Have you ever felt yourself lose control? That ONE moment, when it you can point to it and say very clearly,
"Everything is going to explode in my face, right now."
The way I live is a series of miniature nuclear explosions going off in my head, dogs pawing on the ground,sweaty commoners running to the streets.
And then silence covers it in a hush.
and of course, once it goes silent....Calm seeps into and through my veins and me, I'm like a druggie, a junkie, I get a rush. There is never enough though.
miniature nuclear explosions going off in my head, dogs pawing on the ground,sweaty commoners running to the streets.
The calm never lasts too long. I drink it like a parched prisoner and then I have to deal with an empty canteen.....
I've found longer strings of calm in the flat end of a cigarette and the sharp end of a book. I feel foreign in the mirror, but in school I'm still human. They accept me.
I can only hope and pray that these pockets of calm will last me, and that nobody can see through me, inside my head.