Red Ball Overload

Mr. Kincaid didn't come this week.  He didn't come last week either. 

Miss Cameron said he got in trouble for what he did. She said he shouldn't have shown me the pictures he did and that he was getting reviewed for it.  That sounds bad.  Miss Cameron said Mr. Kincaid had a man-date and that what he wants isn't the same thing she wants.  But the people he works for paid for the opration, so we have to be nice to him, but it doesn't mean we have to do things that make us feel bad.

Like the other day. It was Saturday morning and I was sitting in the common room with a coloring  book trying to color inside the lines.  They gave me pencils instead of crayons, so I had to be extra careful.  And I was.  At least for a bit.  But Allie and Jody started playing with the TV and they had the volume up reelly loud and I couldn't think and I asked them to turn it down but they ignored me and laughed.  It was stupid show with a man in a dinosaur costume singing a stupid song.  And I saw the pictures in their heads and it was just like the one on TV and they didn't even see me even when I asked them to turn it down nicely.  I could see that they didn't see me.  I yelled at them, but only the stupid dinosaur-man was there and I got so mad that I just wanted them to shut up 'cause I started getting tense and coloring outside the lines and they kept laughing. 

So I made them shut up. 

I put a picture in their heads of them with a red ball in their mouth, with big wide eyes in front of TV with no sound, and I made the picture and I pushed it so hard it made my nose bleed. 

That's when Miss Cameron came in. I don't think she noticed at first 'cause I didn't make the TV quiet, but Allie and Jody didn't speak to anyone until after lunch.  Miss Cameron told me that Allie cried all day and Jody couldn't sleep without the light on anymore. 

I think I did it to them. 

I felt really bad and angry and sad.  And I kinda thought I was a bad person and maybe the kind of person Mr. Kincaide wanted me to be, and that made me sadder. I didn't tell Miss Cameron what I did because I didn't want her angree with me.  But I think she knew.    She kinda looked at me diffrently.

She came to me in my room the next day and st down on my bed and held my hand for a long time without saying anything.  Her pictures were sad and foggy.  

"You're a person, Jeffy."  Miss Cameron said to me after a while.  "You don't have to do anything you don't want to.  You always have a choice.  What Kincaid showed you was wrong.  I should have stopped him.  I'm sorry."

I wanted to tell her right then, but I was still sort of scared that if she found out I could see other people pictures, she would stop.  She had this picture of me, deep inside, of a smiling boy with flowers.  And I didn't want to ruin that picture by coloring outside the lines.

"You can always say no, Jeffy.  It's what makes us grown-ups.  You have to be able to say no."

The End

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