The next patient walked in, scratching his head, adjusting his glasses and looking all around.
“Please come in Mr..” Dr Fraud offered to shake his hand, but he stood silently for an instant, unsure what to do.
Dr Fraud looked in his appointment calendar. “Aah, Professor Brainard. So, what can I do for you, sir?”
“Err, I thought this was the dean’s office.”
“No Mr Brainard, I’m Dr Fraud, and this is my office.”
“Aah yes, Dr Fraud. I knew I was forgetting something. You see, I was referred to you by Bethany Peterson. She is one of my students.”
Recalling the duel he had with Bethany and of those voices in her head wanting to kill him, he braced for what he was up against next.
“Bethany said you were a good plumber.”
“No, Mr Brainard, I’m not a plumber. I’m a psychiatrist. Now, what did you come to see me for?” he asked, and then added, “Never mind, I get it. Please, have a seat.”
“Thank you. Yes, yes, I’m sorry, so you’re Dr Fraud, the great psychiatrist from Vienna. You see, I think I’m sometimes forgetful.”
“Yes, you see, it’s my kitchen sink. I called a plumber, but he saw the water bursting and ran away, scared. Some people are crazy, eh?”
“Tell me about it.” He sighed. “So why are you telling me this, Mr Brainard?”
“Oh dear, here I go again. I thought I was talking to Bill, the other plumber. So, can you help me doc?”
“Help you with what, Mr Brainard?”
“Geez, doc, aren’t you forgetting something? We’re talking about my absent-mindedness.”
Dr Fraud sat up. “Of course, Professor. So tell me, when did you first begin to notice this absent-mindedness?”
“Well doc, some years ago, I discovered this formula for a chemical that can defy gravity. Not entirely, but when applied to shoes, it allowed the wearer to leap over tall buildings. There was this chap, a fine young man. He wanted to try it, and out of excitement, leaped too high and knocked his head on a wall. The poor fellow has gone crazy since then, and keeps saying that the sky is going to fall on his head.”
“So what happened to that chemical?”
“I lost the formula, doc. I tried re-creating it without success. I can’t remember where I kept it.”
“So what do you suggest, doc?”
“Okay, Professor Brainard. I’m going to hypnotize you for a bit. Now, I want you to lie down and relax. Close your eyes.”
“Now take a deep breath. I want you to go back to the time when you first discovered this formula.”
“Never mind. Just close your eyes and relax.”
Silence. He was in deep sleep.
“Now, where are you Professor Brainard?”
“Professor Brainard, can you hear me? Where are you?”
Dr Fraud sighed. “Hypnosis not working.” He typed into his notebook.
“Professor Brainard, wake up!” he shook him up violently.
Brainard woke up with a yawn, looking puzzled with no recollection as to what happened in his sleep.
“All right, time is up, professor. I will see you again next week.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” he said as he walked to the door.
“My kitchen sink.”
“Please Professor, I’m a psychiatrist. My secretary will set you up for your appointment next week.”
Dr Fraud fell back on his chair. “I need a break.” He said to himself. He would take a long vacation soon, somewhere in peace and quiet where he wouldn’t be bothered by anyone.