The plumber with a fear of water

Dr. Fraud’s head snapped up as he awoke with a start. What on earth had disturbed his afternoon nap?

“… and then the pipe burst, right in front of those kids, and I started screaming and screaming as the water… oh my God, the water was everywhere Doc! And the kids were just staring at me like…”

Ah yes, Joe was still carrying on about his latest incident. Dr. Fraud hid a head splitting yawn behind his Notebook and glanced at the Father Time Hourglass timer on his desk. He really did miss the faux-Faberge egg-timer; such a shame that the incident with the egg fearing chicken farmer had to have ended like that.

Right, the timer. Five more minutes to go before he would be able to go for his fifteen minute coffee break - if he was really quiet about it he could leave early and Joe wouldn’t even notice. He usually didn’t. Heck, the timer rarely stopped his ramblings.

“So what do you think I should do?”

“I’m sorry?” This was highly unusual. The plumber never asked for advice; his time always ran out before any of his stories could finish. It had been this way for the last two years.

“Come on Doc, you gotta help me! I can’t keep this up, I’m a nervous wreck!” Joe whined pathetically.

“Yes, well I’m sure that whole election business took a lot out of you,” Dr. Fraud nodded sagely.


“Don’t be,” the doctor said kindly, “I’m sure it wasn’t your doing anyway. The press can be most manipulative.” He stole a glance at the timer. “But please, continue with your tale of woe.”

“I’m done talking,” Joe snapped. “Now it’s your turn - you gotta fix me! What kind of plumber is afraid of water? I can’t hide it from the Plumber’s Association for much longer and when they find out I’m finished!”

“Well,” Dr. Fraud said slowly, stretching out the word so that it sounded more like a paragraph as he watched the timer out of the corner of his eye, “I would have to say that the solution to your dilemma, if I may call it such?”

“Yes, yes, go on!”

“Would be, it is fair to say,” he continued at a glacial pace, “I should think that…”


“Oh thank goodness,” Dr. Fraud mumbled as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.


“Nothing, nothing at all,” the doctor said with a comforting smile. “Unfortunately we’re all out of time for this week. If you’ll make another appointment on your way out we’ll be sure to have plenty of time to cover a solution next time.”

Joe lurched off the couch in a huff and stormed out of Dr. Fraud’s office without a word. Dr. Fraud relaxed visibly, knowing that by the following week more incidents were sure to have occurred to fill up the next session without any need for his participation.

The End

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