INT. BRAD'S ROOM - DAY CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, RODRIGUEZ
Catelyn and Brad are sitting at a card table. They are
playing Pokemon cards. They obviously have no idea what they
are doing and are reading the cards the entire time.
Poliwag is so bad. How do you even
play this game? All I'm drawing is
energies. Your decks suck.
You're supposed to have a bunch of
energies. You're the one that lost
all of your cards except a
That was from when I was twelve.
How do you still have that
All the kids on my block kept
wanting to trade for it and I was
worried that the trailer park kids
would steal it so I hid it.
That's social profiling.
You just don't understand just how
awesome Charizard is. He was worth
like seven dollars!
Well my Kangaskhan is kicking your
SIIIIIIICK I drew Blastoise. You're
freaking dead brah.
You have to evolve it from
What? (stares at the card) That's
stupid. You didn't even have to
evolve that stupid Kangaskhan. Why
wouldn't you just play a deck with
I played this game when I was like
Well I was hardcore. I beat
everybody in my neighborhood and I
even had a Charizard.
You have to evolve Charizard too.
Waaat. I think you're lying.
Scene skips. They have different decks.
Why would you build a leaf deck?
It's obviously super shitty.
I made these decks when I was
That's no excuse. Einstein
discovered general relativity when
he was eleven.
Yeah well I discovered your mom
when she was eleven. Sexually.
Dude (phone rings) This "Bill" card is so
good. (shows card and answers
Hello...hey (becomes more serious
in tone)...you know where I am at
all times, but could you please
have the courtesy of asking me? It
would make me feel like I have a
little more freedom...haha, yeah
I'm just being sarcastic...in the
area?...haha...yeah-(to Brad) Hey
Brad? Do you care if Agent
Rodriguez stops by here for a
I don't know, I guess. My mom's not
here, so just tell him to come on
in. How does he know where it is?
I gave him the address when I
started coming here. (to Rodriguez)
Hey...yeah...yeah just come right
in, you aren't interrupting
anything except Pokemon...yeah
seriously...alright, bye. (hang up)
Why's he coming over here?
Probably to make sure I'm actually
Does he do that all the time?
Not really. Usually my dad just
calls me constantly.
Yeah that's an understatement.
Catelyn is gathering up the Pokemon cards and Brad is
flipping channels on the tv. Rodriguez is coming down the
stairs and knocks on the wall when he gets to the landing.
Hey. Brad, this is Agent Rodriguez.
(shakes Brad's hand) I hope I'm not
imposing on you two.
No, it's no big deal. We were just
Have a seat.
The three sit on the couch. Brad is visibly a little
nervous, while Catelyn is perfectly comfortable. Rodriguez
himself seems a little anxious.
Sorry to bother you guys. Just
doing my job.
It's cool. We just finished playing
the Pokemanz, so we're pretty
I'm just supposed to look things
over and make sure Catelyn's in a
safe environment. Not direct
danger, obviously, just to make
sure that she's not in an
environment where her personal
information could end up on the
It's dangerous for anything about
her to end up on several different
places online, even though the
perpetrators are just a small
Like the APC?
Well, I'll be sure and avoid
spamming my social security number
online on Brad's computer.
Yeah, that would be advisable.
Brad, would you mind if I spoke to
you in private? Just to ask a few
Sure. (shows nervousness)
Alright. I'll just go upstairs to
the living room for a minute.
Catelyn stands up and walks toward the stairs. She glances
back at Brad, worried, and ascends to the living room. Brad
shifts in his seat and stares at the tv.
I just want to ask a couple of
questions. If you are
uncomfortable, just let me know,
How did you meet Catelyn?
I met her at her work. At the Game
and Fish Office in Roseville. I was
stopping in to get a fishing
What were you doing in Roseville?
I was on my way to my friend Jay's
house. I needed a fishing license
for a joke we had planned, so I
What is the APC?
You said something about the APC
earlier. Why do you know about the
Anti-Pocky Council when Catelyn
I surf websites and stuff. I've
seen people talking about it.
People don't talk about it. There
are very few people in contact
I was sent on a mission by the APC.
Rodriguez jumps a little and straightens in his chair.
I was sent to that Game and Fish
Office to give Pocky a warning, but
I couldn't do it. I told them that
she wasn't there, and that the
information they had on her was
false. That's when I met her.
Why do you have Catelyn at your
home right now? (angry)
That stuff is over, okay? I was
never a big Anonymous guy, and that
stuff is over.
What are you even saying? You're an
Anonymous insider and you've been
right next to her for months?
No. That's not it. (pause) I
haven't spoken to anyone from
Anonymous in months. I'm trying to
She doesn't know?
No. I haven't told her yet. I
wanted to, eventually.
So you're dating her to protect her
because you're guilty?
No. No. (verge of tears) I'm
protecting her because I'm
shit-faced infatuated with her.
Rodriguez rubs his face and takes a deep breath, then
glances at the stairs, heavy in thought. Brad is staring
So I'm to believe that you aren't
pretending to date her so that you
can get close to her and hand her
Do you know Catelyn?
Yes, of course.
Does she look that stupid to you?
No, no, of course not.
Do I look like a guy who can just
seduce any girl I want for my own
sick pleasure? I'm not one of those
You drove to Roseville with the
intention of tracking down and
I didn't know her.
But I now know that you're capable
of doing something like that.
I'm not...I wouldn't have...We
played Pokemon cards earlier.
Rodriguez takes a deep breath, still unsure.
We played Pokemon cards. Do you
understand the significance of
that? I met a girl, and she asked
me to play Pokemon cards with her.
She likes me, and she asked me to
play Pokemon cards with her.
Do you not understand the
significance of that? You don't
know what it's like (pause), what
it's like to sit in this basement
all day, your only friends being
idiots and hackers online. Your mom
criticizes you constantly, and you
haven't seen your dad in a year and
a half. (pause) And then. And then,
you meet a girl, and she's cute,
and she seems interested in you,
you as a person. Do you see? And
then, just when you think you're
doing pretty good, this girl asks
you to play Pokemon cards with her.
People don't do things like that.
People like Catelyn don't exist.
Real people don't ask you to play
I know what you're saying-
Are you married?
Yes. Her name is Andrea. We have a
daughter, Selena, and she's almost
a year old.
A few Saturdays ago, Catelyn was
here and we were watching
something, Pulp Fiction I think, on
this couch. We had been sitting
here for maybe an hour. She asked
me if we had anything to drink, and
I said yes and told her where the
cups were. She got up and went
upstairs. I realized that she had
been holding my hand. She had been
holding my hand the entire time,
and I hadn't noticed. I didn't
notice it until she was gone. She
was holding my hand for like an
hour, and it was so natural to me
that I didn't realize it was
happening. (pause) Dude, sir, that
was the first time a girl has held
my hand since I was in seventh
grade. I didn't even notice! Do you
know what that's like?
Do you know what it's like to feel
that comfortable and happy with-
That's all the questions I've got.
I'm done, unless you have something
Um...(stares at Rodriguez for a
moment) no, I guess...I guess I
don't have anything else.
I'd better let you two get back to
Rodriguez stands, clearly showing emotion on his face. Brad
stays seated for a moment, then finally stands. Rodriguez
shakes his hand.
Are you going to tell her?
When you tell her, make sure you
steer clear of her dad. He'd be
better off not knowing that.
Rodriguez is at the front door. He shakes Catelyn's hand,
then shakes Brad's hand. He says his goodbyes and exits.
Brad hugs Catelyn.
What's this about?
What did you guys talk about?
Oh really? Was he intimidating?
Still hugging for the rest of the scene.
A little. It's the beard.
You wish you had a beard like that.
What are you doing Sunday
Probably, you know, being under
federal protection. Why?
I have a hobby I haven't told you
What? Is this illegal?
It's really dorky.
We just played Pokemanz.
Yeah. Well you're gonna come and
you'd better not laugh.
That's what she said.
OUT. PARK - DAY CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, ARMY OF GONDOR
Camera is zoomed in on a guy's face. His expression is very
intense, and he is wearing war paint. After he begins
speaking, camera zooms out to show a line of guys in
ridiculous war paint/armor etc. They are carrying duct tape
fake swords and other weapons and their faces are all
intense. (yes this part is more obviously over-the-top)
My brothers! I see in your eyes the
same fear that would take the heart
of me. A day may come when the
courage of Men fails, when we
forsake our friends and break all
bonds of fellowship, but it is not
this day. An hour of wolves and
shattered shields when the Age of
Men comes crashing down, but it is
not this day! This day we fight! By
all that you hold dear on this good
earth, I bid you stand, Men of the
Catelyn is sitting on the side of a big field in a park,
watching (maybe sitting on the hood of her/Brad's car or she
brought lawn chairs or something). She is trying not to
(Speaks to herself)
People do this?
The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall
sound in the Deep, one last time!
Let this be the hour when we draw
Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath.
Now for ruin. And the red dawn.
Forth Men of the West!
Heavy music begins at the end of the speech, and after he
yells the last line the group begins charging and yelling.
Overdramatic zoom-ins on fighters etc. Camera momentarily
pans to Catelyn. Her eyes are wide open and she is
(to self) I think I peed a
Music immediately resumes and the group of fighters clash
against the other group in the field, and beat the shit out
of each other with fake swords. Brad gets an awesome hit on
a weirdly dressed enemy. He raises his sword in triumph
I killed the cleric!
He's immediately stabbed from behind. He sighs and walks
over to Catelyn.
What's the cleric?
Oh, that was just Will. He's not
really a cleric or whatever. It's a
Well this is called LARPing, live
action role playing, but we don't
role play or anything, we just beat
the shit out of each other.
I can see that.
So we are making fun of the people
that are hardcore role players.
So you are making fun of them
because you are less of a nerd than
Did you see that speech?
Yeah, that was the nerdiest thing
I've ever seen.
Yeah, that's the joke.
So you kill the cleric to make fun
of nerds when you are actually a
bigger nerd yourself.
Well um...I'm impressed.
But this can't be the nerdiest
thing ever? What about Star Trek
Just because it's manly doesn't
mean it isn't ridiculously dorky.
Oh you mean like UFC fighting?
No that's just gay.
So did you like the speech? I wrote
No really. I'm a badass orator.
Yeah Aragorn's speech at the Black
Gate was so much better in the
book. But the second part of it was
King Theoden, and he was amazing in
I peed in my pants a little when
you said that.
That's funny, I peed myself earlier
too after that speech.
Yeah I wrote that and Lord of the
Rings just plagiarized.
How does peeing yourself from
Aragorn's speech compare to peeing
yourself from me talking about
Because girls don't talk about
I read the Silmarillion like five
That's so much dorkier than
fighting with toy swords.
It is so not.
Your mom is dorkier than toy
That didn't work at all.
Yeah it wasn't supposed to work.
I don't believe you.
OUT. PARKING LOT - EVENING CHARACTERS: ADDY, BRAD
Close up on a guy walking across a parking lot. He is
unknown. He is apparently getting off work, because he has a
name tag and is walking toward his car. He checks his phone
and walks, then reacts to something. Camera shows Brad,
leaning against his car.
Do I know you?
I know you, Addy. APC.
Who...what's your screenname.
That isn't important.
Why are you here in person?
There is a situation within the
APC, and it has come to my
attention that you know more than
most of the others think you know.
Yes. The information I gave about
the...about Pocky, was true.
I'm not so sure, but I'm here to
assess the situation, and I wanted
a safer means of conversation than
What do you want to know? (Addy,
assuming that Brad is someone
important, is obviously very
What's your history with Pocky?
Her name is Catelyn. I knew her on
Gaia, and we kind of had a thing. A
long distance relationship. Well,
we split up after...oh by the way,
I'm the guy she make the video for.
Yeah I knew.
Okay, well some of the APC don't
believe me now. Well, we split up
and later on I ended up posting her
video on the Internets. I didn't
want to hurt her or whatever, I
just thought it was funny.
Yeah well that didn't work out
Yeah, that's why I'm doing this
shit. I'm on your side about this
whole thing. What her image
represents is killing Anonymous.
Well what happened recently? Why
did it take so long for you to leak
Well I wasn't exactly a Anon
"elite" or whatever at the time,
and a year or two later, recently,
I came into contact with the APC
and decided that it was worth it to
give up her personal information.
Well it's not like I wanted to hurt
her, like I said, just eliminate
her video and her image from the
internet. I eventually decided that
it was the only way.
So what happened at her workplace?
We sent a random to go threaten
her, maybe scare her off the
internet. At least give a sign to
all of Anonymous. Well he didn't do
He didn't go at all?
No, he went. He met her, and for
some reason he chickened out. Maybe
she charmed him or something.
Then what did he do?
Well, he just went back to the
internet and told the APC guys that
I lied about her identity. Then he
Well what happened to him?
I don't know. He just wanted to
protect her or something. I don't
really hate the guy or whatever, I
almost feel sorry for him. He
thinks she, or society or whatever,
is still important. Like he has any
reason to protect them. He doesn't
know what he's doing.
Well...(Brad is trying to keep
himself together) what did APC do
Some of them were mad, but really
they just thought I was messing
with them. I...well I'm not really
in with them any more.
What do you mean?
They don't respect me anymore. I
don't really know what I can do to
get their respect. Maybe you can
tell them all of this?
Yeah, I'll think it over.
Regardless of what you might think,
I don't care about her anymore. All
I care about is Anonymous. Our
Well, that's great.
Just tell them that she's in
Roseville. We have to do something
What if that really isn't where she
lives? Maybe she moved.
No, I don't think so. I don't know,
Well, I appreciate you giving me
Are you All_Your_Base?
If I were you'd already be dead.
Yeah I know what you mean. That guy
thinks he's such a badass.
Brad gets into his car. He he looks over at Addy, getting
into his car, then he rages a little. He punches his
steering wheel. He pauses for a moment, then starts his car.
INT. BRAD'S ROOM - DAY CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, RODRIGUEZ