FiveMature

         INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING CHARACTERS: CATELYN, BRAD

          The two are seated in a booth in a restaurant. Catelyn is
          staring at her food while eating and Brad is eating as well,
          glancing up at Catelyn regularly.

                              BRAD
                    So, am I going to meet this fabled
                    "Sam?"

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah, one day. She...well...she
                    hates Anonymous and internet stuff.

                              BRAD
                    So she would hate me because I make
                    internet jokes sometimes?

                              CATELYN
                    It would bother her.

                              BRAD
                    Why's that?

                              CATELYN
                    Well, she...I...I think I need to
                    tell you something.

          Brad freezes in the middle of eating.

                              BRAD
                    What?

                              CATELYN
                    Have you heard of Pocky? Like, the
                    youtube videos that were on /b/?

                              BRAD
                    Yeah of course. That was a big deal
                    like a year ago. People DDoS-ed the
                    chans a few times and crashed a
                    couple of servers I think. Why do
                    you mention that?

                              CATELYN
                    Well...I...(picking at food
                    awkwardly) I am Pocky.

          Brad pauses, thinking.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah, I thought so. I was
                    suspecting it.

                              CATELYN
                    You were? (looks confused about his
                    minimal reaction)

                              BRAD
                    Yeah, you look like Pocky
                    obviously. Except with less
                    eyeliner. You look better.

          Catelyn smiles.

                              CATELYN
                    Why didn't you just ask me? You
                    didn't think I would tell you the
                    truth?

                              BRAD
                    Well...I was worried.

                              CATELYN
                    What?

                              BRAD
                    I was worried that you might think
                    I only like you because you're,
                    like, an internet celebrity.

                              CATELYN
                    So you don't?

                              BRAD
                    No. I like the regular you.
                    Sarcasm, and less eyeliner, and
                    all.

                              CATELYN
                    Wow, that's...that's really honest
                    of you. Why aren't guys more direct
                    like that?

                              BRAD
                    I don't know. I don't...I...I don't
                    usually talk to very many girls.

          Catelyn continues to pick at her food. Long awkward silence
          begins. After a period, Catelyn rises.

                              CATELYN
                    Bathroom.

          Catelyn walks away. Brad takes a deep breath, sullen. He
          pulls out his iPhone and the camera pans to him posting a
          thread.

                              BRAD
                    (inner dialogue) Alright, /b/,
                    advice thread. I'm starting a
                    relationship with this girl, and
                    she's super cool, and I've been
                    doing okay so far. But I just told
                    her that I usually never talk to
                    girls, and I think I scared her off
                    and made myself look like a
                    basement-dweller faggot. What do
                    /b/?

          Shows Brad scrolling through the responses. He stops on one,
          which is a serious response amidst a sea of trolls.
                    (inner dialogue, Catelyn's voice)
                    Hey, fem-anon here. If I were the
                    girl, I would tell you how great
                    you are, and how you shouldn't
                    worry too much. This girl obviously
                    knows what she's getting into, and
                    she doesn't mind the fact that
                    you're probably a virgin and you
                    spend most of your time lurking
                    /b/. Now man up and quit being a
                    faggot, and continue to be yourself
                    and make her laugh.

          Brad furrows his brow, staring at his iPhone. After a
          moment, Catelyn returns and sits her own iPhone in front of
          her. Brad looks at it, then up at her questioningly.

                              BRAD
                    Do you have internet on your phone?

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah. Why?

                              BRAD
                    Did you...I don't know. Just
                    wondering.

          Catelyn grins awkwardly and continues eating.

          INT. BRAD'S HOUSE - EVENING CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, MOM

          Brad and Catelyn are sitting on the couch, silent. Brad's
          mom is sitting opposite them, silent. You can cut the
          tension and awkwardness in the air with a knife.

                              MOM
                    So are you a sophomore, Catelyn?

                              CATELYN
                    No, I'll be a freshman.

                              MOM
                    Oh, okay. Where are you going.

                              CATELYN
                    UC Davis.

                              MOM
                    Oh. Well what, um, what is your
                    interest?

                              CATELYN
                         (pause)
                    Teleportation.

          Long pause. Brad explodes with laughter. Catelyn stays
          stoic, looking at Mom. Mom smiles awkwardly.

                              MOM
                    Well, I was thinking more of your
                    major.

                              CATELYN
                    Wait, that's not a major? (Brad
                    laugh again)

          Mom blinks a lot, continuing the awkward grin.

                              MOM
                    So, Brad tells me you are working
                    this summer?

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah.

                              MOM
                    That's nice. So where do you work?

                              CATELYN
                    In the fantasy store.

                              MOM
                    Fantasy store?

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah, we sell imaginary things. You
                    know? Like, the other day, I sold
                    an imaginary battleship. An
                    imaginary person bought it.

                              MOM
                    Really? (smiles awkwardly again,
                    trying in vain to understand the
                    joke)

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah, the fantasy store doesn't
                    actually exist. I invented it.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah, isn't this house imaginary
                    too?

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah, I dreamed it. You are
                    actually figments of my
                    imagination. It's quite fantastic.
                    In fact, this is almost as cool as
                    that imaginary battleship I sold.
                    For a trillion dollars. To
                    imaginary astronaut Elvis-Jesus.

                              BRAD
                    Oh, he was an astronaut?

                              CATELYN
                    No, not a real astronaut. Remember,
                    he wasn't real.

                              BRAD
                    Oh yeah. I forgot.

          Mom is visibly frustrated.

                              MOM
                    So you live in Roseville? Do you
                    live with both parents?

                              CATELYN
                    Actually, I live with my mom and my
                    step-dad.

                              MOM
                    Oh, that's nice. Do you have any
                    siblings.

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah, I have two sisters. My
                    step-dad has three sons. When he
                    moved in with us and my mom a
                    couple of years ago, we moved into
                    a big house, with this really nice
                    housekeeper.

                              MOM
                    Oh, that's great.

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah. We knew it would work out
                    really well. You could say it was
                    much more than a hunch.

          There is a pause. Mom suddenly realizes what is happening
          and visibly reacts.

                              CATELYN
                    That's the way we all became-

                              MOM
                    Well Brad, I'm almost late for
                    bowling. I've got to run. It was
                    great meeting you Catelyn.

                              CATELYN
                    Yes, ma'am.

                              MOM
                    You kids don't get into trouble
                    while I'm gone.

          Mom disappears into a back bedroom. Brad looks at Catelyn,
          still silently laughing. She strains to keep her straight
          face, then finally bursts into silent laughter. Mom returns.

                              MOM
                    Be back late, Brad.

                              BRAD
                    Yeah. Just make sure you and your
                    friends don't get into trouble.
                    Bunch of hooligans.

                              MOM
                    Ha.

          Mom scurries out the door. Scene shifts to Brad's room. The
          lights are out, and the two are playing Halo. Camera pans to
          the screen, and Brad's character is hiding behind a wall,
          peeking around.

                              BRAD
                    Where are you?

                              CATELYN
                    Nowhere.

          Brad's Halo character slowly peeks around the corner.

                              CATELYN
                    Hello.

          The camera zooms out to show Catelyn's character right
          behind him with the laser sword.

                              CATELYN
                    Hello. I am Inigo Montoya. You
                    killed my father. Prepare to die.

          Her character swings the sword and his character dies
          instantly.

                              CATELYN
                    God, you're bad at this game.

                              BRAD
                    Shut up. Halo is just a chick game
                    anyway.

                              CATELYN
                    Whatever. You're stupid.

                              BRAD
                    So did you know that if I married
                    you that my name would be Brad
                    Wilson.

                              CATELYN
                    But you're a guy...I hate you.
                    (pause) So if Halo is a chick game,
                    then what's a manly guy game?

                              BRAD
                    Gears of War, obviously.

                              CATELYN
                    Yeah right. You're just whining
                    because you got beat by a girl.

                              BRAD
                    You're just making excuses because
                    you use power weapons.

                              CATELYN
                    So it's some type of moral
                    high-road to abstain from using the
                    sword. You're a little girl. I beat
                    your ass, and now you don't have
                    anything to do but whine. Maybe you
                    shouldn't be so fucking bad and you
                    might-

          Brad kisses her. Both are very awkward; it is obvious that
          this is their first kiss. She is surprised and, after a
          second, pulls away.

                              CATELYN
                    When does your mom get back?

                              BRAD
                    I think she's already here.

                              CATELYN
                    Really?

                              BRAD
                    No. She's probably at the bar
                    drinking right now.

                              CATELYN
                    So you kissed me to shut me up?
                    Because you're terrible at Halo?

                              BRAD
                    No. It just felt like the time.

          Catelyn looks at him for a moment, then smiles a little.
          Music begins, and the two begin to kiss again as the scene
          ends.

The End

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