I looked at the clock on my nightstand, it read 1:05am. Vlad and Shelby must be having a good time without me there to bring the mood down. I decided it was time to go to bed so I threw the book I had been reading on the floor and turned the light out. About 5 minutes after doing so Vlad and Shelby barged into the room loud as hell and I so was not going to interrupt them so I just acting as if I was sleeping. But then they missed his bed and went straight for mine. I could feel them taking their clothes off so I grabbed my pillow and blanket but before I was out the door I looked back at them and they were starring at me shocked.
"Really are you that shocked to find that I'm in my room in my bed? Jeez if your gonna fuck do it in you own bed or warn me. Douche bags." And with that I was out the door and down to the rec room.
I was fuming. It was one thing to fuck someone while I'm in the room but to do it in my bed while I'm in it is just wrong in so many ways. When I reached the rec room and no one was in it I sighed with relief and made a makeshift bed on the couch. After I was comfortable I turned the tv on to Undeclared luckily it was one of the few good shows that came on in the middle of the night. That and Freaks and Geeks. I was only a few minutes into the show when Vlad picked my feet up, sat down, then put them back down onto his legs. I didn't look at him, I was still pissed.
"Whatcha watchin?" He said sheepishly
I sighed "Undeclared."
"Cool. Whats it about?"
"Ughh Vlad, seriously small talk."
"Wellll I'm sorry Rinn! I didn't..."
I cut him off "You didn't think I'd be in the room at one o'clock in the fucking morning?! Vlad come on be smarter than that. But more so, IN MY BED! What the hell Vlad. What the hell."
"Fuck you Vlad. "
He sighed. "Rinn are you really that mad at me it?"
I didn't answer him for a minute because I wanted to say yes but I knew that wasn't the truth. "No." I sighed and looked at him. " Truth is I'm kinda jealous of how happy you are here. Making friends. Fitting in. That just pissed me off what you did. that was just gross."
"The only reason you don't have any other friends is because you shut people out. Hell I've only been here a month and have heard more about you from other people than I have from you. And I know what they're saying is just rumors. But thats because you don't talk to them. They assume things."
"And I don't talk to them because they assume things. God your starting to sound like a parent or worse Josh." I laughed.
Vlad just looked at me concerned. "Look, I want to set you up with someone. I don't know what he's in here for but he reminds me of you. He's cool, I think you'll like him."
"Fine but I'm still introducing you to him sometime."
"Your just going to say no to whatever I say aren't you?"
"Wanna give me a blowjob?"
"So um, are we good."
I looked at him. I wanted to be in Shelby's position so badly. To be able to be in his arms and for it to mean something more than friendship. For him to act like a concerned boyfriend instead of a concerned older brother. I want him to fall in love with me in this crazy place. For him to save me from myself. But that would never happen, I would never be more than a good friend to him. I would always just be that crazy girl he befriended in the psych ward.
I sighed. "Yeah, we're good."
He smiled and got up but didn't leave, just starred at me.
"What? I'm not coming back to the room tonight."
"It's not that." He sat back down."I thought you stopped cutting."
I looked down at my arm and quickly pulled up my sleeve. "I never said I stopped."
"Does Josh know?"
"Does Josh know what?" Josh walked from the doorway and to the back of the couch.
"N-nothing." I stammered and Vlad gave me a concerned look.
"I heard Rinn. No need to hide it. I was walking by and over heard you two so don't give me that look."
I looked to Vlad for help but before I knew it Josh was pulling down my sleeves and pushed them up all the way to my shoulders. My arms were covered in scars overlapping, most of them being from me. I looked at Vlad and his eyes widened. He's lived with me for over a month and this is the first time he's seen the scars. Josh just shook his head sadly.
"Vlad, go to your room I have to talk to Rinn."
"Uhhh o-okay." Vlad left as fast as he could trying his best not to stare and Josh too his place on the couch beside me.
"Josh please don't lecture me. It's not like I'm going to kill myself. It just helps me."
Josh looked like he was about to cry. "Why won't you let me help you Rinn? Why must it come to this. Why do I feel like I have to punish you to get you to listen."
"YOUR GONNA PUNISH ME?! Why?? I refuse to scrub toilets."
"Calm down Rinn. All's I'm going to do is make you where short sleeved shirts for a week."
He looked at me with sadness in his eyes. Maybe Vlad was right, maybe he did love me. I just didn't know whether this was a good or bad thing.