The window dresser from Selfridges

He entered the office like a mouse but moved like a cat. An obese persian. He quickly appraised the office and then Dr. Fraud. He muttered the word " Argyle" like it was obsenity. Dr. Freud looked down at his sweater vest. Style had never been his thing but this was designer...or at least that's what the salesgirl said. The man smoothed his jacket and strolled to Dr. Fraud's desk.

" Ethan Embridge pleased to make your aquintance" Ethan shook Dr. Fraud's hand rather formally.

Dr. Fraud raised his eyebrows and ushered to the leather couch. Ethan started appraising the office from that location. Clearing seeing no flaw he turned back towards Dr. Fraud.

Dr. Freud turned over his hourglass and shook his notebook awake. It was snoring rather loudly. His notebook responded by switching the keyboard to spanish. Dr. Fraud sighed and threaten to get a desk top computer.

Ethan looked expectantly at Doctor Fraud " Aren't you suppose to ask me questions or something?"

Dr. Fraud said acidedly " I was getting to that. Computer troubles I'm afraid but onward and upward. You are the window dresser at Selfridges? Are you seeking therpy from that tramatic incidient?"

" I'll say it was tramatic with knees like that she shouldn't have been wearing a mini skirt. But that's not why I'm here...I heard fashion disaster Barbie was going here so I thought what the heck, I've got benfits" Ethan said shrugging his shoulders

The only problem Fraud could visiably see was the man was an @$$#ole. The man was probably in denial about it too...

" So your problem is..."

Ethan covered his face with his manicured hands " I'm too gay!" He sobbed " It was fine before, everyone loved the flaming homo but now..."

Dr. Fraud shook the hourglass. And then said very fatherly " Rejection can be hard"

" Doctor, you have to help me! I need to become more Queer eye and less Will and Grace. Everyone wants a straight gay man. Old ladies don't even fawn over me anymore"

Ethan pulled out a monogramed silk hanky and blew his nose and then neatly folded it in his pocket. He looked like he had regained some of his composure.

Dr. Fraud cleared his throat " Ethan, I think I can cure you of your denial"

Ethan jumped from the couch and clapped his hand enthusastically.

" Fantastic!" He squealed

" I think one or two electric shock treatments will rid you of your  straight denial. Then I will introduce you to a lovely woman named Bethany. You'll love her. How does next Wednesday sound?"

Dr. Fraud opened his appointment book and started penciling him in. Ethan stood there stupified. He shook himself out of it as Doctor Fraud said " You might not want to bathe before or right after a session"

" Wait...Your going to convert me...!" Ethan's face scurnched up like he had just eaten a lemon.

" Congradulations Ethan you skipped despair and went right into anger. Now that your past the denial. This is going to move much quicker" Dr. Fraud said rather condescendingly

Ethan inturrpted " I'm not in denial I'm gay. I don't like women. I don't hate them..."

Dr. Fraud clicked his tongue " Now, don't go backwards Ethan" He signed " I can see this is going to be difficult"

Dr. Fraud opened his desk and pulled out a dvd. He walked over to Ethan and handed him the dvd. Ethan looked at the title questioningly.

" This should explain everything" Dr. Fraud replied " I understand you younger people enjoy the raunchier ones"

Ethan muttered " Your giving me a porn video?"

"  Your going to have to start practice doing straight male things including objectifing women over the age of eighteen" He explained

" Oh look times up I guess this will have to wait until  next..." Ethan trailed off " Well, anyway that was interesting...."

Ethan gave Doctor Fraud a quick wave and ran out the door. Doctor Fraud peered at the couch. He saw the dvd was still there. Ethan had forgot this dvd. Oh well Dr Fraud would just mail it to him along with his bill...

The End

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