INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING CHARACTERS: CATELYN, BRAD
The two are seated in a booth in a restaurant. Catelyn is
staring at her food while eating and Brad is eating as well,
glancing up at Catelyn regularly.
So, am I going to meet this fabled
Yeah, one day. She...well...she
hates Anonymous and internet stuff.
So she would hate me because I make
internet jokes sometimes?
It would bother her.
Well, she...I...I think I need to
tell you something.
Brad freezes in the middle of eating.
Have you heard of Pocky? Like, the
youtube videos that were on /b/?
Yeah of course. That was a big deal
like a year ago. People DDoS-ed the
chans a few times and crashed a
couple of servers I think. Why do
you mention that?
Well...I...(picking at food
awkwardly) I am Pocky.
Brad pauses, thinking.
Yeah, I thought so. I was
You were? (looks confused about his
Yeah, you look like Pocky
obviously. Except with less
eyeliner. You look better.
Why didn't you just ask me? You
didn't think I would tell you the
Well...I was worried.
I was worried that you might think
I only like you because you're,
like, an internet celebrity.
So you don't?
No. I like the regular you.
Sarcasm, and less eyeliner, and
Wow, that's...that's really honest
of you. Why aren't guys more direct
I don't know. I don't...I...I don't
usually talk to very many girls.
Catelyn continues to pick at her food. Long awkward silence
begins. After a period, Catelyn rises.
Catelyn walks away. Brad takes a deep breath, sullen. He
pulls out his iPhone and the camera pans to him posting a
(inner dialogue) Alright, /b/,
advice thread. I'm starting a
relationship with this girl, and
she's super cool, and I've been
doing okay so far. But I just told
her that I usually never talk to
girls, and I think I scared her off
and made myself look like a
basement-dweller faggot. What do
Shows Brad scrolling through the responses. He stops on one,
which is a serious response amidst a sea of trolls.
(inner dialogue, Catelyn's voice)
Hey, fem-anon here. If I were the
girl, I would tell you how great
you are, and how you shouldn't
worry too much. This girl obviously
knows what she's getting into, and
she doesn't mind the fact that
you're probably a virgin and you
spend most of your time lurking
/b/. Now man up and quit being a
faggot, and continue to be yourself
and make her laugh.
Brad furrows his brow, staring at his iPhone. After a
moment, Catelyn returns and sits her own iPhone in front of
her. Brad looks at it, then up at her questioningly.
Do you have internet on your phone?
Did you...I don't know. Just
Catelyn grins awkwardly and continues eating.
INT. BRAD'S HOUSE - EVENING CHARACTERS: BRAD, CATELYN, MOM
Brad and Catelyn are sitting on the couch, silent. Brad's
mom is sitting opposite them, silent. You can cut the
tension and awkwardness in the air with a knife.
So are you a sophomore, Catelyn?
No, I'll be a freshman.
Oh, okay. Where are you going.
Oh. Well what, um, what is your
Long pause. Brad explodes with laughter. Catelyn stays
stoic, looking at Mom. Mom smiles awkwardly.
Well, I was thinking more of your
Wait, that's not a major? (Brad
Mom blinks a lot, continuing the awkward grin.
So, Brad tells me you are working
That's nice. So where do you work?
In the fantasy store.
Yeah, we sell imaginary things. You
know? Like, the other day, I sold
an imaginary battleship. An
imaginary person bought it.
Really? (smiles awkwardly again,
trying in vain to understand the
Yeah, the fantasy store doesn't
actually exist. I invented it.
Yeah, isn't this house imaginary
Yeah, I dreamed it. You are
actually figments of my
imagination. It's quite fantastic.
In fact, this is almost as cool as
that imaginary battleship I sold.
For a trillion dollars. To
imaginary astronaut Elvis-Jesus.
Oh, he was an astronaut?
No, not a real astronaut. Remember,
he wasn't real.
Oh yeah. I forgot.
Mom is visibly frustrated.
So you live in Roseville? Do you
live with both parents?
Actually, I live with my mom and my
Oh, that's nice. Do you have any
Yeah, I have two sisters. My
step-dad has three sons. When he
moved in with us and my mom a
couple of years ago, we moved into
a big house, with this really nice
Oh, that's great.
Yeah. We knew it would work out
really well. You could say it was
much more than a hunch.
There is a pause. Mom suddenly realizes what is happening
and visibly reacts.
That's the way we all became-
Well Brad, I'm almost late for
bowling. I've got to run. It was
great meeting you Catelyn.
You kids don't get into trouble
while I'm gone.
Mom disappears into a back bedroom. Brad looks at Catelyn,
still silently laughing. She strains to keep her straight
face, then finally bursts into silent laughter. Mom returns.
Be back late, Brad.
Yeah. Just make sure you and your
friends don't get into trouble.
Bunch of hooligans.
Mom scurries out the door. Scene shifts to Brad's room. The
lights are out, and the two are playing Halo. Camera pans to
the screen, and Brad's character is hiding behind a wall,
Where are you?
Brad's Halo character slowly peeks around the corner.
The camera zooms out to show Catelyn's character right
behind him with the laser sword.
Hello. I am Inigo Montoya. You
killed my father. Prepare to die.
Her character swings the sword and his character dies
God, you're bad at this game.
Shut up. Halo is just a chick game
Whatever. You're stupid.
So did you know that if I married
you that my name would be Brad
But you're a guy...I hate you.
(pause) So if Halo is a chick game,
then what's a manly guy game?
Gears of War, obviously.
Yeah right. You're just whining
because you got beat by a girl.
You're just making excuses because
you use power weapons.
So it's some type of moral
high-road to abstain from using the
sword. You're a little girl. I beat
your ass, and now you don't have
anything to do but whine. Maybe you
shouldn't be so fucking bad and you
Brad kisses her. Both are very awkward; it is obvious that
this is their first kiss. She is surprised and, after a
second, pulls away.
When does your mom get back?
I think she's already here.
No. She's probably at the bar
drinking right now.
So you kissed me to shut me up?
Because you're terrible at Halo?
No. It just felt like the time.
Catelyn looks at him for a moment, then smiles a little.
Music begins, and the two begin to kiss again as the scene
INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING CHARACTERS: CATELYN, BRAD