Every person has a weakness. Some people only have one, and some people have more.
My weakness is insecurity. Well.. one of them anyway.
I try to find things I'm good at and just focus on that until I am happy and that I admit to myself that I can do great things. But when someone else comes along and does the same thing I love, comparisons are somewhat automatically engaged in my brain.
I know I should not be affected by how people look at me, how people think I am. But I just can't help it. I hate it, I hate this side of me, this paranoid and insecure me. Even though I seem happy and shallow most of the time, that's just because I brush it off and rarely let it be seen. I always think my feelings are not important. That I shouldn't just go on and tell people about it so that I don't scare them away.
I also have this burning curiosity.
What does this have to do with my insecurities, you ask?
Well my burning curiosity is mostly the reason I feel insecure. I just really want to know about things but sometimes I hate it that I know too much because if I hadn't known in the first place, I wouldn't be insecure like this.
I'm guessing that what you just read seems so messed up. That's because my feelings are messed up. I just found out about something that made me insecure. it's threatening to take away the source of happiness I have left these days.
So considering that I let out some stuff, I guess I kind of feel fine now. But I will never look at that person the same again. Maybe I should calm down and pretend like I never read any of that crap. I should continue where my happiness left off.