guess. My mom's not
                    here, so just tell him to come on
                    in. How does he know where it is?

                              CATELYN
                    I gave him the address when I
                    started coming here. (to Rodriguez)
                    Hey...yeah...yeah just come right
                    in, you aren't interrupting
                    anything except Pokemon...yeah
                    seriously...alright, bye. (hang up)

                              BRAD
                    Why's he coming over here?

                              CATELYN
                    Probably to make sure I'm actually
                    here.

                              BRAD
                    Does he do that all the time?

                              CATELYN
                    Not really. Usually my dad just
                    calls me constantly.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah that's an understatement.

          Catelyn is gathering up the Pokemon cards and Brad is
          flipping channels on the tv. Rodriguez is coming down the
          stairs and knocks on the wall when he gets to the landing.

                              CATELYN
                    Hey. Brad, this is Agent Rodriguez.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    (shakes Brad's hand) I hope I'm not
                    imposing on you two.

                              BRAD
                    No, it's no big deal. We were just
                    chilling.

                              CATELYN
                    Have a seat.

          The three sit on the couch. Brad is visibly a little
          nervous, while Catelyn is perfectly comfortable. Rodriguez
          himself seems a little anxious.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Sorry to bother you guys. Just
                    doing my job.

                              CATELYN
                    It's cool. We just finished playing
                    the Pokemanz, so we're pretty
                    bored.
                         (pause)

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    I'm just supposed to look things
                    over and make sure Catelyn's in a
                    safe environment. Not direct
                    danger, obviously, just to make
                    sure that she's not in an
                    environment where her personal
                    information could end up on the
                    internet.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    It's dangerous for anything about
                    her to end up on several different
                    places online, even though the
                    perpetrators are just a small
                    group.

                              BRAD
                    Like the APC?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Exactly.

                              CATELYN
                    Well, I'll be sure and avoid
                    spamming my social security number
                    online on Brad's computer.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Yeah, that would be advisable.
                         (long pause)
                    Brad, would you mind if I spoke to
                    you in private? Just to ask a few
                    questions?

                              BRAD
                    Sure. (shows nervousness)

                              CATELYN
                    Alright. I'll just go upstairs to
                    the living room for a minute.

          Catelyn stands up and walks toward the stairs. She glances
          back at Brad, worried, and ascends to the living room. Brad
          shifts in his seat and stares at the tv.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    I just want to ask a couple of
                    questions. If you are
                    uncomfortable, just let me know,
                    alright?

                              BRAD
                    Sure.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    How did you meet Catelyn?

                              BRAD
                    I met her at her work. At the Game
                    and Fish Office in Roseville. I was
                    stopping in to get a fishing
                    license.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    What were you doing in Roseville?

                              BRAD
                    I was on my way to my friend Jay's
                    house. I needed a fishing license
                    for a joke we had planned, so I
                    stopped there.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Joke?

                              BRAD
                    Yeah.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    What is the APC?

                              BRAD
                    What? (nervous)

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    You said something about the APC
                    earlier. Why do you know about the
                    Anti-Pocky Council when Catelyn
                    does not?

                              BRAD
                    I surf websites and stuff. I've
                    seen people talking about it.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    People don't talk about it. There
                    are very few people in contact
                    with-

                              BRAD
                    I was sent on a mission by the APC.

          Rodriguez jumps a little and straightens in his chair.

                              BRAD
                    I was sent to that Game and Fish
                    Office to give Pocky a warning, but
                    I couldn't do it. I told them that
                    she wasn't there, and that the
                    information they had on her was
                    false. That's when I met her.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Why do you have Catelyn at your
                    home right now? (angry)

                              BRAD
                    That stuff is over, okay? I was
                    never a big Anonymous guy, and that
                    stuff is over.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    What are you even saying? You're an
                    Anonymous insider and you've been
                    right next to her for months?

                              BRAD
                    No. That's not it. (pause) I
                    haven't spoken to anyone from
                    Anonymous in months. I'm trying to
                    protect her.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    She doesn't know?

                              BRAD
                    No. I haven't told her yet. I
                    wanted to, eventually.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    So you're dating her to protect her
                    because you're guilty?

                              BRAD
                    No. No. (verge of tears) I'm
                    protecting her because I'm
                    shit-faced infatuated with her.

          Rodriguez rubs his face and takes a deep breath, then
          glances at the stairs, heavy in thought. Brad is staring
          blankly.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    So I'm to believe that you aren't
                    pretending to date her so that you
                    can get close to her and hand her
                    to Anonymous.

                              BRAD
                    Do you know Catelyn?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Yes, of course.

                              BRAD
                    Does she look that stupid to you?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    No, no, of course not.

                              BRAD
                    Do I look like a guy who can just
                    seduce any girl I want for my own
                    sick pleasure? I'm not one of those
                    people, okay?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    You drove to Roseville with the
                    intention of tracking down and
                    threatening her.

                              BRAD
                    I didn't know her.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    But I now know that you're capable
                    of doing something like that.

                              BRAD
                    I'm not...I wouldn't have...We
                    played Pokemon cards earlier.

          Rodriguez takes a deep breath, still unsure.

                              BRAD
                    We played Pokemon cards. Do you
                    understand the significance of
                    that? I met a girl, and she asked
                    me to play Pokemon cards with her.
                    She likes me, and she asked me to
                    play Pokemon cards with her.

          Rodriguez stares.

                              BRAD
                    Do you not understand the
                    significance of that? You don't
                    know what it's like (pause), what
                    it's like to sit in this basement
                    all day, your only friends being
                    idiots and hackers online. Your mom
                    criticizes you constantly, and you
                    haven't seen your dad in a year and
                    a half. (pause) And then. And then,
                    you meet a girl, and she's cute,
                    and she seems interested in you,
                    you as a person. Do you see? And
                    then, just when you think you're
                    doing pretty good, this girl asks
                    you to play Pokemon cards with her.
                    People don't do things like that.
                    People like Catelyn don't exist.
                    Real people don't ask you to play
                    Pokemon.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    I know what you're saying-

                              BRAD
                    Are you married?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                         (pause)
                    Yes. Her name is Andrea. We have a
                    daughter, Selena, and she's almost
                    a year old.

                              BRAD
                    Andrea?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Yes.

                              BRAD
                    A few Saturdays ago, Catelyn was
                    here and we were watching
                    something, Pulp Fiction I think, on
                    this couch. We had been sitting
                    here for maybe an hour. She asked
                    me if we had anything to drink, and
                    I said yes and told her where the
                    cups were. She got up and went
                    upstairs. I realized that she had
                    been holding my hand. She had been
                    holding my hand the entire time,
                    and I hadn't noticed. I didn't
                    notice it until she was gone. She
                    was holding my hand for like an
                    hour, and it was so natural to me
                    that I didn't realize it was
                    happening. (pause) Dude, sir, that
                    was the first time a girl has held
                    my hand since I was in seventh
                    grade. I didn't even notice! Do you
                    know what that's like?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Brad-

                              BRAD
                    Do you know what it's like to feel
                    that comfortable and happy with-

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    Brad.

                              BRAD
                    What?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    That's all the questions I've got.
                    I'm done, unless you have something
                    to say.

                              BRAD
                    Um...(stares at Rodriguez for a
                    moment) no, I guess...I guess I
                    don't have anything else.

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    I'd better let you two get back to
                    playing Pokemon.

          Rodriguez stands, clearly showing emotion on his face. Brad
          stays seated for a moment, then finally stands. Rodriguez
          shakes his hand.

                              BRAD
                    Are you going to tell her?

                              RODRIGUEZ
                    When you tell her, make sure you
                    steer clear of her dad. He'd be
                    better off not knowing that.

          Rodriguez is at the front door. He shakes Catelyn's hand,
          then shakes Brad's hand. He says his goodbyes and exits.
          Brad hugs Catelyn.

                              CATELYN
                    What's this about?

                              BRAD
                    I-oh-no.

                              CATELYN
                    What did you guys talk about?

                              BRAD
                    Pokemon.

                              CATELYN
                    Oh really? Was he intimidating?

          Still hugging for the rest of the scene.

                              BRAD
                    A little. It's the beard.

                              CATELYN
                    You wish you had a beard like that.

                              BRAD
                    What are you doing Sunday
                    afternoon?

                              CATELYN
                    Probably, you know, being under
                    federal protection. Why?

                              BRAD
                    I have a hobby I haven't told you
                    about.

                              CATELYN
                    What? Is this illegal?

                              BRAD
                    It's really dorky.

                              CATELYN
                    We just played Pokemanz.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah. Well you're gonna come and
                    you'd better not laugh.

                              CATELYN
                    That's what she said.

          OUT. PARK - DAY CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, ARMY OF GONDOR

          Camera is zoomed in on a guy's face. His expression is very
          intense, and he is wearing war paint. After he begins
          speaking, camera zooms out to show a line of guys in
          ridiculous war paint/armor etc. They are carrying duct tape
          fake swords and other weapons and their faces are all
          intense. (yes this part is more obviously over-the-top)

                              SPEAKER
                    My brothers! I see in your eyes the
                    same fear that would take the heart
                    of me. A day may come when the
                    courage of Men fails, when we
                    forsake our friends and break all
                    bonds of fellowship, but it is not
                    this day. An hour of wolves and
                    shattered shields when the Age of
                    Men comes crashing down, but it is
                    not this day! This day we fight! By
                    all that you hold dear on this good
                    earth, I bid you stand, Men of the
                    West!

          Catelyn is sitting on the side of a big field in a park,
          watching (maybe sitting on the hood of her/Brad's car or she
          brought lawn chairs or something). She is trying not to
          laugh.

                              CATELYN
                         (Speaks to herself)
                    People do this?

                              SPEAKER
                    The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall
                    sound in the Deep, one last time!
                    Let this be the hour when we draw
                    swords together!
                    Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath.
                    Now for ruin. And the red dawn.
                    Forth Men of the West!

          Heavy music begins at the end of the speech, and after he
          yells the last line the group begins charging and yelling.
          Overdramatic zoom-ins on fighters etc. Camera momentarily
          pans to Catelyn. Her eyes are wide open and she is
          sarcastically mind-blown.

                              CATELYN
                         (to self) I think I peed a
                         little.

          Music immediately resumes and the group of fighters clash
          against the other group in the field, and beat the shit out
          of each other with fake swords. Brad gets an awesome hit on
          a weirdly dressed enemy. He raises his sword in triumph

                              BRAD
                    I killed the cleric!

          He's immediately stabbed from behind. He sighs and walks
          over to Catelyn.

                              CATELYN
                    What's the cleric?

                              BRAD
                    Oh, that was just Will. He's not
                    really a cleric or whatever. It's a
                    joke.

                              CATELYN
                    What?

                              BRAD
                    Well this is called LARPing, live
                    action role playing, but we don't
                    role play or anything, we just beat
                    the shit out of each other.

                              CATELYN
                    I can see that.

                              BRAD
                    So we are making fun of the people
                    that are hardcore role players.

                              CATELYN
                    So you are making fun of them
                    because you are less of a nerd than
                    them?

                              BRAD
                    Did you see that speech?

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah, that was the nerdiest thing
                    I've ever seen.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah, that's the joke.

                              CATELYN
                    So you kill the cleric to make fun
                    of nerds when you are actually a
                    bigger nerd yourself.

                              BRAD
                    Exactly.

                              CATELYN
                    Well um...I'm impressed.

                              BRAD
                    But this can't be the nerdiest
                    thing ever? What about Star Trek
                    conventions?

                              CATELYN
                    Just because it's manly doesn't
                    mean it isn't ridiculously dorky.

                              BRAD
                    Oh you mean like UFC fighting?

                              CATELYN
                    No that's just gay.

                              BRAD
                    So did you like the speech? I wrote
                    it.

                              CATELYN
                    Funny joke.

                              BRAD
                    No really. I'm a badass orator.

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah Aragorn's speech at the Black
                    Gate was so much better in the
                    book. But the second part of it was
                    King Theoden, and he was amazing in
                    the movies.

                              BRAD
                    I peed in my pants a little when
                    you said that.

                              CATELYN
                    That's funny, I peed myself earlier
                    too after that speech.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah I wrote that and Lord of the
                    Rings just plagiarized.

                              CATELYN
                    How does peeing yourself from
                    Aragorn's speech compare to peeing
                    yourself from me talking about
                    Middle-Earth?

                              BRAD
                    Because girls don't talk about
                    Tolkien lore.

                              CATELYN
                    I read the Silmarillion like five
                    times.

                              BRAD
                    That's so much dorkier than
                    fighting with toy swords.

                              CATELYN
                    It is so not.
                         (pause)

                              BRAD
                    Your mom is dorkier than toy
                    swords.

                              CATELYN
                    That didn't work at all.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah it wasn't supposed to work.

                              CATELYN
                    I don't believe you.

          OUT. PARKING LOT - EVENING CHARACTERS: ADDY, BRAD

          Close up on a guy walking across a parking lot. He is
          unknown. He is apparently getting off work, because he has a
          name tag and is walking toward his car. He checks his phone
          and walks, then reacts to something. Camera shows Brad,
          leaning against his car.

                              BRAD
                    Aye, Admiral.

                              ADDY
                    What?

                              BRAD
                    Admiral Awesome.

                              ADDY
                    Do I know you?

                              BRAD
                    I know you, Addy. APC.

                              ADDY
                    Who...what's your screenname.

                              BRAD
                    That isn't important.

                              ADDY
                    Why are you here in person?

                              BRAD
                    There is a situation within the
                    APC, and it has come to my
                    attention that you know more than
                    most of the others think you know.

                              ADDY
                    Yes.  The information I gave about
                    the...about Pocky, was true.

                              BRAD
                    I'm not so sure, but I'm here to
                    assess the situation, and I wanted
                    a safer means of conversation than
                    the internets.

                              ADDY
                    What do you want to know? (Addy,
                    assuming that Brad is someone
                    important, is obviously very
                    willing)

                              BRAD
                    What's your history with Pocky?

                              ADDY
                    Her name is Catelyn. I knew her on
                    Gaia, and we kind of had a thing. A
                    long distance relationship. Well,
                    we split up after...oh by the way,
                    I'm the guy she make the video for.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah I knew.

                              ADDY
                    Okay, well some of the APC don't
                    believe me now. Well, we split up
                    and later on I ended up posting her
                    video on the Internets. I didn't
                    want to hurt her or whatever, I
                    just thought it was funny.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah well that didn't work out
                    well.

                              ADDY
                    Yeah, that's why I'm doing this
                    shit. I'm on your side about this
                    whole thing. What her image
                    represents is killing Anonymous.

                              BRAD
                    Well what happened recently? Why
                    did it take so long for you to leak
                    her?

                              ADDY
                    Well I wasn't exactly a Anon
                    "elite" or whatever at the time,
                    and a year or two later, recently,
                    I came into contact with the APC
                    and decided that it was worth it to
                    give up her personal information.

                              BRAD
                    "Worth it?"

                              ADDY
                    Well it's not like I wanted to hurt
                    her, like I said, just eliminate
                    her video and her image from the
                    internet. I eventually decided that
                    it was the only way.

                              BRAD
                    So what happened at her workplace?

                              ADDY
                    We sent a random to go threaten
                    her, maybe scare her off the
                    internet. At least give a sign to
                    all of Anonymous. Well he didn't do
                    it.

                              BRAD
                    He didn't go at all?

                              ADDY
                    No, he went. He met her, and for
                    some reason he chickened out. Maybe
                    she charmed him or something.

                              BRAD
                    Then what did he do?

                              ADDY
                    Well, he just went back to the
                    internet and told the APC guys that
                    I lied about her identity. Then he
                    just disappeared.

                              BRAD
                    Well what happened to him?

                              ADDY
                    I don't know. He just wanted to
                    protect her or something. I don't
                    really hate the guy or whatever, I
                    almost feel sorry for him. He
                    thinks she, or society or whatever,
                    is still important. Like he has any
                    reason to protect them. He doesn't
                    know what he's doing.

                              BRAD
                    Well...(Brad is trying to keep
                    himself together) what did APC do
                    to you?

                              ADDY
                    Some of them were mad, but really
                    they just thought I was messing
                    with them. I...well I'm not really
                    in with them any more.

                              BRAD
                    What do you mean?

                              ADDY
                    They don't respect me anymore. I
                    don't really know what I can do to
                    get their respect. Maybe you can
                    tell them all of this?

                              BRAD
                    Yeah, I'll think it over.

                              ADDY
                    Regardless of what you might think,
                    I don't care about her anymore. All
                    I care about is Anonymous. Our
                    culture.

                              BRAD
                    Well, that's great.

                              ADDY
                    Just tell them that she's in
                    Roseville. We have to do something
                    drastic.

                              BRAD
                    What if that really isn't where she
                    lives? Maybe she moved.

                              ADDY
                    No, I don't think so. I don't know,
                    maybe.

                              BRAD
                    Well, I appreciate you giving me
                    this information.

                              ADDY
                    Are you All_Your_Base?

                              BRAD
                    If I were you'd already be dead.

                              ADDY
                    Yeah I know what you mean. That guy
                    thinks he's such a badass.

          Brad gets into his car. He he looks over at Addy, getting
          into his car, then he rages a little. He punches his
          steering wheel. He pauses for a moment, then starts his car.

The End

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