INT. SAM'S HOUSE - EVENING/NIGHT CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN,
Brad and Catelyn are sitting on a couch, playing Scrabble.
Brad is keeping score on a piece of paper. Camera pans out,
and Sam is sitting across from them playing, next to Daniel
(completely unexpected). Daniel is spelling a word on the
Dude, bro. This is gonna be sick.
Memory. That's a good word.
Brad writes down the score. Daniel looks at Sam and appears
pleased with himself.
Cate, your turn.
Catelyn thinks for a while. Daniel keeps looking at Sam and
looking around the room. He is fidgety and excited.
Is "wuwiok" a word?
Yeah dude. Remember in the spirit
temple on Zelda, and you fight that
huge armored guy before the final
Oooh yeah. I remember.
Well I'm pretty sure his name is
Catelyn spells the word on the board and Brad writes down
the score. Sam smirks and Daniel looks annoyed.
Does that really count? I don't
think that's a word.
My turn. I've got a good one.
"Kite." Double letter score too.
Are we winning?
We have a million points but
remember Sam got infinity points
for spelling "poopy."
Yeah I forgot about poopy.
Can I keep score?
I'm a level five Scrabble judge.
(stares at Daniel) Sam, your turn.
Yeah that's morbid, so I think you
get bonus points.
Oh, oh, oh. Okay. Um..."death".
Sweet, double letter score. Do I
get a bonus for spelling a morbid
Yeah I'm pretty sure he gets points
for going off of the "fled" and
opening up the board.
Yep, you're right.
Daniel looks pleased.
So how many points do we have now?
You have infinity. You still have
Okay, my turn. Uh...What
about...what about "berka"? Is that
Oh yeah, definitely.
Why don't you spell "break?" It's
the same letters?
Oh yeah. Well there was the
Watergate Scandal right? Well you
know the whole Roswell thing, when
Kennedy was president? The alien
cover up? I think that was called
the Berka Scandal.
I don't think the aliens were real.
Okay if you add it up, "berka" is
on the double letter score, so it's
worth infinity points.
Nice. (high fives Catelyn)
Sweet. It's a tie.
Hey Brad, want to take a smoke real
I don't smoke-
Go with him Brad.
She nudges Brad and he follows Daniel out of the room.
Dude (lowered voice) why did you
invite him? He pointed out that the
aliens weren't real.
(sigh)(pissed) Yeah, well your
boyfriend is an internet stalker.
We've already talked about this.
(she is frustrated, but visibly
less mad than Sam) You know he
isn't an internet terrorist
super-hacker or whatever just
because he hangs out on a certain
I think you're just being naive.
What about Daniel? He works at Taco
You're mad at me for judging Brad
and now you're saying Daniel is
dumb just because he doesn't like
your shitty little jokes. (long
pause) He's a lot better when he
opens up. He's just not comfortable
in this situation. Give him a
I will. Okay?
There's a difference between giving
someone a chance and being naive
I'll give Daniel a chance. Okay?
Look...You know how I feel. It's
about you. It's like you're
condoning the actions of the people
that almost ruined your life.
That's ridiculous. You've met him.
I don't even know what you're
Well...Well, I'm not trying to
compare guys. I don't even know if
I like Daniel. Your attitude toward
him doesn't apply at all to your
situation with Brad.
(pause) I'm sorry we were messing
with him earlier.
Thanks. But it was really funny.
Poopy is infinite points.
Obviously. (pause) But please just
think about the type of people you
are dealing with and what they are
They aren't all that type of
person... I know you're trying to
help, but you aren't being
Just...okay. You know (Brad and
Daniel enter) what I'm saying.
Yo ladies. Talking about me?
Just about how you're going to get
lung cancer from smoking.
Well it doesn't matter since you'll
be getting cancer from being bad at
Nice. (obviously trying to be nice
Well I spelled a word that was
worth an arbitrarily large amount
of points, so I'm pretty sure it's
not humanly possible to be better
than me at Scrabble.
What if I were to travel back in
time and convince the creator of
Scrabble to reverse the scoring
system, like in golf. Then when I
traveled back, you would have the
worse score ever.
Adam Sandler should make a movie
Catelyn looks at Brad, wide-eyed, showing her obvious
disdain of Adam Sandler. She mouths "Adam Sandler".
INT. CATELYN'S HOUSE - DAY CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, DAD
Brad enters Catelyn's house. She and her dad are cooking.
Hey, Brad. Have you had lunch? Cate
is making her famous meatloaf.
Yeah, she wanted me to come try it.
So it's famous?
Yeah, I'd say it's fairly well
known. I mean, pretty much everyone
I know has heard of meatloaf.
So are you going to Brad's after
So what are you guys doing?
Well, first we'll play video games,
and I'll beat Brad every time. Then
when he wants to play the games
that he likes, I'll refuse. Then
I'll beat him at my games some
more. Then we'll go to Taco Barn
and make fun of people. Then we'll
go back to Brad's house, and then
Brad will lose at video games some
more. Then we'll go to Sonic, and
Brad will ask the woman on the
speaker if it's happy hour. She'll
say something pissy, and Brad will
laugh. He always thinks it's funny.
It's always funny.
Yeah, it's funny because Brad
always thinks it's funny. Then
we'll get a milkshake, and Brad
will probably get mint, which is
super shitty. Then he'll drive me
back home, and I might give him a
kiss, unless he got a mint
milkshake, because they taste like
I understand now. (sarcastically
Then I'll come inside and you'll be
watching something on Discovery
Channel about sharks or deep sea
fishing or something, and you'll
ask me if I had a good time. I'll
make up some stupid witty reply,
then I'll go upstairs and read for
like a million years because I have
300 pages left in this book and I
won't be able to stop. Then I'll
sleep in until noon because I don't
work tomorrow, and sissy will wake
me up screaming for me to make her
(to Brad) Do you really like her?
She's such a smartass.
Oh, I don't really like her as a
person. I'm just dating her to
raise my progeny. She has great
health insurance and she has
amazing birthing hips.
Oh. Cate are you going to cry now?
I hate both of you. You're
distracting me from creating my
How do you make such great
meatloaf? What's the secret?
There is no secret. I'm fucking
This whole time... (sarcastically
...(whisper) Are you a wizard?
Dad chuckles a little, but clearly doesn't understand the
magnitude of the joke. Catelyn, instead of reacting, drops
her knife and grabs Brad's arm and drags him into the other
room. She pushes him into a chair.
Catelyn jumps on top of him.
I can't believe you said that in
front of my dad. I want to have sex
with you right now.
THIS ISN'T APPROPRIATE CATELYN ANNE
Shut up I want to do you.
Don't you have little siblings
running around here?
They're at the store with my mom.
Plus Trisha is like, even though
she's three, she hangs out at the
red light district at midnight and
sells herself to businessmen, and
Adam, yeah he's five, but he once
killed a man in Reno just to watch
Well it's not appropriate for your
father. Wait, what about that stuff
you said in front of my mom?
That's different. Most of what I
said was premeditated, and plus
your mom's like...well I'm the
girlfriend so my dad is supposed to
be super intimidating. I can't
believe you said that. You've
changed so much since I met you,
it's like you're becoming a surreal
bodacious sex god.
Surreal bodacious sex-god. You're
insane. It wasn't that funny dude-
(from other room) Cate, your
meatloaf is getting cold or
Do you really think I've changed or
No, I was just trying to sex you up
and make you uncomfortable because
you're funnier than me.
Well perhaps the student has
surpassed the master.
And the prodigal son returns.
Yeah that too. (pause) God hurry up
and feed me I'm starving.
INT. SAM'S HOUSE - EVENING/NIGHT CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN,