The schizophrenic salesman

Dr Fraud was cranky. Bethany had destroyed his egg timer something about hidden cameras and area 51.Anyway it was sliced and diced.He asked his secartary to pick up a new timer she came back with a fruit loops watch with a timer. She said she didn't care if he was the Pope she was not clock shopping on her lunch break. Her christmas bonus was going to buy a nice liberty bell timer on ebay.

Where was his next patient? Dr. Fraud quickly grew impatient. He cleared his throat and pressed his intercom button " Next, Please" He said icely.

Howard entered his office like a bull in a china shop. He ran over to Fraud's desk and slapped down a blue grey vaccum. Dr Fraud raised his eyes brows as Howard petted the appliance.

He whistled and said " Ain't she a beauty. Never clogs up and cheaper than that dyson thingy"

" What happened to the pocket ice maker?" Fraud asked

Howard slightly shivered " It was an instrument of reverse global warming"

Howard was always cooking up some sort of conspiracy. After 9 11 Howard's  wife noticed something wasn't right...Since then Howard had an appointment every Wednesday. And every Wednesday he would bring a new gadget.

" I see you eyeing her. Go ahead she likes the attention. Oh did I mention she's an air purifer too. TWO times better than those heba filter thingy's " Howard winked

" She?" Dr. Fraud asked

" He, she, it, Doesnt matter. All that matters is cleaning these dirty floors"

Howard started unwinding the plug. Dr. Freud griminced and grabbed Howards hand.

" Please don't" He muttered

" But you'll miss the show" Howard whined

" How about you sit down first and tell me why you got rid of the ice maker" Dr, Fraud suggested

He sighed contently as he watched Howard sink into the couch. Dr Fraud looked over the vaccum at Howard.

Howard cleared his throat " Like I said before instrument of reverse global warming. It was  all small and sneaky. Ready to be conivient or ready to bring us back to the ice age?"

Dr Fraud peaked at his fruit loop watch five minutes...

" And the vaccum is safer?" Dr. Fraud asked

" Oh yeah. Two installments of 29.99 and this baby is yours"  Howard stood up eaggerly.

Four minutes...

" Howard please sit down..."

" I need to show you the attachments..."

" After..." Dr Fraud said absently " Tell me Howard do you think this vaccum is a baby?"

" Don't insult the machinary doctor. This machine is the grand daddy of dust busting" Howard said insulted

Three minutes...

"  So it's a grand father? Howard do you have a good relationship with your grand father?"

" My Grandfather had all wood floors he used a broom...but im sure if he wasn't paralyzed from the waist down and in a nursing home this would the machine for him. " Howard said absently

Two minutes...

" Next week Howard I want you to bring back the vaccum. Do not bring anything else..."

Howard interrupted excitedly " Will you buy it then?"

" What does it come with?" Dr Fraud humored him

" A car vac and a mini furniture vac" Howard waved an order form in his face. Then he grabed a nearby pen and started waving that too.

" Bring it back next week" Fraud said as he gently folded the order form and used the watch as a paper weight. Fraud grabbed the pen and neatly tucked it in his drawer.

Howard dropped the vaccum and dragged it by the hose. He gave a slight salute and  slamed open the door. Out he went .

Dr. Fraud signed contently and put his feet on his desk another satisfied customer.

The End

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