On the way home, as you can imagine, my head was in turmoil. I think you must have picked up on it, as the coach journey was spent in silence. The only sound you made was a gentle sigh as I lay my head on your shoulders. I pulled my coat over us, and you grabbed my legs with yours. I wasn't really asleep, I was just pretending so we had to stay like that for the 3 hours it took to get home. My back was agony, but it was worth it for you.
I got off the coach and left without saying a word. Climbed into my dad's car, and didn't even register getting home. Before I knew it, I was in my bed crying. I thought there was no chance that you felt the same. I just keep thinking of what you would say if you knew, what everyone else would say if they knew. I'll be honest, I was completely ashamed, and part of me still is.
I did try to avoid you the next week at school, but you weren't having any of it. You kept following me around with that hurt look on your face, and by Wednesday I gave in. Good job as well, Stacy's sleepover was the following weekend. And I knew, I just knew that was when everything was going to change.
It was fun. We played Twister, and watched bad films. Well, the other's watched. We sat and made sarcastic comments about the films, and laughed far too loudly. About 2 a.m. they all settled down to sleep, but I just couldn't get comfy on the sofa I was lying on. I was far too warm, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how you were lying in your sleeping bag, just under me. I watched you sleep for a while, you looked so peaceful and sweet. After about half an hour I realised what I was doing. That's why I left the room, and walked out the back door into Stacy's garden.
You followed almost immediately, so I guess all the time I was watching you, you weren't really asleep. You saw how I was shivering, and wrapped your arms around me. Then somehow I was sitting on your lap with your head on my shoulder's. Something took over me. All I could think about was your lips, and how much I wanted them. It hurt so badly not closing that gap between us. So that's why I kissed you. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have. I've ruined everything. If you can't stand the sight of me, it's okay. I don't know what this is, but hopefully know you'll understand at least.
Love, Jessica x