"IKE"

Farnk’s Journal

October 31, 2008

I joined facebook today. I saw a lot of people I knew, facebook is becoming more popular than myspace. I saw a lot of stuff about a hurricane that’s coming, they’re calling it “Ike”. What a goofy name, I would name a hurricane something scary in latin because hearing someone speak latin is terrifying. I’m a little worried about the hurricane, I think it won’t be as bad as they think it will be. I hate kids, I didn’t give any kids candy tonight.

September 1, 2008

I didn’t really do anything today, I slept a lot, even at work. I had a banana for dinner, I had a hamburger patty for lunch and for breakfast I had five fat chickens.

September 2, 2008

I'm 41 years old and I have a journal, I am such loser. My mother even hates me, I don’t even know why. Everybody is saying that Ike is going to be a real disaster, I hope it is, so it will put me out of my misery.

September 3, 2008

I didn’t kill myself, I decided I needed a girl. I found a girl named Jerry, we went on a date, I told her I have superpowers, she didn’t believe me, after that she went home. I went home sad. I played with a knife.

September 4, 2008

The storm has gotten pretty funky, I am not going into detail because I’m real tired tonight.

 

September 5, 2008

I’ve noticed some of the animals are missing, Bordy has been acting weird. He’s been dodging conversations. I went into the store today and noticed a lack of animals, when I asked him why there wasn’t very many animals, he just was like, “I don’t know”, in a suspicious voice.

 

September 6, 2008

When I was on Facebook today, I noticed how LaQuandrama hadn’t been on social media in a while, I know her pretty well, she likes to keep up with people’s business. I hope she’s okay. If there's something wrong with her, then I will probably help her.

 

September 7, 2008

I went to Bordy’s pet store, almost all the animals weren’t there, it’s like they just disappeared. I’m getting suspicious, Bordy is not usually selling animals this fast. I wonder if he is killing the animals? I'll check it out tomorrow. The weather was pretty bad today, I saw a trampoline just rolling across the street. If this weather don’t get good soon people might die.

 

September 8, 2008

It’s 9:30, people are saying “We’re all gonna die.”They are also saying “The hurricane is coming.” A hurricane is coming, but people are making too big of deal. It is getting worse though, people's houses are falling. Bordy’s pet shop is really close to the coast, I am ten miles out of the shore.     

 

September 9, 2008

I went to talk to LaQuandrama she had some really bad bruises on her calves and arms, I wonder if J’Quan has anything to do with it. Later, while I was at her house, she told me J’Quan’s been hurting her. I am going to talk to him tomorrow. She also said he has been doing some illegal things. If she told anybody, J’Quan said he would kill her. Now I am really going to talk to him.   

 

September 10, 2008

I woke up thinking of going to the store, but then I remembered I have to talk to J’Quan. I rode my bike over to J’Quan’s, I wanted to exercise. Of course the wind current was stronger because of the storm, but I pushed through. J’Quan was there, the first thing I said was “What are you doing with LaQuandrama”? He was like “huh”, he said “I don’t have time for your crap Farnk”. I stopped and said “If you keep hurting her, I’m going to start hurting you”. I rode my bike home proudly. I had one chicken for dinner, I’m on a diet.        

 

September 11, 2008

I drove to J’Quan’s  house he wasn’t there. So I drove to the store to get food, it was all fallen down, the storm destroyed it. I had to go to the gas station by my house, I got some Gummy Bears, cookie crisp cereal, and a monster drink. If I die because of the storm, I want to be in a diabetic coma when it happens. The storm is getting worse, my streets are starting to get more flooded. The news lady said that the water level is going to get up to five feet where I live. I went to J’Quan’s again, he still wasn’t there. I hope I scared him off. I went to LaQuandrama’s house, I told her I ran over J’Quan’s foot. She said that J’Quan came over and almost killed me, but she fought back. I told her “That’s it, Imma get this fool”, I need to plan it out tomorrow. So I went to the gas station, got some gas, a big ‘ole package of duct tape and an umbrella.         

 

September 12. 2008

I ate my gummy bears, when I woke up. Today was probably the worst day of Ike. I saw a car on top of another car, it was pretty cool. Later at 12:00 I got my umbrella and duct tape and I went to J’Quan’s. But before I got there, I saw Bordy carrying big bags, I went over to ask him if he wanted help and he was like “nah, it’s all good in the hood”, I still went over there to see what he was doing and, I saw a dog paw sticking out of one of the bags, I pretended I didn’t see anything but I saw more than I bargained for. I power walked my pretty butt all the way to J’Quan’s house. I went in through the window by his bedroom and I duct taped his forehead to his bed and started asking him questions like, “why you messing with a woman? You’re better than that J’Quan.” He was like “man, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I couldn’t have. I haven’t spoke to her in a week.” I was like “man, I’m sorry, you want some Ben & Jerry’s?” He was cool with me from then on.

 

September 13, 2008

I woke and ate a cake, it was nice. So I went to check on LaQuandrama, to see if she was okay. I walked in a saw that she still had her bruises, but there was a new bruise on her face. She also showed me her new tattoo, I don’t know why. It said “I’m acting like I’m getting beat by J’Quan, but I am not actually, I just wanted to end the relationship in a way where he wouldn’t try to get me back. I just wanted to be with Liam. He said he would give me a lot of money, plus, he’s a pimp.” “What”, I said. “Who is beating you then”? I said angered. She replied with “Booyyyyy! You think Imma let some man put his hands on me, you crazy. I’m just super good at make-up.” I didn’t know what to do, I offered her some Ben & Jerry’s, she accepted.

 

September 14, 2008

I went to the pet shop with my duct tape and I was going to get Bordy, but as I was practically swimming because of the hurricane, it was super flooded. I saw Bordy walking and then I saw a stop sign impale him through the butthole and out the mouth. It killed him, I offered him Ben & Jerry’s, he didn’t respond, so I ate it myself, how could he be that rude?

 

September 15, 2008

LaQuandrama was admitted to a psychiatric ward today, I hope she gets the help she needs, J’Quan found the Holy Grail today, he’s crazy rich. He also came up with a new flavor of Ben & Jerry’s, it’s called “J’Quan’s fav flav”. It seemed that everyone who did good was given great news, people that were bad either got their innocence stolen by a stop sign or got thrown in the looney bin.

 

The End

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